Who should pay?

timberflake

From my experience of going on dates (I'm a bloke), its the women who at least offer to pay some money who are the keepers!

The ones that don't even get their purse out are generally only there for a free night out! I've had plenty of first dates where I've paid for everything upfront and there's never been a second date. Equally, I've had a lot of dates where we've split it 50/50 (or the woman has at least brought a round or something) where there's been second, third, fourth dates etc.

The "gold digger" mentality is very much an issue now, there are a lot of women out there that are only out for themselves.............I went out with one for 7 years and was left with 30k of debt!

onlyroz

On a first date I would always offer to pay my share but if the offer was refused I'd accept his generosity graciously. But on subsequent dates I'd insist on taking it in turns to pay or going 50:50.

I would certainly never expect a man to pay for me - there's a word for women like that and I ain't one of them...

Weeyin

I would always go halfers, so i don't feel i have to go on a second date if i don't like them. I also think some men would think they are entitled to 'services rendered' for paying out some cash.

SandC

I had a boyf once who refused to let me pay for anything. He did earn more than me but it didn't feel right. We're talking to the extent that if I was to get a round in I had to time it right, and say I was going to the loo and come back with drinks in hand.

When I ended things with him he threw back in my face all the money he had spent on me.

It took me many years to learn to accept someone's generosity after that.

Pee

It's a very difficult one, because I think it is an issue that matters because you will probably have a good insight into someones behaviour with money from how they behave on a first date, but you may not be able to understand that insight fully until a lot later.

I think that in order to make a good impression, which is surely the point of a date, both parties should offer to pay and the person who invited should pay and say charmingly that the other person can pay next time.

There is usually more than one payment opportunity on a date, i.e. the second round of drinks, so a compromise without counting out spare change should be possible.

If however you are the sort of person who does not like their friends owing them 30p someone who calculates accurately each share may actually be an ideal partner for you.

Lotus-eater

euronorris wrote: »

Does anyone actually prefer the expensive, sit down meal type date?

Never actually been on one :rotfl: just talking hypothetically

I took one GF on a first date to meet my grandparents once, then spent the whole time talking about the war with my granddad. We lasted a while as well somehow, she must have been nuts....
Mindyou, y'know, anyone that goes on any sort of date with me must have some sort of screw loose. Lucky for you ladies I'm tied down and not free!

Pee

euronorris wrote: »

Does anyone actually prefer the expensive, sit down meal type date?

I've always preferred something more fun, like a picnic, or bowling, or even cycling. Breaks the ice and actually allows you to talk to each other (cinema is awful for a first date IMO).

It does depend, doesn't it? I did a bit of internet dating and for that meeting up at the cinema is quite a good idea as there is no pressure on you to talk too much - I found the whole thing very strange and contrived and it's probably fair to say i didn't meet anyone with very good social skills.

A meal or a drink would involve a lot of talking, too, wheras your suggestions of bowling and cycling are social without demanding lots of conversation openers. Ice skating by the way I don't think is good, but that's just cos I have no sense of balance!

With the right person, dinner at a good and probably reasonably expensive restaurant would be my first choice of date.

Person_one

timberflake wrote: »

From my experience of going on dates (I'm a bloke), its the women who at least offer to pay some money who are the keepers!

The ones that don't even get their purse out are generally only there for a free night out! I've had plenty of first dates where I've paid for everything upfront and there's never been a second date. Equally, I've had a lot of dates where we've split it 50/50 (or the woman has at least brought a round or something) where there's been second, third, fourth dates etc.

The "gold digger" mentality is very much an issue now, there are a lot of women out there that are only out for themselves.............I went out with one for 7 years and was left with 30k of debt!

A night out with a man you aren't remotely interested in is not most women's idea of a good time, no matter how much free food is included! You might want to consider that there could be other reasons for not getting some of those second dates...

hermum

Definitely pay my own way, however I would never go for a meal with a guy unless I knew I could cope with a couple of hours just in his company. I'd also need to ensure he doesn't slurp, scrape the food off his fork with his teeth or lick his knife. I'm single because...

retro_bluebell

Id pay for myself then he knows not to expect anything at the end of the night in return for him paying for me iykwim?:p