Am I being hard done by? Warning Rant Ahead

bestpud

Take the money and put it in an account.

Don't start throwing your weight around as that will help nobody and, to be frank, you have no right.

If you have (almost) three children you can't afford then why would you want to spend that amount of money on a conservatory?

I can see your point about your siblings but envy is not a good trait so try and see it as you having £3500 rather than not having what your sister has.

blue_monkey_2

I have a dad like your mum snuggle. I do not think people would understand if they did not live with it. There are 4 of us and dad only speaks to the 2 that he thinks he can 'boast' about doing well (good jobs, living in a 'nice' house etc...). I went right off his list when I had children and became a SAHM. one day after a row because I was helping mum get his name off the deeds of the house (divorce settlement he was reluctant to give up) he shouted me down again and I told him respect was something to be earned and when he wanted to apologise for his behaviour I would be ready to listen. That was a good many years ago and I've not heard from him since. I am certainly not losing any sleep.

If you are not getting anything from the relastionship with your mum then maybe it's time to take a break for a while. It sounds like she is very needy - some people need to know they are upsetting everyone around them, it i just the way they are.

Do not make any plans to spend the money, if she gives it to you great, if not then do not lose any more sleep over it and let them all get on with their rivalry and bickering. Life is WAY to short. Trust me - it works.

ETA: My dad only used to call us when he was on holiday, he never wanted to talk to us any other time.

gingin_2

Stunned.


I wrote out a long, ranting post and then deleted it because I believe it is futile.

Your post is the prime example as to why family and money do not mix - it's such an ugly, bitter combination. And this is why my will is going to include a special clause that every last penny is to be indulged and enjoyed by the intended recipient - otherwise I give the executors permission to open a goldfish sanctuary, in my name, instead.

blue_monkey_2

Sadly that is all a lot of people see from their families gingin. One of my sisters saw my mothers house as 'her inheritance' which would not be so bad but mum was only 50...!!

In every family I know people fight over what is left. I refuse to get involved, if I never had it before then I'd be grateful if I got something. The vultures are already picking at my nans stuff and she is only in a home, she has not gone yet.

tandraig

ok - your mum offered you some money out of HER inheritance - initially about 5k for a conservatory. the one you wanted was 10k. but thats irrelevant
then your sister gets a car and you say mum payed for that AND the insurance.which comes to about 5k?
why dont you just say to mum - I will be happy with the 5k you initially offered? or the same as sis has got?
it sounds as if mum wanted to treat you to something you wanted. sis got a cheap car and her first years insurance.
you got greedy and wanted a 10k conservatory - not surprised mum is saying no.
she doesnt HAVE to give you anything - but I think the same as sis would be fair.
are you hard done by? no - because your mum is trying to give you a gift - you are the one haggling over the price!

snugglepet20

January20 wrote: »

Two things come to mind:

1. You say your sister is a waste of space and wasting her life. You are having a 3rd child and hinting that you have little money since you have to buy clothes from Primark (nothing wrong with that). Have you thought that your mother possibly doesn't approve of your lifestyle and thinks YOU are being reckless.

2. You have 2 children. Do you always treat them the same way? Don't you make more allowances for the youngest. I bet you think you don't but really?

As another poster said, it's your mother's money. She can do what she pleases with it. You have decided on the life you have, the house you have, the children you have. Your lifestyle is your responsibility - nobody else should pay for your choices.

1.) A lot of people are picking up on the buying clothes from Primark thing, it was just an example of how I am not particularly rich but note that I am not poor either. I have enough money to buy what I need, no debts (except mortgage) and own a nice 3 bedroom new build house. I am also married and we both have decent professions unfortunately not in well paid sectors but it suits us. I do not buy things I can't afford so I don't really see how my Mum could think I am reckless especially as she has 4 children and spends money like water (she makes the confessions of a shopaholic woman look like someone off the old style board). Also Mum is under no illusions about my sister and desperately wants her to go back to college but my sister's lifestyle isn't really the issue as previously discussed.

2.) My children are tots so nothing major has come up yet!

Finally I am not seeking money to subsidise my life I am managing fine I just want it to be fair.

snugglepet20

tandraig wrote: »

ok - your mum offered you some money out of HER inheritance - initially about 5k for a conservatory. the one you wanted was 10k. but thats irrelevant
then your sister gets a car and you say mum payed for that AND the insurance.which comes to about 5k?
why dont you just say to mum - I will be happy with the 5k you initially offered? or the same as sis has got?
it sounds as if mum wanted to treat you to something you wanted. sis got a cheap car and her first years insurance.
you got greedy and wanted a 10k conservatory - not surprised mum is saying no.
she doesnt HAVE to give you anything - but I think the same as sis would be fair.
are you hard done by? no - because your mum is trying to give you a gift - you are the one haggling over the price!

I didn't ask for the conservatory, Mum asked me to get quotes and when I found out it was too expensive I told her that it was too much and asked if I could have it as money instead. I did NOT try to make her buy me a 10 grand conservatory. Just want that to be clear.

Errata

tandraig wrote: »

ok - your mum offered you some money out of HER inheritance - initially about 5k for a conservatory. the one you wanted was 10k. but thats irrelevant
then your sister gets a car and you say mum payed for that AND the insurance.which comes to about 5k?
why dont you just say to mum - I will be happy with the 5k you initially offered? or the same as sis has got?
it sounds as if mum wanted to treat you to something you wanted. sis got a cheap car and her first years insurance.
you got greedy and wanted a 10k conservatory - not surprised mum is saying no.
she doesnt HAVE to give you anything - but I think the same as sis would be fair.
are you hard done by? no - because your mum is trying to give you a gift - you are the one haggling over the price!

Tandraig - you've totally misread the post, and being a bit rude to the OP for which an apology from you wouldn't go amiss.

cazziebo

gingin wrote: »

Stunned.


I wrote out a long, ranting post and then deleted it because I believe it is futile.

Your post is the prime example as to why family and money do not mix - it's such an ugly, bitter combination. And this is why my will is going to include a special clause that every last penny is to be indulged and enjoyed by the intended recipient - otherwise I give the executors permission to open a goldfish sanctuary, in my name, instead.

Speaking from experience, what you say is so true, gingin. There is no right to an "inheritance" - it's a gift. Therefore, there is no right or fair when it comes to the price of the gift to the others.

OP, you are not right in feeling aggrieved. Your mum has lost her dad. He left her a gift. If she chooses to share that gift then be grateful - there is no value in coveting the gifts of others.

snugglepet20

Ok thanks for everyones replies I now feel calmer, there is just something about Mum that means she can make me completely enraged even when she is supposedly doing something nice. I will just accept whatever money she offers even if it is less than the others and save it up.