How much to give OH for rent bills etc?

Lotus-eater

euronorris wrote: »

It's not always easy to tell whether someone's good with finances at first, or in some cases, until you live together. By which time you're already in love and reluctant to 'give up' on the relationship.

Oh to be young and stupid again :rotfl:

It used to be, the size of the boobies made up for the size of the debt. Thankgoodness I've moved on now..... um hang on a mo, I'm not sure I've quite got this the right way round...

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Oh to be young and stupid again :rotfl:

It used to be, the size of the boobies made up for the size of the debt. Thankgoodness I've moved on now..... um hang on a mo, I'm not sure I've quite got this the right way round...

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

rayray35

As sombody who was in a loving (at the time) relationship for nearly 10 years and recently split up, i can really say it is easier to have seperate finances. No matter what people think if you can walk away with whats yours without having to sit down and talk about it (believe me this is the last thing you want to do) Obviously if you have kids this is totally different and shared finances are neccesary. i did leave a lot of the shared stuff just because i wanted to make a fresh start and believe it or not didnt want to leave him with nothing as i had contributed a lot in terms of physical things whereas he had paid a lot for holidays etc. we did it as amicably as possible when your going through a split but me being able to take my money for a deposit and rent on a flat and other bits was much easier than having to talk through everything first. We still speak due to fact we were able to have a clean split with no further arguments about finances
To all the couples who think that they will always be amicable and look out for the oh best interest what about if you found out he was cheating on you and was paying for sombody elses kids which is what happended to a friend of mine , most people(not all) would not want to give their other half anything as my friend didnt - just a comment.

specsappeal

just to say that if you have joint accounts and split up you can call the bank to warn them that there are issues and the bank can put measures in place to stop one of the partners emptying the account. they flag the account so that you can only withdraw money from it if both people sign the withdrawal slip ( i worked in a bank and have seen this several times).

euronorris

specsappeal wrote: »

just to say that if you have joint accounts and split up you can call the bank to warn them that there are issues and the bank can put measures in place to stop one of the partners emptying the account. they flag the account so that you can only withdraw money from it if both people sign the withdrawal slip ( i worked in a bank and have seen this several times).

This can also cause problems in that it makes it difficult for one person to leave and rent a place of their own, as they would have to agree with the other person, how much they can take from the account. I'd love to believe that everyone would be civil and reasonable in these instances but it's not always the case.

And this wouldn't stop someone from clearing the account and then announcing the departure.

But, it is a great solution for those couples who are keen to keep the split amicable.

Person_one

specsappeal wrote: »

just to say that if you have joint accounts and split up you can call the bank to warn them that there are issues and the bank can put measures in place to stop one of the partners emptying the account. they flag the account so that you can only withdraw money from it if both people sign the withdrawal slip ( i worked in a bank and have seen this several times).

Its great that they can stop one partner taking everything, but it might be a problem if the joint account is your only source of funds and you need your exes permission to access any money from it! That could get ugly!

Clare_king

Hi, once you know what your outgoings are, you can devise a fair system for paying - I think it should be on a percentage basis if you earn less than him. Yes, finances are better to be considered as a whole, but obviously that means each person in the relationship should have an equal amount of disposable income, especially if you didn't choose to pay £1000 in rent a month.

RadoJo

Gemsgalore wrote: »

That kind of set up is my idea of hell. I can't imagine arguing over who bought what and who paid more for something.....it's alien to me. We have never had an argument over money and to the poster who said that she wouldn't like to ask if she could buy something......it's just not like that at all....it's just respecting the other person by saying ''can we afford this or do you think we shouldn't buy it''. I guess it's just everything is 'we' rather than you and I.

What happens if one of you give up work to have kids then.....does the other person not pay the bills because one isn't earning? What if you have a disabled child and can never go back to work. What happens if one of you is taken ill and is unable to work again.......does the other person then do a runner because you have no money? What would happen to couples who keep money seperate if these things happened and only one wage is coming in?

I think you are reading a lot into the issue which simply isn't there - I don't think anyone on here has separate finances so that they would have an easy route to abandoning their partner if they had a disabled child together, and to imply that this would happen purely as a result of keeping your finances separate seems a bit of a leap.

I agree that different things work for different people and as much as some people's arrangements seem odd to me, who am I to judge their relationship on the basis of how they bank their wages?

I am surprised however, that on a moneysaving board where there are frequently questions from people in the difficult position of trying to leave someone who has full financial control of them, people are being so scathing about separate finances. For the unfortunate few who have had the trauma of extricating themselves from a violent or abusive situation, keeping separate finances will seem like a no-brainer regardless of how their subsequent relationships go.

I also think that those in that position would warn against being so confident that nothing could ever go wrong in your relationship - mental health issues, a life-changing accident and plenty of other external factors can change the way someone behaves and the values they have, so nobody is immune from relationship difficulties. We should all be grateful that we are in positions to choose how we manage our money rather than casting aspersions about what that means for others' relationships.

emsywoo123

RadoJo wrote: »

I think you are reading a lot into the issue which simply isn't there - I don't think anyone on here has separate finances so that they would have an easy route to abandoning their partner if they had a disabled child together, and to imply that this would happen purely as a result of keeping your finances separate seems a bit of a leap.

I agree that different things work for different people and as much as some people's arrangements seem odd to me, who am I to judge their relationship on the basis of how they bank their wages?

I am surprised however, that on a moneysaving board where there are frequently questions from people in the difficult position of trying to leave someone who has full financial control of them, people are being so scathing about separate finances. For the unfortunate few who have had the trauma of extricating themselves from a violent or abusive situation, keeping separate finances will seem like a no-brainer regardless of how their subsequent relationships go.

I also think that those in that position would warn against being so confident that nothing could ever go wrong in your relationship - mental health issues, a life-changing accident and plenty of other external factors can change the way someone behaves and the values they have, so nobody is immune from relationship difficulties. We should all be grateful that we are in positions to choose how we manage our money rather than casting aspersions about what that means for others' relationships.

Perfect post, nice

seven-day-weekend

euronorris wrote: »

I am curious as to why having a joint account is such a positive thing.

What positives do you gain?

As with floss2, OH and I are still totally open about our finances and everything else for that matter, without the joint account. Lotus - I understand that you have access to each other's accounts etc, but I can't see why I would need to access my OH's account, other than for convenience purposes.

Seven-Day-Weekend - It's not because I believe we will split up. It's because I know that, no matter how much I believe it will work, how much I trust him etc, I could still be proven wrong. I believed my ex was Mr Fantastic until I found out he had been sleeping with half the female population of my hometown and then refused to repay the 2k I previously lent him. But the point is you Lent it to him. I have no money to lend my husband. He has none to lend me. It all belongs to both of us already. And that was despite reassurances beforehand that he would definitely pay it back, even if we split up. But you were talking about a future time when you might split up? It has never entered mine not my husband's heads in 38 years of marriage that we might split up. More fool me, eh?

And, no matter how much you love someone, it doesn't mean that they will ever be any good at managing/understanding finances.

See my comments in blue above.

I agree that it must be difficult if you have totally different attitudes to finances, in which case you come to an arrangement which is mutually agreeable. This may be having separate accounts.