Who should pay?

zippychick

I can't believe in this day and age, that women still expect to be paid for, lifted and laid! Or that people think the asker should pay. What a load of rubbish!

Splitsies all the way for me. If equality really is equality, then it should be split as approximately as it can be (so not down to the exact penny but as close as you can get without itemising everything!)

There is nothing as unattractive as someone seeming tight - man or woman, or as having a sense of entitlement that people should pay because they asked you to do X activity. I am genuinely horrified at that thought! If you are going somewhere that's too expensive, then raise it before you go in . You can say it's a bit above your budget, or if that's too embarassing say your best friend had a really bad meal there and you would rather eat somewhere else.....

I could never have a man think I "owe" them or haven't paid my way.

Person_one

I think the 'you ask, you pay' rule works really really well in avoiding any awkwardness or financial mismatch early on while neatly sidestepping any gender equality issues. As long as couple generally take it in turns to 'invite' each other it works out pretty fairly.

Think about the difference when planning dates in the beginning of a relationship and later on. You start out saying 'would you like to go place a with me' or 'I'd love to take you out for drinks at place b'.

After a while it becomes 'shall we go for dinner? Where?' and you have a much better idea of tastes, finances and are comfortable discussing all this stuff.

euronorris

Personally, I always went prepared to pay half and would offer. Most times my offer was refused and so I accepted graciously.

I don't think it should be down to whoever asked. After all, if you didn't want to go then you didn't have to!

But....I remember discussing this with a couple of male friends who both insisted that it wasn't fair that it was expected of them to pay, that it was too expensive (especially in London) etc etc. However, they also both admitted that they wouldn't let a date go halves with them as they thought it would reflect badly on them!! Can't win.

I did try to explain that a nice girl, who doesn't expect for a guy to pay for everything, wouldn't mind but it fell on deaf ears.

smcqis

i expect the woman to pay everything on first date

euronorris

Oh, I also wanted to see if there was a difference of opinion depending on your location?

ie, I always found dates in Kent to be far more relaxed, but ones in London were always a bit OTT and horrendously expensive, like a walk around Hyde Park on a Saturday afternoon wouldn't be good enough or something. I think this has a lot to do with competition between guys in high flying jobs though. I could be wrong.

CaroLondon

On a first date I would always offer to go halves, but if he accepted my offer I would be a bit put out and less likely to go on a second date!

Caro

PS: I would then pay for the second date......if there was one.

Lotus-eater

If a lady insisted on an expensive place, then didn't offer to pay half, (I wouldn't ask her to) there wouldn't be another date, because I don't want to be with someone that selfish.

If after the first date I tried for a low cost option like a walk with ice cream and she wanted another expensive date, she would also be chucked.

When I met my OH, the first few dates cost me absolutely nothing very romantic though.


She's cost me a fortune since then mind.

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

If after the first date I tried for a low cost option like a walk with ice cream and she wanted another expensive date, she would also be chucked.

Does anyone actually prefer the expensive, sit down meal type date?

I've always preferred something more fun, like a picnic, or bowling, or even cycling. Breaks the ice and actually allows you to talk to each other (cinema is awful for a first date IMO).

geri1965_2

I would always expect to go halves. I've never been on a date to a restaurant, it's usually to the pub so I would expect to take it in turns to get drinks in.

I don't see it as any different to going to the cinema with a female friend - am I expected to pay because I suggested it?

bugbabe1970

When my hubby and i first met i was earning more money than him so i used to pay more than he did. There was a point when he was living abroad so he would use his money on ringing me everyday and on the airfare home, then i would pay for everything when he was home.

It would be a shame if you missed out on the oportunity of a wonderful relationship just because the guy couldnt "afford you". The first date or two, let him pay, then I think its fair to go 50/50. Going out and about can be very expensive these days, so as this is a money saving site then how about a few NSDs (no spend dates!!!) They usuallt turn out to be the best ones. My husband and I still have these and we have been married for 16 years. Nothing like wrapping up warm and going for a lovely walk hand in hand on the prom and and a nice cup of hot chocolate at the end of it! good luck x