Who should pay?

hieveryone

Apologies if this has been covered before, but it's something that was on my mind this evening.

If a man asks you out on a date, who should pay? (I'm a woman!) Does this change after you've been on a few dates or not?

If you offer to give the man money to pay for part of the meal, cinema etc, should he take it?

Just wondering on the general feel of this... Thanks!

cheepskate_2

i've always went 50/50 even on first dates. Saying that i have a friend who expected the man to pay all the time, seemed a bit of a cheek

JBD

I haven't actually been on a date for a long while. However if I was I would absolutely insist on paying my own way [or even more]. This is because there seems to be so much said about women being gold diggers and so on I just wouldn't give anyone the opportunity to say it about me. 20 or 30 years ago it wouldn't have been an issue but nowadays there seems to be so much negativity about, I just wouldn't want to fall into that trap.

honeypop

Regardless of who 'instigated' the date, I would offer half towards the costs (I am a woman). If, when offered, the man declined the money, I would set up the next date and pay for that one. Over time, this would probably evolve into each of us paying something towards the date, instead of offering half or paying for the whole thing in turns, for example going to the cinema one pays for the tickets the other gets the popcorn and drinks, going for a meal one pays for the meal and the other gets the taxi to and from the restaurant. Over time it will even out.

All this is hypothetical, I won't be 'dating' again as I'm married!

mrcow

I wouldn't insist on paying my own way - that can get embarrassing and I'm gracious enough to accept a gift of a date if offered.

I would always get my purse out though and offer/expect to go halves.

hieveryone

Thanks for the responses so far..

I am wondering where this sits with me, but I am swaying to the 'man should pay' side, at least for the first few dates? I'd like to think that someone who wanted to spend time with me, and ask ME out, would be willing to pay also.

I'm not sure if this is incredibly old fashioned (considering I am relatively young), or that I have an inflated sense of self, where I feel someone should pay for the pleasure of my company.. !

Person_one

Whoever does the inviting should pay, whether they are male or female. It would then be nice if the other person did both the asking and the paying the second time if there is one. From a third date onwards I think 50/50 is a good rule unless its for something special such as a birthday, to celebrate an achievement etc.

smartpicture

I don't suppose many people will agree, but I think the man should generally pay for most (but not all) of the dates because generally speaking, woman have to spend a whole lot more than a man on dating paraphanalia - clothes, shoes, hairdos, hair removal, sexy underwear etc all mount up to a huge dating cost!

That only really applies if you earn around the same amount of money, or you earn less than him though. In practice, I earn significantly more than my last 2 boyfriends so I've tended to pay for most of the expensive dates and they pay now and then for a meal or whatever.

maggied_2

I vote for offering to go halves. If the man has asked you out and insists on paying graciously accept but I could never just watch someone else pick up the tab - it just wouldn't feel 'right'.

Person_one

smartpicture wrote: »

I don't suppose many people will agree, but I think the man should generally pay for most (but not all) of the dates because generally speaking, woman have to spend a whole lot more than a man on dating paraphanalia - clothes, shoes, hairdos, hair removal, sexy underwear etc all mount up to a huge dating cost!

That only really applies if you earn around the same amount of money, or you earn less than him though. In practice, I earn significantly more than my last 2 boyfriends so I've tended to pay for most of the expensive dates and they pay now and then for a meal or whatever.

No we don't! Some women choose to. I've never bought a new outfit for a date, any hair I feel needs removing is done very cheaply by myself at home, my sexy underwear comes from Tesco and quite frankly some women are a bit silly about shoes and have far more than anybody could possibly need.

Obviously there is a lot more pressure on women with regards appearance but there's no need to cave to it. In fact, the more of us challenge the status quo and realise that we're just fine as we are without face paint and back breaking heels, the more normal that will become and the more realistic everybody's expectations!

honeypop

smartpicture wrote: »

I don't suppose many people will agree, but I think the man should generally pay for most (but not all) of the dates ...
That only really applies if you earn around the same amount of money, or you earn less than him though.

Not really likely to know this until after quite a few dates though I suspect.

I went on a few dates with my now-DH and didn't realise he earned so little (in the forces) and he quietly struggled to go 50/50-ish on our nights out, while I had a higher amount of 'spare' income and would gladly have paid more had I known.