Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Person_one

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

Try reading what I wrote. I miss MY lay ins etc
As for the rest....tongue in cheek!

What on Earth made you think anyone on this thread wants to hear "Oh woe is me I have to get out of bed now I have children!"

Did you even read it?

Cherry_Bomb

Person_one wrote: »

What on Earth made you think anyone on this thread wants to hear "Oh woe is me I have to get out of bed now I have children!"

Did you even read it?

I haven't got time to read 30 pages.....I have a child!

Honestly joking in case it upsets you/anyone else

Sorry but I'm not sure what you're getting on your high horse about. Like I said tongue in cheek. If you don't like it click ignore and move along :cool:

Bluemeanie_2

Cherry_bomb, I can see your comment was tongue in cheek.

I really don't know what category I fall into too. Here is my boring story, now I don't know what to do, my mind changes constantly. I think maybe I don't want kids, just society/family has brainwashed me into thinking I did.

When I first met my husband he was honest and told me he had two kids and had the snip. I said no problem I don't want kids so makes contraception easier for me.
I met his kids and found I enjoyed spending time with them. I made a real effort (and still do) to include them, take them places, help them with their reading etc.
I always felt his Mum treated me second best to his ex as I didn't have kids (she is one of those annoying types who cares for nobody else now she has Grandkids). Also whenever his ex has been horrible about me, that's the first thing she insinuates about, that I am nothing just because I don't have a child.
Then theere was our Wedding. I did not want kids at our wedding. I made exception for my hubby to be kids but they were the only ones there. His sister had a huge problem that her kids were not invited. She just could not grasp I did not want ANY kids there and took it personally.

I tarted thinking I did want kids so hubby had snip reversal for me. It was allegedly successful. Now we been trying for 13 cycles and I am not pregnant. I can't help but be relieved. I just feel that I am not suited to giving up my whole life etc to devote to another. I am torn. If I feel like this I probably should not keep trying. However I feel I may miss my chance, as the tubes reseal so consultant was very honest about "getting with things".
Torn.

Saturnalia

I've never wanted children, just never felt that maternal urge and that's all I can say. As well, I've never been in a stable job, relationship and housing situation I could realistically bring a baby into. I'm a doolaly adoring aunt and cousin-once-removed but while I like spending time with the little ones (my little ratbags!), I could not stand it day-in-day-out. I'd make a rubbish mother but love being an aunt, which is totally different.

[Deleted User]

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

Ohhhh to be CFC

I miss my weekend lay ins, last minute nights out, shopping trips without having to buy anything child related. I hate having to drag myself out of bed at half 7 on a Sunday because DS needs a hit of bloody sugar puffs and Ben 10. I hate having to write out 30 xmas cards to kids in his class I've never even seen. I hate opening his school bag to find yet another party invite which means I've got to buy yet another present for a kid I don't even know the name of. I hate having to make outfits they have to wear for random days at the school that I also have the pleasure of donating a quid to! Stop asking me to help out at your bake sale/ crappy second hand toy sale. I am not interested!

And breath

CFC I'm jealous of you all!

I for one really appreciate posts like this and certainly don't feel the poster was trying to have a moan about how difficult her life is. I feel there is immense pressure for parents to enjoy parenthood and for non-parents to aspire to be parents. Parenthood (especially motherhood) is idealised to such an extent that whatever choice you make, you have a certain standard to achieve: you feel bad for not enjoying every moment of having children or for getting irritated or frustrated at them or you're made to feel bad or strange in some way if parenthood isn't something you desire. As someone who is CFBC it is easy to question why, if motherhood is all it's cracked up to be, I have no desire to have children. Posts like this are more realistic than the cr*p we normally get thrown our way. Thanks Cherry Bomb! x

SandC

Yes, Cherry Bomb, I too took your post in the way it was intended.

Half of the reason I can do what I want, when I want (pretty much, everyone has times in their lives where there are commitments outside of work with other family members, friends etc.) is because I am also SINGLE.

candyapple_2

I haven't read this thread all the way through so I'm not sure if anyone else is in my situation. I'm one of those people who always wanted children when I was in my 20s, and just assumed it would happen one day. I don't know what happened during the decade we have been together but both OH and I are now in our 30s and are adamant we now don't want children. He is an only child and I know for a fact that his parents are absolutely dying to become grandparents and that they think its a phase we are going through. I am worried that they are right and one day I will wake up and find my life unbearable.

