Am I being hard done by? Warning Rant Ahead

snugglepet20

Not sure where to post this one but I am feeling a bit upset and wanted to canvass peoples opinions. Basically my Grandad died and left my Mum a good bit of money (she has not said exactly how much). She said she was going to give each of us children some and initially offered to buy me a conservatory because we need more space thinking it would be about 5 grand, turns out the one I would need costs 10 grand so I couldn't get it which is fair enough.

Meanwhile she has bought my 19 year old sister a car and insurance. The car cost £2400 and the insurance would have been at least 2 grand minimum and probably nearer to 3 and a half (based on my research putting her details into go compare), she has had 2 accidents in less than a year (the amount of time she has had a licence) etcetera so she is a bad insurance risk, plus they bought her sat nav so a minimum of £4500 has been spent on her.

I told Mum that it didn't matter about the conservatory and that I will just put the money into a savings account in case I need things and she said she is only giving me £3500. I know it is better than nothing but I feel like I am being punished for not wasting my life. My sister is a waste of space who does literally nothing except get drunk and trash up the house yet I have always worked hard and acheived things plus I have 2 (soon to be 3) children to support so why am I worth less than her?

Also Mum is not poor she has just been on her 3rd foreign holiday this year to the Maldives, had her house redecorated with hardwood floors and new carpet and bought a brand new Audi, meanwhile my children are wearing clothes from Primark. I have always stood on my own two feet but now I feel like she is taking the p**s. Am I overreacting because at the moment I am furious. Advice please before I pick up the phone and start yelling!

Spirit_2

It is a gift from your mum. I would be overjoyed not dictating terms.

blue_monkey_2

Turn the other cheek, you'll be the better person for it.

We renovated my mums house for her, she said that in return we would get half the profit when she sold the house.

Only she seems to have forgotten that and out of the 160k profit 'she' made she gave us..... wait for it.... 5k. More so she said 'the money we agreed on, do you want 4 or 5 thousands pounds'. I said '5 thousand please'. And then I had to wait for it and had to keep on asking.

Still grates when she gives me £10 for a birthday present......

You are, at the moment, pee'd off, I was too, but time has moved on and while I've not forgotten about it I know where my priorities lie. I would take the money, stick it in a savings account and/or go on a nice holiday. Do not live on it, use it for something that you would not have the chance to experience again and make the most of it. I would. We paid our overdraft with the money we got - after we had to spend it on doing the house up we got from the HA. So back to square one then. And my mum came to help and I had to listen to her moaning about trying to sell the house. Back then I was dreaming of the new car we was going to be getting.....

LJM

first of all i would be upset that my grandad had died, i would be grateful with anything i was given and there is nothing wrong with clothes from primark

thorsoak

Your grandfather left the money to your mother - not to you. Your mother can do with her money what she will - not what you want/need. Her money - her choices.

bellrooster

Don't pick up the phone and start yelling!! :eek:

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandad died, mine died last October .

Is it the money that bothers you or feeling that you're coming second best to your sister?

Wow

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Not sure where to post this one but I am feeling a bit upset and wanted to canvass peoples opinions. Basically my Grandad died and left my Mum a good bit of money (she has not said exactly how much). She said she was going to give each of us children some and initially offered to buy me a conservatory because we need more space thinking it would be about 5 grand, turns out the one I would need costs 10 grand so I couldn't get it which is fair enough.

Meanwhile she has bought my 19 year old sister a car and insurance. The car cost £2400 and the insurance would have been at least 2 grand minimum and probably nearer to 3 and a half (based on my research putting her details into go compare), she has had 2 accidents in less than a year (the amount of time she has had a licence) etcetera so she is a bad insurance risk, plus they bought her sat nav so a minimum of £4500 has been spent on her.

I told Mum that it didn't matter about the conservatory and that I will just put the money into a savings account in case I need things and she said she is only giving me £3500. I know it is better than nothing but I feel like I am being punished for not wasting my life. My sister is a waste of space who does literally nothing except get drunk and trash up the house yet I have always worked hard and acheived things plus I have 2 (soon to be 3) children to support so why am I worth less than her?

