How much to give OH for rent bills etc?

Sunshine12

euronorris wrote: »

Agreed.

But if other areas make the break up messy, then having your own finances to fall back on is extremely useful, and eases the process.

I'm not sure how much access you have/are entitled to with a joint account in the event of a split. I mean, if you had 10k in a joint savings account, what's to stop the other person from withdrawing a substantial amount of that without your agreement, during a split? How would you ever prove it was without your agreement?

Edit: There are pro's and con's to both ways of doing things.

I completely agree. I would never have one account with my earnings and OH earnings in it. We may have a joint account for bills/holidays but that would be it. Not because Im worried about us splitting up, just because I prefer to have my own money that I can do with what I like. I would hate the idea of asking my OH if it was ok to spend money. e.g He just bought an extremely expensive car and although we obviously discussed it generally I would never in a million years think of telling him he wasnt allowed to, nor did he ask my permission. He wanted it so he bought it and thats the way I like it if I want to buy something. Its his money to do with as he pleases and he feels the same with me. I think its just what works in your relationship rather than the perception that not having a joint account is a reflection of how strong the relationship is (or isnt as the case may be.)

thisuseridistakenagain

im with sunshine12 and person_one

im a scrounger, hes a splurger. i dont want to change him and stop him being a splurger, thats who he is, and he can afford to do that, so why not. and vice versa.

Im a scrounger, and like to save money on everything possible. So I would rather he splurged his money and i scrounged mine. we might not be compatible financially, but believe it or not, one of the things we love about each other, is how we both take pleasure in either splurging or scrounging!

we have just moved in together so maybe as it progresses our plan will change, but for now, im happy to keep it separate.

i appreciate everyone's comments though, thanks.

Person_one

I also am of the belief that living together is kind of a practice run stage. You're moving your relationship up a step to see how you get along under the same roof and sharing a bed/the housework/the bills etc. For a lot of couples it becomes obvious quite soon that dating was fine but living together won't work, so it really does make sense not to throw everything in one pot straightaway.

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

I also am of the belief that living together is kind of a practice run stage. You're moving your relationship up a step to see how you get along under the same roof and sharing a bed/the housework/the bills etc. For a lot of couples it becomes obvious quite soon that dating was fine but living together won't work, so it really does make sense not to throw everything in one pot straightaway.

Agreed. And it doesn't matter how long you've been together either. Whether it's only been a few months or 5 years.

It's soooo different, you really will not know for sure until you're living together, whether or not you're able to co-habit.

I also can't imagine discussing so many purchases with my OH. I understand that big things should be discussed and that it works for others, but it's not for me.

OH and I differ, sometimes, on the amount we are willing to spend on certain items. For example, with a new laptop, I would be trying to keep this as cheap as possible for my needs. OH, however, would happily spend double what I would as he's quite techy and so he wants all the extra features etc. And with his own money, he can spend as much as he likes on it, and I can spend as little as I like. lol

But, as you said earlier Person, if our circumstances changed (ie, loss of job, illness etc) either one of us would happily take on the responsibility of the bills until the situation was resolved. We wouldn't keep tabs either, expecting it to be repaid at a later date or anything like that. But again, doing this wouldn't require us to have all our money paid into one joint account.

brians_daughter

Gemsgalore wrote: »

I'm perplexed by this, .....how much towards bills .....and how much towards rent etc etc .I find it a wee bit sad and cold.

Don't couples who live together just put it all into one pot nowadays? We have a joint account and joint saving accounts. In my relationship, whats mine is his and whats his is mine.......there's complete trust and we both buy what we like, when we like and if its a big purchase, then we just discuss it before buying.

For me personally I couldn't have it any other way.

Thats great if it works for you! Personally i could never work like this! for me it comes from the fact i was in a relationship and worked the finances this way. We split, he took every penny from the account and left. This was the day after payday!

fast forward 12 years and i have been with oh 9 years but we still ahve seperate ££s. We each have bills we pay that equal the same % ratio to our earnings and we have a family account for saving for xmas etc. But we both have the financial independance from each other as well.

I think if ppl are generally from my parents generation ie 55 plus they view things differently. Society has changed , as have families ie more step families and the like, plus, with more women now working than ever before you will find more and more of them wish for financial independance ie own account aas well as a joint household account

In a way i find it sad, because i believe it is a futher step away from what was considered the norm ie joint everything and stability in families.

I would bet that if we did a 'poll' on those who keep finances seperate and those that are joint we would find its the people who have been together a long time ie 20 years plus that have joint finances. It simply is a change in societies norms and values that has us differing in opinion


Anyway, in answer to op question, have a chat with him. I have a brother whos gf hasnt worked for 3 years as shes been bringing up the kids. They now carry on as before ie he pays all bills but her money goes into savings and they book holidays, pay for xmas and save out of her ££s works really well for them but they werent struggling with her at home, so it just depends on the financial situ of you and oh!

elfen

You earn about a third of what he does, so could you give him about the same amount? (say between 250-300) as that's a fair proportion of your wages and would probably cover the bills per month.

Me and OH have our own money, but if we want to, we can spend some on each other, or not. It's our choice.

clairec79

If you are earning about £12,000 a year, you have about a quarter of his income so could you do 1/4 of the bills? - so £250 towards rent plus your share of electric/gas/council tax/food etc

morocha

oh... i have a joint account with OH and a single one, he has a single one too.
joint account =rent+bills
my personal account is mine, i like saving and i am paying off my cc
my oh's personal account is his, he has a loan that i did not agreed with, so i could not think of paying towards that, also he has some other debt.
if he need helps, he knows i am there for him, he even offered to pay towards my debts, but i refused.
i like to keep my finances in the way i like. Im a person who plans almost for everything ( travelling to see my family, which is quite expensive.. holidays for us, this and that .. he is a bit of a spender...( loves his bikes and cars...
i do not think there is anything wrong with this, i just like keeping my space and be able to deal with my finances on my own.

Katie-Kat-Kins

These discussions always get so heated......

Personally I think it is only prudent to have some separation of finances. No matter how strong your relationship now, and how much you trust each other things can change.

My DH and I have a joint account for joint expenses that we put money into monthly and individual accounts for our own spending money and savings. We are happy to fund eachother when necessary, like now when he is trying to get his own business off the ground, he is contributing nothing and I am paying so that he can go out and keep up hobbies - I don't begrudge this. But at the end of the day we each have our own account if we need it.

You never know whether someone might become a gambling addict or develop a mental illness or have a business go bankrupt or do something else that leads to them squandering all the funds they have access to. This way you can protect some of your assets.

You also never know whether one partner might leave and empty the joint account before they go. Some people manage amicable splits but sadly some don't and even seemingly happy trusting couples sometimes split. I know of a couple who have been together happily for 30 years with no apparent problems, the husband went away on business and called his wife up part way through the trip to say he was never coming home. She has been left financially ruined and he won't be reasonable because he wants to fund his new girlfriend. No one could have predicted this, they were devout christians with what seemed to be a solid relationship. It is sensible to give yourself some kind of protection.

honeyD

At the minute we have seperate accounts and all the money goes into mine.
We have tried to open a joint account but the bank is carp and didnt do it so we gave up. I transfer money to his account all the time but the money we do have is "ours". I dont give him pocket money or anything like that. If he wants money he has it, I just get him it from the bank or transfer it to his account and he can get it from there. Guess he must trust me a lot to have all the money lol. :rotfl: