Need support and advice - OH in trouble...

ZTD

Well good on you for sticking by him. He has a woman in a million, I hope he keeps telling you this.

Willsnarf1983

ZTD wrote:

Well good on you for sticking by him. He has a woman in a million, I hope he keeps telling you this.

to right!

Will

katskorner

Thanks peeps. That is really appreciated.

WesternExpress

Well done for such excellent progress. I think he is a very lucky man to have someone as great as you (I wish I did). Hope you can build your trust levels up again, such things take time to heal, but I believe you will do it.

katskorner

John_Smith wrote:

I've just reviewed all messages and just wanted to say "Well Done" for getting through the problem that has arisen.

I don't have all the facts in front of me but it may have been worth considering making a one off lump sum settlement offer to your husband's creditors through an Individual Voluntary Arrangement. This would have protected your savings and your half share interest in your property. It would also have "eaten up" your husband's share of any assets you own so that it wouldn't be such a huge problem if (heaven forbid) further debts subsequently accrued.

Thanks John Smith, but we didn't want to go down that road as we want to keep our credit record intact. I have done nothing wrong and my OH managed to avoid any problems with missing payments - he kept on top of those thank goodness. Entering into an IVA would have seriously affected our credit and that means I would have ended up paying higher mortgage rates in the future because those things are in joint names. It simply wasn't somewhere we wanted to go. Why should I be penalised for his mistake now when we have found a way out (OK yes my savings are gone) without the need for affecting credit records?

spiderspider

hi Katscorner,
i cant offer you any practical advice but i know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend dropped the same bombshell on me more or less a year ago. Luckily we dont have children but we had just bought our first house and then he tells me he is around £25K in debt! i had no idea either but i constantly asked what was wrong because he wasnt himself. To cut a very long story short i stood by him because i could see he needed my help. Abandoning him at that point wouldnt have helped either of us. Finally after 6 months of meetings and arrangements he is slowly paying back what he owes - payplan were a great help! :T He learnt a massive lesson and i hope your OH does too. Its such a shock for you i can imagine and i really feel for you x

katskorner

Update: Last bill is in now and will be paid by the end of the month. So then the mortgage further advance is the only things left.

Feeling pretty low - it is my birthday in just over a week and although I don't need anything, it won't be nice not beoing able to go out and do what I wanted to or not have any small pressies from OH or the kids as he has no money now. Not that I want anything but it will be strange. Christmas will be the same. I have money to buy him a few things but he has none.

I_was_a_fool

Sorry, didnt read whole thread! Best wishes to you both.

jla

hi,i have been interested in this thread as i have had a gambling addiction for many years and have lots of thoughts on ga and helping with someone in this situation.
I am 36 years old and live in essex and have not gambled for 3 years after gambling since i was thirteen.
i think the best thing is for me to give you a few details of what me choosing to gamble has cost me and my family.
my gambling was on horses and dogs ect in betting shops and the last few years were on the internet.i was not really into machines or casinos.
living with any gambler while they are gambling is a nightmare .my mum thought she was helping me out of problems but lost everything including;
all wages (150,000) over 15 years, 2 propertys (she owned them both fully but after pressure from me for years remorgaged them again and again)
I also lost all my own wages when i worked,150,000 loans ,credit cards , whatever i could get) i d fraud on my brother (15,000),loans from my brother.
I went from being a nice person ,head boy at boarding school,many friends, girlfriends to someone in their 30 s lonely and a thief ect unable to get a job.
I tried all the help ga ect for many years but like 90% of the people their ,continued to gamble while making out they had stopped.
any help paying a gamblers debt, will give them the chance to use that money again.
i feel the only and best way to really help someone is to try and get a place at gordon house in birmingham. it is a residential unit where you have no access to money ect,councelling for 6/9 months and if you want to stop ,you get some help.
by paying off debts,i feel that you will find yourself in a worse situation down the line.
does money ever not get paid on things and then the excuses start? do not fall for it.
i know how hard it is when you have young kids ect,but i would hate to see you in a worse situation down the line.

my situation now is a lot better since not gambling, i work,have a girlfriend and am starting to be the person i should be.my family are behind me as well even after all i did to them.
all the best
jerry

andrepoo

I'm so sorry ofr your situation. How awful when it's not a situation of your making! Have you been to the citizens advice? They are really good and should be able to help you, best of all it's free!!
Good luck and chin-up!