Am I being hard done by? Warning Rant Ahead

Wow

snugglepet20 wrote: »

I didn't ask for the conservatory, Mum asked me to get quotes and when I found out it was too expensive I told her that it was too much and asked if I could have it as money instead. I did NOT try to make her buy me a 10 grand conservatory. Just want that to be clear.

So you didn't like your granda but you will fight over his money.


How shameful.

cazziebo

snugglepet20 wrote: »

there is just something about Mum that means she can make me completely enraged.

Listen - despite what I posted, you have every sympathy, mine was exactly the same. Picked and chose her favourites (from five) on a whim. However, that experience left me with the will to always always strive to treat my daughters fairly. I have no doubt they don't see it that way.

blue_monkey_2

Wow wrote: »

So you didn't like your granda but you will fight over his money.

How shameful.

We do not know what happened.

My dad was vile - he probably still is - will I be there for a share when the time comes? Without a doubt. Shameful? No - he ruined my life withi his abuse. I could reel off all the things he did but I'd be here all night. Just because someone leaves money in a will it does not mean they are the nicest person ever.

I'd not fight over it though - I'd not give him the satisfaction of that!!

Person_one

No, your mum isn't obliged to give you anything. But I completely agree that it leaves a bad taste when such blatant favouritism is shown. The desire to be loved and valued by your parents is so strong that slights like this make you feel rejected and second best.

My parents still spend exactly the same amount on me and my brother for Christmas and birthday presents, even getting little bits of chocolate and things to even it up if its a few pounds out and we're in our twenties!

Recently, he's had a few struggles through no fault of his own and my parents have stepped in to help him out. I don't begrudge it because he was in need and I know they'd do the same for me, but if they had randomly given him a large sum of money and me a lot less for no discernible reason I would be very confused and hurt.

snugglepet20

Wow wrote: »

So you didn't like your granda but you will fight over his money.


How shameful.

As I stated my Grandad was not a nice man and we were not allowed contact with him for good reason, it is not that I just didn't like him. He is not some poor old guy deserving of sympathy. Plus this is more about fairness than money as the amounts discussed represent only a tiny proportion of the inheritance.

BitterAndTwisted

Competition between siblings and a manipulative mother bestowing favours unequally is a toxic combination. I'd be tempted to refuse to play that game. No good can come of it

smartpicture

I don't think people really understand where you're coming from.

My mum & dad made a will a few years ago and told me they were leaving the majority to my sister because she needed it more. Now logically, I completely agreed with this, I don't need the money, and I'd rather have my mum & dad around than the money. But emotionally - there was a little girl inside me crying 'I knew you loved her more than me!'

You can't help how you feel if it's deep-rooted in the way you felt when you were growing up. But you can help whether you choose to act on that in a destructive way or not, so no - don't ring her. Leave it until the emotions have time to calm down, and you can just be happy that your mum chose to share her good fortune with you, then use it to do something with your own kids that they will always remember as a good time in their lives.

ailuro2

Have you tried stamping your feet? Or lying on the floor and pounding yhour fists into the carpet?


Your Mum has an inheritance from a father she didn't like...if I were her I'd be going on a few holidays aswell, from some posts it sounds like she also needs to get away from her nightmare offspring. One is irresponsible and keeps crashing the car she bought for her, the other one is having kids she can't afford and is grouching about not getting a big enough share of the money.

Do what I did when my mother wanted to give me a sum of money, tell her it wouldn't feel right, but if she wants to give me the money to put in an account for my children then that's fine.....

that way you will not be getting anything but you'll still be doing what's best for your kids.

p.s. If you are on any kind of benefits make sure it won't affect them.;)

ailuro2

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Plus this is more about fairness than money as the amounts discussed represent only a tiny proportion of the inheritance.

so he left a million then? 10 grand between two of you would be a tiny proportion of that...

I didn't think you knew how much he'd left your Mum, snugglepet.

floss2

snugglepet20 wrote: »

... it is Mum that makes me angry. She treats everyone differently according to her whims and it seems that all the children should get the same amount to make it fair (there are 4 of us but I don't know what the others got). She does it with everything and it constantly causes problems i.e she paid my brothers housing and tuition fees for 4 years even though he never even passed the first year of uni but my other sister who is in the 3rd year has had to pay for hers herself.

It is none of your business how much your mother gives to you & your siblings - it is HER money to do with what she wishes

snugglepet20 wrote: »

...She also offers things and then takes it away again leaving you feeling worse than if you had never been offered anything in the first place. It is as though she wants to have all the children in constant rivalry and tension and that is really my issue not the money, I would have been fine if nothing had been offered to me at all.

Maybe that is what she knows & grew up with, and possibly one of the reasons you did not have contact with your grandfather?

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Plus this is more about fairness than money as the amounts discussed represent only a tiny proportion of the inheritance.

As I said, it is none of your business how much is involved, the money was left to your mother, not to you, so speculation that the gift to you is only a "tiny proportion" is just that - unless you know differently?

And anyway, who's to say that there weren't debts to be paid of by your mother if she "spends money like water"? There may not be much of her inheritance left, and the car, re-decorating & carpets and holiday have probably been arranged while she was waiting for the money. Wills take a while to be proved & paid out, you know, it isn't an instant process. So your £3,500 offer may be your mum's evaluation of a fair share for you of what's left.