Am I being hard done by? Warning Rant Ahead

Barny1979

Never knew my grandparents and never received a penny from them, don't be so money-grabbing and be grateful.

MrsE_2

LJM wrote: »

first of all i would be upset that my grandad had died, i would be grateful with anything i was given and there is nothing wrong with clothes from primark

I think when you have a parent who totally favours one child over their others its the "details" that are the tangible PROOF of what you know to be true.

Its about a lot more than money.

I know, I had that mother too:(

blue_monkey_2

I think....

As someone else pointed out we all want to be known we are loved equally and if someone was offered more than another sibling then of course they would feel 2nd best and put out. However, there are other emotions involved in this too that I guess some people would not really 'get'.

It would have been better for your mum to give you a cheque for the same amount but obviously she didn't.

As I say OP, let them get on with it and take ANY money graciously, do not phone her and shout at her, IF she has done it maliciously then maybe it is because SHE wants to feel loved with everyone squabbling around her.

From what I am getting here there has been some abuse in the family relating to the grandfather.

Was a will left? Who knows, maybe the money was just devided up to siblings anyway. The thing about abuse is that it leaves a lot of emotional scars and people deal with these in different ways, maybe this is your mums way of deal with things, to have you fighting over her. Your way of dealing with it is to know that you are not loved any less than your siblings.

OP, I'd take a deep breath and step back. If she gives you money, great, if not have a whinge about it to your OH but get on with it and try and accept that this might not have been done maliciously but it is your mums way of feeling she is wanted (however weird that seems). But for now please do not call her and have a rant, be the better person and if she gives you the money go on a nice holiday with the kids and enjoy the money as a family rather than dipping in and out of it.

I knew what you were getting with the things you said, it probably helped to get other perspectives but there is more to this that you cannot tell us I guess.

Take care. x

Wow

snugglepet20 wrote: »

My sister is doing a journalism degree and works at a TV station for free because you need experience, she also works in a department store to earn actual money. The TV station is awful, they call her in the middle of the night to come in the next day, get her to organise interviews with people which never happen and call her at an hours notice to be there when she has work or uni to go to etc.

snugglepet20 wrote: »

My sister is a waste of space who does literally nothing except get drunk and trash up the house

Are we talking about the same sister here?:)

blue_monkey_2

Wow wrote: »

Are we talking about the same sister here?:)

OP said there were 4 siblings.

gingin_2

Something that hasn't been mentioned is that you are basing this whole disagreement on a quote you got from "Go Compare". Could it actually be that you have got your facts wrong and that Mum has actually treated you totally equally.

You get an offer of £3500 cash, your sister gets a £2400 car, plus sat nav, plus insurance. You say £2000 - £3000 insurance but are you sure on that? (I'm no expert on car insurance) How much can 3rd party fire and theft be on a £2400 car?

I wonder if you have jumped that gun and Mum has actually been perfectly fair

worbikeman

I sympathise with the OP. It's not the money as such - if grandad had left the lot to charity that's his choice to do as he wishes.
It's the fact that there is a suspicion of unequal distribution, and therefore deception. The problem is greatly compounded by the mother not being up front about things. The mother should say: "I'm getting x, DD1 is getting y and DD2 is getting z". Better yet if both daughters get 'y' each. If the mother has nothing to hide she has nothing to fear by being straight up about it.
If I was the OP I would definitely have a family chat - there might be nothing to worry about - it's got to be better than stewing about it.

blue-bells_2

Some of the comments posted on here are harsh to say the least! :eek:
I don't think it's about expecting money and being ungrateful, it's about being treated equally and fairly. If the mother wanted to give money to her children, that's great and of course her choice, but surely she shouldn't 'favour' one child over the other?

aliasojo

gingin wrote: »

Something that hasn't been mentioned is that you are basing this whole disagreement on a quote you got from "Go Compare". Could it actually be that you have got your facts wrong and that Mum has actually treated you totally equally.

You get an offer of £3500 cash, your sister gets a £2400 car, plus sat nav, plus insurance. You say £2000 - £3000 insurance but are you sure on that? (I'm no expert on car insurance) How much can 3rd party fire and theft be on a £2400 car?

I wonder if you have jumped that gun and Mum has actually been perfectly fair

That was my thought as well. I think the OP is a bit daft for getting upset over something that she has assumed.

When it comes down to it, what are your choices OP...you either say 'thanks' and be happy that you got something or you feel aggrieved inside and all you'll be able to think of is how unfair you think you've been treated.

Even if you have been treated unfairly, you're not going to change that so your only choice is to deal with it and move on. Otherwise it will fester inside you and you will be the one who suffers.

I've got a huge problem with unfairness in general, it bothers me greatly and I often go up against things just to try to even the balance out a bit, so I completely understand your point. However, in this instance you don't have any rights to demand parity and you need to let it go for your own sake.

thorsoak

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Ok thanks for everyones replies I now feel calmer, there is just something about Mum that means she can make me completely enraged even when she is supposedly doing something nice. I will just accept whatever money she offers even if it is less than the others and save it up.

Your poor mother : she can't do right for doing wrong - what a sad family