Anyone Child Free By Choice?

venus1978

Yes some of my friends that have children, say that I haven't moved my life on. I got married ten years ago and I'm still just the same, I even had one say they felt sorry for me.

Just cus I haven't had any children doesn't mean my life hasnt moved on !!! I have moved forward in my career as has DH, we travel a lot, we love each other, we are happy, we can do anything we like with out having to consider what to do with kids or if bring them with us.

alyth

I think sometimes people with children can feel imtimidated, if that's the right word, by those who don't have children, to the extent that they can use their children to prove that they've done something with their lives. It's a very brave person to stand up and admit that they wish they hadn't had children, but I have had a few people say that to me.

BitterAndTwisted

I'm child-free by choice as well. I'm used to being seen as a bit of a peculiarity by those around me but always suspected that I'd have been a terrible mother. I did manage to get kids out of my system, sort of, when I was a full-time nanny for a couple of years a long time ago. I'm rather fond of kids in general and adore the ones in my own family but have never felt a burning desire to have any of my own. One of the main reasons, I think, is that I've never been in a permanent relationship where having a child has ever been even a remote possibility and the idea of having a child or children as a single-parent is anathema to me. Perhaps if my life had been different I'd have seen parenthood differently, who knows? I'm happy with the choices I've made

BubblyMumbles

venus1978 wrote: »

Yes some of my friends that have children, say that I haven't moved my life on. I got married ten years ago and I'm still just the same, I even had one say they felt sorry for me.

Just cus I haven't had any children doesn't mean my life hasnt moved on !!! I have moved forward in my career as has DH, we travel a lot, we love each other, we are happy, we can do anything we like with out having to consider what to do with kids or if bring them with us.

OMG!!! They felt sorry for you?? Argghh! That's such an awful thing for people to say, I've exprienced it as well. I had my best friend's wife (my best friend is male) ask him what was wrong with me that I didn't have any kids?

When he told me she'd said that I asked him, "What wroing with her that all she wants to do is have babies?"

OH and I are like you guys, we've done lots of travelling, done loads of things that we wanted to do and now have lots of animals which is something else we'd always figured in to our lives, not kids.

There's such a ;llack of understaning about people who don't want to have children. We've all got accept the infite amount of money that's spent on helping people to have kids, look after them, bring them up, educate them etc. etc., but what us that don't have kids? There's very little awareness and understanding and tolerance IMO!

venus1978

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

OMG!!! They felt sorry for you?? Argghh! That's such an awful thing for people to say, I've exprienced it as well. I had my best friend's wife (my best friend is male) ask him what was wrong with me that I didn't have any kids?

When he told me she'd said that I asked him, "What wroing with her that all she wants to do is have babies?"

LOL, I call my SIL the baby factory she has three has another on the way and is planning to keep going till she finally has a girl. Believe me she should have stopped after two, their house is crazy.

I am by no means anti baby/kids (even if i don't like them lol) if you want them ok. But its just not for me, you wouldn't wish me on any kids I can just about look after me and OH lol

venus1978

Oh yes I forgot one of DH Aunts for the first few years we were married when sending us cards for various reasons (birthdays, Christmas) always asked if there would be the pitter patter of tiny feet soon.... uuhm no how many times do I have to say it We don't want kids.

I then heard through someone else in DH's family, she doesnt see me and DH as a family as we don't have kids, doesn't understand why we got married, and thinks DH should have married someone who wanted kids..

sorry got into a bit of a rant there

Treacly

Yes! Yes! a thousand times yes. Never wanted 'em, never had 'em - sterilised by choice at 30. Only sibling child-free too. Parents never even mentioned the possibility of grandchildren - respected our decision and saw that we could have happy, fulfilled lives in other ways. Never regretted my decision for a second (and neither has my fab OH).

auoq86

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

There's such a ;llack of understaning about people who don't want to have children. We've all got accept the infite amount of money that's spent on helping people to have kids, look after them, bring them up, educate them etc. etc., but what us that don't have kids? There's very little awareness and understanding and tolerance IMO!

Got to agree with you BubblyMumbles. I too am childfree and have no intention of having children in the future. This is my decision, just like it is the decision of others to have children and I find it quite sad that people cannot respect that decision.

There was a time when I did want children. I married young and, in hindsight, wanted children because that was what was expected of me to conform with today's society. As it turned out, my husband was sterile and it never happened. Oh yes, we looked at the IVF route and we thought and talked long and hard about it. Yes we cried and then one day we woke up and realised that we were only putting ourselves through the pain and hurt so that we would conform with expectations. So we embraced being childfree and it turned our lives around.

Some 12 years later we separated, and I briefly thought about having children, more to rebel than anything else, but that quickly passed and now I know that I definitely don't want children and am really comfortable with that decision. I'm not sad, I'm not bitter - I'm relieved I don't have children. In many ways, I feel that being in a position where I could not have children, made me seriously consider what parenting involved.

Don't get me wrong, I love children, I enjoy borrowing friends children, but I definitely do not want one (or more) of my own!

Joelleski

*Waves hello to the child-free-by-choice gang*
My sister has 2 little ones, I struggle with them to be honest - although they keep my parents happy and stops them from nagging me to have any! Hubby has a daughter, but I feel absolutely no desire whatsover to have any children, and honestly am very happy with the lifestyle choice

Zazen999

Yup; I didn't really want them and waited [on purpose possibly] until I found the 'right man' - and by then it was too late. Not that bothered though, it means I still do what I want.

I do like kids though and have a DSD....and 2 fab nieces. That's more than enough for me thank you very much.