I'm going to kill my husband to be!!

Emu53

at our registry office we got a choice of ceremonies to pick from, some involved loads of speaking but one or two had the absolute minimum you have to say, its only a few lines,
I know where you partners coming from, I'm dreading speaking in front of people and its only family we're having,

Idiophreak

Does your partner *want* to get better at public speaking? If so, you could look about for local public speaking / toastmaster clubs to get him a bit of practice. If not, I'm sure you'll find some quite simple wedding ceremonies...just keep reminding him that he just has to say it to you / reg - not to everyone in the room.

If he doesn't want to talk about the wedding much, maybe it's just because it's so far off and he doesn't want a whole year of his life to be completely consumed by the wedding, or maybe he's just not interested in the fine details. If you're frustrated, ask him why he's not talking more...

It may help to make a list of decisions to make...Venue, food, suits etc etc - and just take them one at a time - "right, today we're going to look at venues X, Y and Z"...

hayleythedaisy

This is in our little booklet of what you have to say at the registry office...

Declaratory Words (either a b or c)
A, I do solomnly decalre that I know not of any lawful impediment why I Mr X may not be joined in matrimony to Miss Y
B, I declare that I know of no legal reason why I Mr X may not be joined in marriage to Miss Y
C, by replying "I am" when asked are you Mr X free lawfully to marry Miss Y?

Contracting words
A, I call upon these persons here present to witness that I Mr X do take thee Miss Y to be my lawful wedded wife/husband
B, I Mr X take you Miss Y to be my wedded wife/husband
C, I Mr X take thee Miss Y to be my wedded wife/husband

So potentially he can get it down to 14 words.

I would speak to him about why he's not taking part a bit more. At the end of the day it is probably the biggest joint thing you'll do and part of it is the organising of it. If he can't work together with you for managing this, then what might he be like if god forbid you ever had something serious to manage?

sunshine_shell

Thank you all for your replies!!

Usually we work as a team on everything, we support each other in everything but he just doesn't want to talk about it, like Idiophreak and Kittendreich said i don't think he realises how far in advance we have to plan.

i love the idea of one weekend out of the month, i'm also going to tell him about the 14 words ceremony and i think we could do the speech between us.

He doesn't want to speak in public and its been that way since we were at school, i remember him freezing during a business studies presentation when we were 16 and i don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to. I want to make it a easy as possible, :A

i think what i might do is leave my Cosmo brides in the toilet for him to read and maybe that might give him a jump start.... i can be try!

hayleythedaisy

Have a look on www.weddingplanner.co.uk - accidently leave it out or ask him if he can work out how to use it. It lists everything you need, and more on top! It might shock him!
Oh and please don't kill him - wouldn't want one of our lovely ladies missing her wedding day for any reason, least of all the groom was murdered and the bride's in prison!!!

Naf20

Hi, i agree with everyone else. Its probably easier said than done but try not to stress about it. Its definitely a bloke thing! My H2B is only interested in the stag do and the honeymoon! I am organising everything else and if i ask his opinion on anything, all i get is "yeah cool". Which I think is better all round because I get the wedding I want!! Also he is not looking forward to the speech so all he is going to do is get up and say thank you to everyone for coming. It really doesn't matter.
Good luck with your planning.

mrscoles2be

Don't forget, you don't have to have speaches at your wedding! My dad is a nervous speaker and so is my OH, and I know the best man would just be making stupid jokes, so we have cut out speaches! I don't want everyone worrying on the lead up to the day. We are just asking our best man to announce our first dance, and then thank everyone for coming then.

As for the vows, just speak to your registrar and see what he can suggest.

And with the planning side, I know exactly what you're talking about. I've done all the planning and when I ask OH he just says I don't mind, or whatever you want. Grrr!! It's only now that its getting close that he's starting to get involved a bit more.

Hope this helps and good luck with all your planning x

Herbiecat

I have a good example why men are a funny bunch lol.

My OH told me he wanted leave it all up to me to sort and he will turn up on the day (he doesn't like fuss or stress), so I'v more or less done this but have kept him updated all along.

Last week, he started to be a bit strange with me so I asked him what was wrong, he got really upset and told me that he felt all the decisions about the wedding were being made without him and not just by me, but by his mom, my mom and my 2 adult bridesmaids..I felt so guilty because he's partly right but only because he told me he did not want the stress.

I've warned him that i'm now going to bore the pants off him and involve him in every tiny detail now lol.

I love him so very much and hate that he felt like this.

I really hope you get everything sorted with your other half.

sunshine_shell

Thanks everyone i'll leave it until the weekend to bring the 'W' subject up again, but i will use your suggestions, thanks so much xx

SolicitorMidlands

My husband to be is similar - he is worrying about people looking at him (his face goes red if he feels stressed etc), the first dance and his speech. We only got engaged a few weeks ago but we have provisionally booked a venue for June 2011 (checking with churches at the moment before putting a deposit down). He said it was fine, I could do everything. Then he said he didn't want me and my bridesmaids making all the decisions. I said to him that he didn't seem bothered so what else was I meant to do?!!! I have heard this from so many brides!