How much to give OH for rent bills etc?

euronorris

kindofagilr wrote: »

Thats doesnt make us who have a joint account not smart though, thank you very much.

My apologies. I did not intend to offend anyone with that comment, nor was I trying to imply that anyone who decides to 'pool' their money is not smart.

I just think it is prudent to keep some financial separation in case things go wrong. But, I do also understand that there are also benefits to combining finances for some people. Perhaps I should've worded it better.

Gemsgalore - Your statement of 'finding it sad and cold' is still offensive to me, even if that wasn't your intention.

I wasn't jumping down your throat. I'm sorry if it came across that way, but I was offended by the insuation that any couple who keeps their finances separate is 'sad and cold' in your eyes.

As for separation - I've had many friends who believed that, should they split, everything would be split equally. When it happened, it was a completely different story! And there are more than a few women who stay in bad relationships precisely because they have no money to leave with.

It's very nice of you to take on your OH's debt, but it was never an obligation, nor should it be. Like you said, it's your choice, and it's my choice to not let my OH do the same for me.

Personally, I fear that doing so would affect the dynamics of our relationship in a negative way, and I'm not willing to risk that.

A joint account where a set amount of money is paid into each month to cover household bills and another for joint savings, with the rest of the money for ourselves is how we prefer to keep things.

Gemsgalore

I actually remember my dad coming home with his pay packet every week and handing the whole lot over to my mum. She then gave him his 'pocket money' !!

We discussed this recently and she said this was the case with all women she knew and the husband wouldn't dare spend any of it.........not if he wanted to eat the rest of the week

pelirocco

euronorris wrote: »

That's great if it works for you.

Oh, and anyone who prefers to keep part of their finances separate is not sad and cold (but thanks for the insult!). They're smart.

I like to be independant and part of that is keeping a portion of my finances separate. I also don't want my OH to be saddled with paying for my debt. He would do it in a heartbeat, but why should he? He didn't accrue that debt, I did.

Plus, if the worst comes to the worst, having some of your own money is essential in making a break. That doesn't mean I think we will fail, it just means that I realise that seemingly great relationships do still fall apart.

But in a way by not pooling your money he is paying for the debt? I too find it strange keeping finances separate . Some of the couples I know who do this also keep a note of what the other person owes them !!

relationships do fall apart , having a joint bank account has never stopped anyone from leaving as far as i know ,

pelirocco

euronorris wrote: »

My apologies. I did not intend to offend anyone with that comment, nor was I trying to imply that anyone who decides to 'pool' their money is not smart.

I just think it is prudent to keep some financial separation in case things go wrong. But, I do also understand that there are also benefits to combining finances for some people. Perhaps I should've worded it better.

Gemsgalore - Your statement of 'finding it sad and cold' is still offensive to me, even if that wasn't your intention.

I wasn't jumping down your throat. I'm sorry if it came across that way, but I was offended by the insuation that any couple who keeps their finances separate is 'sad and cold' in your eyes.

As for separation - I've had many friends who believed that, should they split, everything would be split equally. When it happened, it was a completely different story! And there are more than a few women who stay in bad relationships precisely because they have no money to leave with.

It's very nice of you to take on your OH's debt, but it was never an obligation, nor should it be. Like you said, it's your choice, and it's my choice to not let my OH do the same for me.

Personally, I fear that doing so would affect the dynamics of our relationship in a negative way, and I'm not willing to risk that.

A joint account where a set amount of money is paid into each month to cover household bills and another for joint savings, with the rest of the money for ourselves is how we prefer to keep things.

If they are working then they will have money , if they arent they wouldnt have money anyway

seven-day-weekend

My husband and myself have never understood why two people, who presumably loved each other once, can not look after each other's interests if they split up.

We would, like other posters have said , split everything 50-50 because we would not want to see the other one struggling.

We would not have a list that said 'I bought that', 'This was paid for by me' or 'you can only have 1/3 of everything because you earned only 1/3 of the money'.

