Who should pay?

Souk08

I like to go halfers with my dates and take it turn about to buy wine/food when we're having nights in. They generally earn loads more than me but I still don't feel right about 'taking' from them.

Have had rows over this in the past with a man who wanted to pay all the time. Had to politely explain to him that I was happy to pay as if I wasn't with him I'd be out with a friend and paying then i.e I wasn't sat in waiting for him to turn up and take me out!

Zazen999

hieveryone wrote: »

Thanks for the responses so far..

I am wondering where this sits with me, but I am swaying to the 'man should pay' side, at least for the first few dates? I'd like to think that someone who wanted to spend time with me, and ask ME out, would be willing to pay also.

I'm not sure if this is incredibly old fashioned (considering I am relatively young), or that I have an inflated sense of self, where I feel someone should pay for the pleasure of my company.. !

Nail ---->Head

hieveryone

Zazen999 wrote: »

Nail ---->Head

:rotfl: Thanks for that zazen...! It's possibly true though, but I do feel that if someone asks me to spend time with them, and suggests an activity, then they should be willing to pay for it - as they have invited me, not the other way around?

Errata

Invitee foots the bill on the first date, then take it in turns as it's less embarrassing than sorting out 50/50 every time.

Apricot

If I was invited I would always offer to pay my way but if I invited someone I would offer to pay the whole thing. Even with my bf of 3.5 years we don't exactly go 50/50 but usually one will pay for the meal the other for the cinema for example. I expect to be treated as an equal to a man in my life so don't understand why I should be treated inferiorly when it comes to money matters.

Bunny

When me and my husband go somewhere, we never go 50/50, it's whoever can get their purse/wallet out the quickest and we both want to treat each other, It been like that for 6 years now.
My family is the same as well though, we're far from rich but we like to treat each other and if one of us pays for something, money ends up being sneakily put in each others bag, it's like anti pick pocketing.

Jo_R_2

If a guy asks you out then he should pay. If you ask someone out then you should pay. If it has been made clear it is their treat then accept graciously. If not then offer to go halves; if the offer is refused then accept graciously and say it'll be your treat next time.

After a few dates I'd be thinking along the lines of splitting costs as has been mentioned.

Zazen999

hieveryone wrote: »

:rotfl: Thanks for that zazen...! It's possibly true though, but I do feel that if someone asks me to spend time with them, and suggests an activity, then they should be willing to pay for it - as they have invited me, not the other way around?

Sorry - but I wouldn't even ask [in my head or on an internet forum] - I've always naturally paid my way whether asked or not and if I couldn't afford it then I wouldn't go.

It would never ever cross my mind that they were paying for my time...it's not a business - it's supposed to be 'fun'.

Person_one

Zazen999 wrote: »

Nail ---->Head

Jo_R wrote: »

If a guy asks you out then he should pay. If you ask someone out then you should pay. If it has been made clear it is their treat then accept graciously. If not then offer to go halves; if the offer is refused then accept graciously and say it'll be your treat next time.

After a few dates I'd be thinking along the lines of splitting costs as has been mentioned.

Agreed, whatever the gender's involved (and dates aren't always a man and a woman remember!) sometimes its really nice to treat someone and it takes the edge off it to have it refused.

dieselhead

I love the romanticism that the man should pay, but the reality for me (with the exception of one guy who was considerably richer than me) has always been that I have gone halves, I have always felt much more comfortable with this as neither of us 'owes' the other anything if you see what I mean.