The way I see it though I would much rather not have children and regret it than the other way round - having children and regretting it every day of my life would be awful.

I don't feel that my life is incomplete as I don't have children, we have pets (a dog and gerbils) so I have someone to 'mother' (and to be honest OH acts like a big kid most of the time so I don't feel like I am missing out) I love my lie-ins, I love my holidays and my lazy days and only having to think about myself.

I feel better now that's all written down. Its nice to see like-minded people on MSE I had no idea this thread existed.

*Beki*

Hi :wave: I'm new to the forum and haven't had a chance to read through the whole thread yet but just wanted to add my comments- apologies if I'm repeating anything already said!

I'm 25 and been with my BF for 3years- no kids I feel like I am still waaay too young, with both of us just big kids ourselves atm!! :rotfl: On a more serious note, I think that it's hugely important to consider the financial side of having children and I wouldn't feel comfortable even considering it until I was in a sustainable position to support them and myself in a good lifestyle. My parents had 4 kids, and I love having siblings don't get me wrong, but they weren't well off by any means. And while I don't feel like I really missed out on anything because of it, I would like to give my child the opportunities I perhaps didn't.

Anyway, all this may not even happen!! Atm I'm totally not sure if I want kids- would much rather get a puppy and focus on my career for at least 10 years!

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Yeah, this gets annoying.

I don't believe for a minute you actually hate having children, if you do please contact social services.

And the idea that people without children are all just leading carefree lives of shopping, nights out and lie-ins. Jeez.

Well, if you don't do it then (and why wouldn't you?) you won't do it when you have a child or children!!

Pete3278

euronorris wrote: »

I think some people see it as strange as, to them, having children is a wonderful, joyous experience and it's hard for them to understand why someone else wouldn't want that.

It doesn't always occur to them that other people might not view things in the same way as them, especially as it is widely thought of as 'the most natural thing in the world'. (And i'm not saying that anyone who chooses not to have children is unnatural).

Personally, I am currently child free by choice, but......I do want them in the near future.

Just as some people find it hard to imagine life with a child, I find it hard to imagine my life without one.

Oh and Venus (I hope I've picked out the right user) - it's not just kids that people are judged about. I had an old friend who married quite young and every time I saw her after that when I was still single, her and her OH would give me the 3rd degree for not being married yet! I was 22!!! It was like, in her eyes, my life was incomplete without a man on my arm and every accomplishment in other areas of my life were completely disregarded. Go figure! I hear they're actually heading for divorce right now due to disagreeing on the whole kids thing. He wants them, she doesn't.

OK, I've registered here just to clarify something for all of those on this thread who don't seem to understand what the term "Childfree By Choice" actually means.

It is VERY simple, any cursory search on Google will explain it to you but to save you the bother I shall outline the definition. Please pay attention.

Childfree By choice (CFBC) means that you don't have children now because you chose not to have them, you NEVER want them and you'll NEVER have them. To reiterate: NEVER WANT AND SHALL NEVER HAVE.

To say "I'm currently childfree by choice but planning on having children in the near future" is totally nonsensical. You are currently childLESS - You plan to have children therefore you are not childfree.

Similarly, "My children have left home so now I'm childfree" is also a misnomer. You are NOT childfree either - You are and shall forever be a parent, a person cannot be childfree and be a parent, they are mutually exclusive terms.

I am Childfree and vasectomised to ensure that I stay that way. Please, if you have kids or want kids in the future, stop describing yourselves as "Childfree" because you're not. To do so is insulting to truly CF people because you're effectively belittling their life choice by implying that their childfree status is like your temporarily childless status.

A person who wants but cannot have children due to infertility is childless although sometimes when people come to terms with and accept their childlessness, they adopt the term childfree as they can see positives in a life without children as opposed to the negative implication of 'loss' in the term "childless".

As for the poster who said "I cannot imagine anyone being childfree by choice" - You don't have to imagine us, we're here already in quite large numbers, hello. An inability to even imagine people who have different ideas from your own is rather scary.