Am I being hard done by? Warning Rant Ahead

aliasojo

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Interestingly I have just spoken to my other sister and asked her if Mum gave her any money and she said yes she has given me £7000 (£2000 for a florida holiday and £5000 for a new kitchen and if anyones wondering her and boyfriend earn more between them than we do and have no children to support so its not a 'need' issue).

In that case OP I agree you have cause to feel miffed. It's a difficult situation though simply because it's a gift rather than a right.

Maybe you could sit Mum down calmly one day and say that you're very grateful to her for her gift but you're aware it's less than your siblings have got and it's made you wonder if there is some issue that your Mum has with you. Emphasise that it's NOT about the amount, and that you appreciate all you got, but the difference in the amounts given out has made you feel uneasy and afraid that you and she don't have the same close relationship that she has with your sister for example?

myothercarisaferrari

I guess this thread wouldn't have been started if your mum had given you the £10k for the conservatory, as well as giving £4500 for your sister and another £7000 for the other sister?

datcat

If it's the first time anything like this has happened then yes the Op is being a bit of a drama lama about it.
However when it's a constant drip drip drip of always coming last and always being expected to be the one to sympathise or to sort things out when the more favoured have upset the parents then I can fully understand where the Op is coming from. Yes it is unfair and in a ideal world it shouldn't happen, but it does and although it might feel good to shout at your mum about it usually the only thing that happens is you end up being the bad guy.

fantasia322

Life is'nt fair, fact. It is your mums money, fact. Families and money do not go together fact. Take what she gives you with good grace, and rise above the pettiness and be the better person in all this. Its not worth playing who got what, and who did what to who, change what you can, accept what you cant and let that be the end of it. Money in large amounts brings out the worst in people and can cause a great deal of animosity and unhappiness. FACT

floss2

snugglepet20 wrote: »

... Mum is constantly on the phone crying about how she has done and said x, y and z which is why I don't understand why she is being rewarded.

She isn't necessarily being rewarded - your mum is sharing out her inheritance with her children, as she feels fit. And have you thought that buying your sister a car may enable her to get a job?

snugglepet20 wrote: »

...Interestingly I have just spoken to my other sister and asked her if Mum gave her any money and she said yes she has given me £7000 (£2000 for a florida holiday and £5000 for a new kitchen ...

TBH, I think you need to ask your mum the whys and wherefores of how she has shared out and spent her money - not us.

*Louise*

OP - I must admit when I first started reading this thread I thought it was all a bit of a fuss about not very much and you were perhaps being a little money-hungry.

But after reading further, and gaining the info about your other siblings, I can completely understand why you feel as though you have been sidelined. It's not how much money is involved, it's the fact that your mother isn't treating you all on an equal level, and in all honestly, I would feel rather hard done by as well.

As I see it, you have two options: You can nicely ask you mother why your sisters have been given so much more than you (the 7k amount surprised me) and be prepared for the consequences...or you can learn from your mums mistake and ensure you never treat your own children unfairly by favouring one over the others.

My mum was in a similar situation, my nan got a large windfall when my grandfather died - 3 of my uncles got various amounts of money - one got 5k to pay house arrears etc, others got a few thousand which they frittered away. My mum got 1k to go to America for her 4th brothers funeral 6 months later(to represent the family) and she had to pay every penny back. She has spent her whole life feeling second best to the 'boys', and not just in monetary terms. The upshot of it is is that she now treats my siblings and I all the same. She has never confronted my nan about it, but part of me wishes she would, just to make her see how inferior she has made my mum feel over the years.

It's all very well to 'just take what you are given and be grateful' but when you feel as though you are being treated as 3rd best it must be hard to come to terms with the feelings of resentment that must arise from this.

If you do decide to speak to your mum...please let us know how you get on x

jellyhead

snugglepet20 wrote: »

1.) Mum is under no illusions about my sister and desperately wants her to go back to college .

Maybe the car will help her do that, or widen her job horizons.

It's possible that your mum wants to give money for something specific, and if you asked for a kitchen and holiday you'd get both.

I'd try asking if I were you

if your mum says no, and you're sure it's because she's being unfair rather than her having spent so much that 3.5k is all she has left, then by all means be very busy next time she wants a moan.

clairehi

I used to think my MIL was a bit bonkers because she insisted on spending exactly the same amount of money on everyone at Xmas.

I now think this thread explains exactly why she was right!

Bennifred

I feel for you OP - it is exceedingly galling when siblings are treated so differently, especially when the "needy" ones are actually shamelessly !!!!less, and the ones who have worked hard, been sensible, etc are perceived as doing fine on their own and therefore miss out. Bitter? Me?? Noooooo, lol!

Primrose

Life is unfair. It always will be. The money was left to your mother and it is no substitute for the father she no longer has so she has a right to do what she wants with it. Perhaps you should be grateful that you have grown up to be a sensible, prudent individual who is capable of making responsible decisions about your own life whereas your sister (who is possibly younger) isn't. You're getting £3500, which is better than a kick in the teeth. Be grateful. Keep quiet and thank your mother graciously. .