Need support and advice - OH in trouble...

katskorner

SSB wrote:

Hi
It is good to hear that this gambling problem is being recognised, however if my partner would land himself in similar predicament, I would not pay his debts for him. Not because I'm mean or do not love him but because it would send a wrong message.
I currently work in a profession were we often deal with individuals with addiction issues and learning to take the responsibility for their actions is a massive hurdle. Therefore, it is up to your husband to fully face the situation and tell you what he intends to do. If his debts are cleared quickly and by you, it does not give him time to fully appreciate the consequences of his actions.
Good luck to both of you and all the best.

Whilst I fully appreciate the point you are making, if I did not help clear his debts then the interest would be accruing to silly amounts and as we have a sole income then I would be affected that way anyhow. So it made sense to clear them and reduce the outgoings. I want his to learn a lesson - oh believe me I do - but it seems crazy to put my family into an even worse financial situation when that could be avoided.

jla

SSB wrote:

Hi
It is good to hear that this gambling problem is being recognised, however if my partner would land himself in similar predicament, I would not pay his debts for him. Not because I'm mean or do not love him but because it would send a wrong message.
I currently work in a profession were we often deal with individuals with addiction issues and learning to take the responsibility for their actions is a massive hurdle. Therefore, it is up to your husband to fully face the situation and tell you what he intends to do. If his debts are cleared quickly and by you, it does not give him time to fully appreciate the consequences of his actions.
Good luck to both of you and all the best.

ssb,agree with your post 100 %.I really think that you help the person gambling more in the long run by making them face the situation,but just my view.

beer2006

Just read through the whole thread. Its great to see you staying together, so your kids will have both loving parents.

When your husband said about gambling sites pulling you in with special offers/free bets etc, it came to me again about the gambling loophole board on here, with all the awful stories we have heard about on this thread........ well it makes you think doesn't it?

Without any doubt, the internet has been a good thing, but I can only see the online gambling stories getting worse for the forseeable future.
Especially now the US has banned online gambling (I think thats still right) so the companies are going to target europe alot more.

katskorner

beer2006 wrote:

When your husband said about gambling sites pulling you in with special offers/free bets etc, it came to me again about the gambling loophole board on here, with all the awful stories we have heard about on this thread........ well it makes you think doesn't it?

I personally would like to see that board removed from this forum as I think it could tempt people into gambling when they would never have even looked at these sites before. I know that is not the intention of that board but intentions do not always help.

jla

katskorner wrote:

I personally would like to see that board removed from this forum as I think it could tempt people into gambling when they would never have even looked at these sites before. I know that is not the intention of that board but intentions do not always help.

i agree with you 100% but others will say they should have a right to look at that thread.i think the harm it has done to many people and their familys overrides that.

katskorner

OK.

Today I have just paid the last £4600 off the credit cards. The debt of £54000 is now defunct. The only burden now is the extra £13000 we had to put on the mortgage to clear the debt but that is better than paying further interest on the credit cards.

So. Now we build back up again. It will get better. It is getting better. I do have some savings left too - actually I have a fair bit (approx 6K) so I have the buffer I need and may use some of that to reduce the mortgage. The kids savings are untouched and we are still adding to them each month too. At least the financial nightmare is sorted.

Let's hope the relationship will continue to improve and we can get that back on track too. Our kids need us and we need each other.

IT CAN AND WILL BE DONE.

WesternExpress

All the best, you sound to be making real progress, keep it up.

Lisa982

katskorner wrote:

OK.

Today I have just paid the last £4600 off the credit cards. The debt of £54000 is now defunct. The only burden now is the extra £13000 we had to put on the mortgage to clear the debt but that is better than paying further interest on the credit cards.

So. Now we build back up again. It will get better. It is getting better. I do have some savings left too - actually I have a fair bit (approx 6K) so I have the buffer I need and may use some of that to reduce the mortgage. The kids savings are untouched and we are still adding to them each month too. At least the financial nightmare is sorted.

Let's hope the relationship will continue to improve and we can get that back on track too. Our kids need us and we need each other.

IT CAN AND WILL BE DONE.

Hi ya,

Am so pleased that things are starting to look up for you. Our situation is still not great becasue my husbands debt (similar to the amount yours had) is going to have to be paid back gradually (we are using payplan) and so it will be 8 years before its gone (we have no savings etc) but with the plan starting to work now - we are able to try and work at our relationship too and start picking up the pieces and build up the trust again.

Good luck, I really hope that things work out for you. I'm sure there are plenty that would think us mad for standing by our husbands after such deceit but my husband has/had a problem/illness and we married for better or WORSE in SICKNESS and health, like I'm sure you did and I think we should both be proud of ourselves for not giving up on them!!

Take care
xxxxx

jla

kats,lisa hope things are ok with you both.
a good website and forum is gordon house.just google gordon house.it has a good forum where lots of people who have been in various situations caused by gambling.Also a good book about gambling is called (quit compulsive gambling) by gordon moody.not easy to find but most libraries have it.
I continue not to gamble and things ok,but still have problems due to when i was gambling.I am unable to get even a basic bank account due to getting a credit card in my brothers name and cifas ect but i did it so i can t really moan too much.
good luck.

katskorner

Hi.

I think we are on the road to recovery now. We bought me a car at the weekend. Not new but an 04 plate so not old either. Perfect size for the family and suitable for what we need.

Part-exchanged my old one and then cleared the balance without needing any help with finance. Plus we havea bit left over too!

So now we are getting there. We will need to replace the other car too soon but have to save more first!

And it is our sixth wedding anniversary at the weekend and we are taking the kids away in the caravan for a break. Happy days.

Hope everyone else is good!

Love Kat..