I suppose it depends how long you have been together though, and whether you are married or not.

Gemsgalore

We will have to agree to differ Euronorris as I won't apologize for saying that I find the situation sad and cold. I'm not saying you are sad and cold as a person, but for me, a couple who find they need to keep finances separate must be missing that trust somewhere. Just my opinion.

I wouldn't live with someone in this situation for too long mind you, I would only move in when I'm ready to marry in the next few months as then a divorce would mean everything would be split equally.....as it was in the marriage.

euronorris

pelirocco wrote: »

But in a way by not pooling your money he is paying for the debt? I too find it strange keeping finances separate . Some of the couples I know who do this also keep a note of what the other person owes them !!

relationships do fall apart , having a joint bank account has never stopped anyone from leaving as far as i know ,

How is he paying for my debt? Please explain, as I don't understand where you're coming from there.

Don't get me wrong, OH and I don't make notes of who owes what or anything like that. In fact we regularly 'lend' each other 50 Euro's or so right before payday (we differ by nearly two weeks) if needed, but neither of us expects to pay the other back as it's not one sided IYSWIM. It all evens out in the end.

It's not having a joint bank account that would cause issues. It's having ALL of your money in joint accounts that I disagree with and that would cause problems. It may not stop some people leaving, but there are others for whom one person in the relationship holds all the power financially, even if both are working. ie, he/she may hold all the debit/credit cards, bank login details etc etc.

It doesn't make it impossible, but it certainly makes it a lot more difficult, in an already difficult time.

Somnium

I'm another with a joint account only, all our wages go in and what ever is spare after bills and other essentials is very little so we usually agree what we are using it for sometimes a treat, sometimes savings! We dont have seperate money but this is what works for us and what we are happy with. We did start with seperate accounts and transfered money into a joint to pay for essentials, but circumstances have changed. At the end of the day I think its what works for you and what your both happy with.

Gemsgalore

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My husband and myself have never understood why two people, who presumably loved each other once, can not look after each other's interests if they split up.

We would, like other posters have said , split everything 50-50 because we would not want to see the other one struggling.

We would not have a list that said 'I bought that', 'This was paid for by me' or 'you can only have 1/3 of everything because you earned only 1/3 of the money'.

I suppose it depends how long you have been together though, and whether you are married or not.

That kind of set up is my idea of hell. I can't imagine arguing over who bought what and who paid more for something.....it's alien to me. We have never had an argument over money and to the poster who said that she wouldn't like to ask if she could buy something......it's just not like that at all....it's just respecting the other person by saying ''can we afford this or do you think we shouldn't buy it''. I guess it's just everything is 'we' rather than you and I.

What happens if one of you give up work to have kids then.....does the other person not pay the bills because one isn't earning? What if you have a disabled child and can never go back to work. What happens if one of you is taken ill and is unable to work again.......does the other person then do a runner because you have no money? What would happen to couples who keep money seperate if these things happened and only one wage is coming in?

euronorris

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My husband and myself have never understood why two people, who presumably loved each other once, can not look after each other's interests if they split up.

We would, like other posters have said , split everything 50-50 because we would not want to see the other one struggling.

We would not have a list that said 'I bought that', 'This was paid for by me' or 'you can only have 1/3 of everything because you earned only 1/3 of the money'.

I suppose it depends how long you have been together though, and whether you are married or not.

Depends on the individuals.

I'm of the same opinion as you are if OH and I were to split. As is he.

But, it doesn't always work like that. Break ups can become very, very messy. And once very loving couples suddenly want to do anything and everything to 'get back' at the other person.

I've seen it happen and I'm cautious as a result.

Oh Gems, we definitely have a different opinion here, that's for sure! We don't NEED to keep our finances separate, in the same way we don't NEED to collate them. It's a preference, a choice.

And the living together thing - again we disagree. I prefer living together for quite a while before Marriage. Living together is so different to just dating. I wanted extra time to be sure that we still got on once we started living together.

Again, seen so many great couples move in together, only to split up within the first 18 months.