Anyone Child Free By Choice?

*Beki*

"Childfree By choice (CFBC) means that you don't have children now because you chose not to have them, you NEVER want them and you'll NEVER have them. To reiterate: NEVER WANT AND SHALL NEVER HAVE."

@Pete3278 I understand what you're saying- some people are really sure what they want in life, and I envy them! But I'm sure there must be people around who at the moment are Childfree By Choice but may (possibly) in the future change their minds. I don't think that that makes their current decision to be childfree any less significant than others.

Pete3278

*Beki* wrote: »

"Childfree By choice (CFBC) means that you don't have children now because you chose not to have them, you NEVER want them and you'll NEVER have them. To reiterate: NEVER WANT AND SHALL NEVER HAVE."

@Pete3278 I understand what you're saying- some people are really sure what they want in life, and I envy them! But I'm sure there must be people around who at the moment are Childfree By Choice but may (possibly) in the future change their minds. I don't think that that makes their current decision to be childfree any less significant than others.

I'll reiterate for you, if you use the term "Childfree by Choice" to describe yourself it should be because you've thought about whether to have children or not and have decided not to. If you haven't made the decision yet, you're what the CFBC often call a "fence-sitter", the term (currently) childless can be used too. If you say you're childfree by choice and then have kids, you weren't ever childfree by choice at all, you just hadn't had kids yet. It's quite simple. The term CFBC was created by people who wanted to differentiate themselves from those who were yet to have children and those who biologically couldn't. The term was created to prevent us from being pitied because people thought we couldn't have children and to stand up proudly against all of those who think it's OK to cast aspersions about our personalities based purely on our inoffensive and harmless lifestyle choice.

Childfree by choice isn't a current decision, it is a decision to be made after much thought. To imply that you can be childfree and then not belittles all of the respect and recognition that the CFBC movement has been striving for. If you've not made your mind up yet, please defer from using the term "childfree by choice" and simply tell people that you've not made your mind up yet. As a bonus, you'll probably get less vitriol for it!

[Deleted User]

*Beki* wrote: »

"Childfree By choice (CFBC) means that you don't have children now because you chose not to have them, you NEVER want them and you'll NEVER have them. To reiterate: NEVER WANT AND SHALL NEVER HAVE."

@Pete3278 I understand what you're saying- some people are really sure what they want in life, and I envy them! But I'm sure there must be people around who at the moment are Childfree By Choice but may (possibly) in the future change their minds. I don't think that that makes their current decision to be childfree any less significant than others.

Yes, such people do exist, but they are not Childfree by Choice. Being childfree is not a temporary status, it is a fixed decision, as much as parenthood is. Those who currently do not have children but are undecided about whether they want them in the future are simply 'undecided'. You can't be childfree and then have children, as Pete says, this is insulting to genuinely CF people who are dead set on never having children. If you think you are childfree then go on to have children, you were never childfree, you were childless. Some people have argued about the terms used and that the differences are petty. Not so. The term childfree was established to give people who do not want or have children a voice and to establish the fact that this is a legitimate choice, as much as having children is. They are distinguished from childless people who do not have children due to circumstance but who want them (the 'less' part of their name implying a lacking or loss as a result of having no children while the 'free' part in childfree indicates something that was not desired in the first place). I don't mean to be pedantic but I think the correct usage of these terms will hopefully one day establish childfreedom as a permanent choice as opposed to a fleeting situation that eventually is expected to give way to parenthood.

SandC

Steady on Pete and Goldilockz

I do not wish to be part of any 'movement'. I just am cfbc, don't stick me in a group!

Person_one

SandC wrote: »

Steady on Pete and Goldilockz

I do not wish to be part of any 'movement'. I just am cfbc, don't stick me in a group!

Um, yeah me too!

Some people do change their minds, its silly to pretend it never happens. I certainly don't describe anybody as a 'fence sitter'!

[Deleted User]

SandC wrote: »

Steady on Pete and Goldilockz

I do not wish to be part of any 'movement'. I just am cfbc, don't stick me in a group!

I don't think it's a movement necessarily, CFBC people have always been around but now they are starting to get heard a bit more and about time. No one is being stuck in a group either but I think, for future generations at least, that people should be aware that having children is a choice and that having kids is not the default option for everyone.

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

Um, yeah me too!

Some people do change their minds, its silly to pretend it never happens. I certainly don't describe anybody as a 'fence sitter'!

Yes, this is true, but I don't think it should be expected of CF people that they should change their minds one day, as it very often is.

Pete3278

SandC wrote: »

Steady on Pete and Goldilockz

I do not wish to be part of any 'movement'. I just am cfbc, don't stick me in a group!

My apologies if I've caused you any offense but being CFBC is increasingly popular and is often described in the media as a 'movement', given that it's quite literally a movement away from more traditionally held assumptions or ideals. It's not something I personally invented, nor do I consider it sinister. The very fact that increasing numbers of people are choosing to be CFBC means that it's more likely to be called a movement too. By making a personal choice that is becoming increasingly popular, you are a part of that 'movement' whether you wish to be or otherwise.

I'm CFBC too, I'm perfectly happy and comfortable with my decision to be CFBC and if more and more people are becoming CFBC and feel that it's a valid choice then I have no objections to being described as being part of that "movement". Relax - Nobody's asking you to sign enrolment papers or get a "CFBC Group identity card"!

Pete3278

Person_one wrote: »

Um, yeah me too!

Some people do change their minds, its silly to pretend it never happens. I certainly don't describe anybody as a 'fence sitter'!

Well, someone who hasn't made up their mind can be popularly described as 'sitting on the fence' so I do. If I haven't made my mind up I sometimes say "I'm sitting on the fence"...

Methinks that people are looking at things to take offence at here.

Gavin83

Pete3278 wrote: »

I am Childfree and vasectomised to ensure that I stay that way.

Can I ask how you went about this? I'd actually quite like to do this but I've always thought that doctors would refuse to do it on someone my age who doesn't already have kids, would this not be the case?