Anyone Child Free By Choice?

belfastgirl23

ceridwen wrote: »

I've had that argument used on me:(. Its very easy to demolish that one:
- suppose any children I had:
- were very different to me - and hence didnt like/approve of me (it happens)
- lived miles away
- were too busy with their own lives to do so

and I wouldnt want to impose on anyone anyway...

Or indeed if your child was disabled or had mental health problems or had their own children with health problems or whatever. Don't get this argument at all actually, when people refer to children as 'little strangers' they're bang on the money, and it's something people don't think about enough - that their child might not be what they think they're going to get. And that they might be the carer for life.

SandC

I often wonder why I don't want them though, seeing as the majority do. I'm not great with babies, love em at about 5 months old when they are smiley and gurgly though. Don't mind well behaved children at all. Really like the ones who are a bit odd and you can have way out, weird conversations with them.

See if I had have wanted them and if I had had any, I know I would have been a very good mother. I personally don't know anyone who regrets having kids - aside from the ones who turn out downright nasty what parent would ever admit to that anyway? I know if I did 'fall' pregnant and have a child I probably would be up there with the best - I know I would put that child before anyone else, including me. But I just do not have the hankering to do so. I don't believe that this is missing in my life, but I can fully understand how it can complete the lives of others. I would never 'fall' pregnant anyway. If someone really does not want to get pregnant then they won't - I have never and will never be in the situation where i have to make that decision - to keep or not to keep.

BubblyMumbles

Wow! Brilliant to see so many CF peeps on here!

People have made lots of really interesting comments and I think it's sad that so many of us have had to endure the whole you'll regret it/what's wrong with you stuff fromk other people.

Almo - your point about friends with kids, most of my friends have kids and there has been a huge change in our friendship. I'm really not interested in their ramblings about their kids, because it seems once they have kids that's all they want to talk about, and then they're much more restricted in what they can do because they've got kids which clearly takes precedent over maintaining friendships. Some of them eventually pick up on this and eventually don't talk about them as much because they know you're losing your mind with boredom.

I wouldn't say I've lost friends since they had kids but the relationship's definitely changed.

mcctank

Me and my partner are both 23. We have decided to get married buy a house and have two nice holidays before having our first child we were actually called selfish by her side of the family. i was to say the least stunned.

sunshine_shell

This thread is really interesting and makes me thing about being CF in a whole new light!! I do want Children BUT my sister and best friend don't and to be honest i found it odd, but i would never say that to them. No i've read your replies and experiences they aren't odd they've made a choice and they are happy and i should be happy for them as i know they will be for me.

glossgal

sunshine_shell wrote: »

This thread is really interesting and makes me thing about being CF in a whole new light!! I do want Children BUT my sister and best friend don't and to be honest i found it odd, but i would never say that to them. No i've read your replies and experiences they aren't odd they've made a choice and they are happy and i should be happy for them as i know they will be for me.

I admire your honesty about us 'oddballs'! . Seriously, I would rather someone admitted they didn't really 'get' it than pretend to be really into the idea themslevs. That's probably what irritates me the most about being child free-people patronising you/pretending they agree with you when clearly they don't.

Must say I always enjoy a child-free thread, it puts a spring in my step and makes me think the world isn't such a mad place afterall!...

BubblyMumbles

glossgal wrote: »

I admire your honesty about us 'oddballs'! . Seriously, I would rather someone admitted they didn't really 'get' it than pretend to be really into the idea themslevs. That's probably what irritates me the most about being child free-people patronising you/pretending they agree with you when clearly they don't.

Must say I always enjoy a child-free thread, it puts a spring in my step and makes me think the world isn't such a mad place afterall!...

:T Yeah, I totally agree.

I'd much rather someone asked if they didn't understand why being CF is a choice and why that choice is right for me.

And I agree about thinking the world isn't totally mad - you do begin to wonder sometimes!

Zazen999

sunshine_shell wrote: »

This thread is really interesting and makes me thing about being CF in a whole new light!! I do want Children BUT my sister and best friend don't and to be honest i found it odd, but i would never say that to them. No i've read your replies and experiences they aren't odd they've made a choice and they are happy and i should be happy for them as i know they will be for me.

What's odd about it, if you don't mind me asking?

angelicmary85

I came back for another look at this thread and you guys all sound so happy.

I'm not sure which poster it was who said that their friend felt sorry for them for being CFBC...I wouldn't feel like that about anyone I know and that, to me, was a strange thing to say!

I realise now that having kids wasn't a mistake...but maybe I should have waited a few more years so I could do some of things people my age are doing because at 24, I feel old and tired...stuck in a job I dislike because it fits in better around OH's shifts at work so we didn't have to use childcare.

Someone mentioned about having kids with difficulties...well, that's me. I never thought for a second that it would happen and it turned our lives upside down for a while. Having children can be really difficult and it's so time consuming. There are times I don't want to get up at 7.30am on a Sunday and I miss the days that OH & I sat around in our jammies all day eating rubbish and watching The Soprano's on DVD...hopefully we can do that again one day though!

I wouldn't tell anyone there lives haven't moved on because they didn't have children...lives move on in different way and your life doesn't include children then I don't see why that should be a problem for those around you.

sunshine_shell

Well as someone who really wants children i did find that fact that they don't want children strange. I'm don't want to insult people and having read the comments on this thread i now have a better understanding, i always keep my opinions to myself but just wanted to let you know that by sharing your experiences 1 person who didn't understand now does