Also Mum is not poor she has just been on her 3rd foreign holiday this year to the Maldives, had her house redecorated with hardwood floors and new carpet and bought a brand new Audi, meanwhile my children are wearing clothes from Primark. I have always stood on my own two feet but now I feel like she is taking the p**s. Am I overreacting because at the moment I am furious. Advice please before I pick up the phone and start yelling!

Make sure that you always spend exactly the same amount of money on your children for the rest of their lives even when they leave home.

I bet you don't.;)

Will that make you a bad parent?;)


I think you should be grateful for what you have been offered and you should realise that it is better to give than receive.;)


Your poor mother.

January20

Two things come to mind:

1. You say your sister is a waste of space and wasting her life. You are having a 3rd child and hinting that you have little money since you have to buy clothes from Primark (nothing wrong with that). Have you thought that your mother possibly doesn't approve of your lifestyle and thinks YOU are being reckless.

2. You have 2 children. Do you always treat them the same way? Don't you make more allowances for the youngest. I bet you think you don't but really?

As another poster said, it's your mother's money. She can do what she pleases with it. You have decided on the life you have, the house you have, the children you have. Your lifestyle is your responsibility - nobody else should pay for your choices.

snugglepet20

My Grandad was not a nice man and we were not allowed any contact with him so I am not upset that he died as I would be if I had a nice Grandad that died but thank you to the people who expressed sympathy anyway.

I don't really feel that I am coming second best to my sister it is Mum that makes me angry. She treats everyone differently according to her whims and it seems that all the children should get the same amount to make it fair (there are 4 of us but I don't know what the others got). She does it with everything and it constantly causes problems i.e she paid my brothers housing and tuition fees for 4 years even though he never even passed the first year of uni but my other sister who is in the 3rd year has had to pay for hers herself.

She also offers things and then takes it away again leaving you feeling worse than if you had never been offered anything in the first place. It is as though she wants to have all the children in constant rivalry and tension and that is really my issue not the money, I would have been fine if nothing had been offered to me at all.

flossy_splodge

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Not sure where to post this one but I am feeling a bit upset and wanted to canvass peoples opinions. Basically my Grandad died and left my Mum a good bit of money (she has not said exactly how much). She said she was going to give each of us children some How lucky are you that she is/was willing to share her windfall and initially offered to buy me a conservatory because we need more space thinking it would be about 5 grand, turns out the one I would need NEED ? How come the word is NEED? Do you not mean, the one you might prefer? NEED has a very specific meaning and want is a whole different ball game! costs 10 grand so I couldn't get it which is fair enough. Ever thought about making do with one for £5000?

Meanwhile she has bought my 19 year old sister a car and insurance. The car cost £2400 and the insurance would have been at least 2 grand minimum Who says? I think you're inventing figures because you're angry.and probably nearer to 3 and a half (based on my research putting her details into go compare), she has had 2 accidents in less than a year (the amount of time she has had a licence) etcetera so she is a bad insurance risk, plus they bought her sat nav WOW!! so a minimum of £4500 has been spent on her.

I told Mum that it didn't matter about the conservatory but it clearly does. and that I will just put the money into a savings account in case I need things and she said she is only ONLY??? giving me £3500. I know it is better than nothing but I feel like I am being punished for not wasting my life. My sister is a waste of space What a charitable soul you are .who does literally nothing except get drunk and trash up the house yet I have always worked hard and acheived things plus I have 2 (soon to be 3) YOUR choice I believe, unless you haven't yet figuured out what's causing the pregnancies :rotfl: children to support so why am I worth less than her?

Also Mum is not poor she has just been on her 3rd foreign holiday this year to the Maldives, had her house redecorated with hardwood floors and new carpet and bought a brand new Audi, meanwhile my children are wearing clothes from Primark. I have always stood on my own two feet but now I feel like she is taking the p**s. Am I overreacting because at the moment I am furious. YES YOU ARE. Advice please before I pick up the phone and start yelling!

WHat exactly do you feel you have a right to yell about? Perhaps if you do so, your mother might decide you don't deserve ANY money, then where will you be? Will that be your sister's fault too?:eek:
Life is unfair, most of us feel so from time to time. Perhaps an adult and rational conversation with your mother explaining how you're feeling might help? Not demands, just a conversation. :A

bunny999

I feel sorry for the Mum - it's must be awful to have such selfish ungrateful children. Why don't you tell how you feel, with a bit of luck she might come to her senses and give you what you deserve - nothing.