Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Maxjessdru

Another one child-free by choicee - just turned 40 and have never, ever, regretted my decision not to have kids. I have a number of c-f friends (again by choice) and a few with kids who have said, if they had their time again, would not have them! I do think too many people fall into the trap of having kids because "its what's expected" of you. I have always been very up-front about my not wanting children and so have never had too many comments by either friends or family. Those I have had I think have been of the jealous variety "its OK for you, you can afford a nice house/car/holiday, etc" because you havent' got kids" - no-one forced them ... I do have a lot of time for my niece's children (who I have to say are very well behaved), but absolutely zero time for badly behaved screaming brats - especially in shops, pubs and supermarkets!

Norma_Desmond

I haven't got a maternal bone in my body, and DH hasn't a paternal bone in his
I've never wanted children; I just don't like them if truth be told, and I must admit that now (late 30s) I'm immune to all the 'well meaning' and downright rude people who tell me I'll regret it, be lonely, unfulfilled etc. etc.
I wouldn't dream of asking a parent why they decided to have children, so why are the 'childfree' considered fair game for silly and intrusive comments?
One good thing, there's a lot of 'us' out there (and on this board) :beer:

beverley1471

I've never wanted children or been maternal. My OH doesn't want children either, infact i wouldn't have even dated him if he had said he wanted them as it would never have worked. I find children quite annoying, especially when their noisy and badly behaved. I find them especially annoying when I go to the pub and I am inflicted with other peoples annoying noisy children!!!

I also like having the freedom to do whatever i want, go on lots of holidays, and be able to pay off my mortgage early. Although most of my friends now have children so don't see so much of them, as their to busy to do very much, and don't have much spare cash.

nice to know i'm not alone, as has been mentioned people can be very judge mental, assuming your missing out in some way.

Suzy_M

venus1978 wrote: »

always asked if there would be the pitter patter of tiny feet soon....

Another child free by choice - Don't want my own, have never wanted my own and never will want my own - and I sure as hell don't want anyone else's anywhere near me!

And my standard reply to the above is "Only if we've got mice!"

Mags_cat

I've been telling my mother since I was about twelve/thirteen that I just didn't want to have children of my own. Of course, no-one believes you at that age!

38 now, very happily not only child free but single too. I'm an only child and I think being brought up alone has influenced my ability to be happy alone (in a good way!). I'm very content with my life.

I do get the "when are you going to *settle down*" stuff from relatives but it's tailing off now - I think they're getting the message. Mum asked me a few months ago whether or not all these years I'd just been being stubborn (I'm renowned for it) and I told her it was honestly not that. I know it's been tough on her - she would have *loved* some grandchildren - but there was no way I was having them just for her. I can't get commited enough to have a pet, let alone a relationship or a child

One of my best friends (H) had a baby on Valentine's day - she, I and another best mate (N) all stated work for the civil service on the same date twelve years ago. Of the three of us, two will always agree on something, one won't - but it's never the same one who disagrees, IYSWIM. We're all very different, but mates for life.

Of the three of us, I'm the one who does NOT want kids - N has wanted kids for years and it just hasn't happened for them. When N and I went to see H's new baby (nine days old) N was obviously very happy to hold her, rock her and make cooing noises.

I felt nothing. No maternal feelings, no "awww, isn't she cute"...yes - she's small and helpless, she's nine days old. She's also totally impenetrable and scary - what the heck does she *want*? Do I want to hold her? No. Come back to me when she's four or five and can have a decent conversation about faries, LEGO and playdough and I'll be fine....

I'm glad that most of the world seem to want to have kids - I wouldn't want to see the human race die out *just* yet after all. I'm also beyond glad that it ain't compulsory.

Almo

I am (well, we are - OH doesn't want kids either) but would not be categorised as such by most people as apparently I'll change my mind when I'm older (I'm 26). It drives me absolutely insane. I too feel nothing particularly when I see friends' babies. I don't hate kids, I just don't want any and don't particularly want to spend much time around them.

The only thing that worries me is whether it will alter my relationships with my friends - whether they'll form some kind of mothers group and won't want to do so much stuff with me. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

One friend asked me fairly recently why I was choosing not to have kids. I lost it and told her that having kids should not be the default option, people should choose to have them, not to not have them!

ceridwen

:wave::hello: Thats me! Childfree by choice - and never regretted it for one second. In fact - I often think "Thank goodness I never wanted any:D".

ceridwen

alyth wrote: »

You always get the arguement "who is going to look after you when you are old" if you don't have children. I could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow, or I could live until I am 90. A parent could be shoved into a nursing home aged 60 by their children - as I keep threatening to do to mine :-)

I've had that argument used on me:(. Its very easy to demolish that one:
- suppose any children I had:
- were very different to me - and hence didnt like/approve of me (it happens)
- lived miles away
- were too busy with their own lives to do so

and I wouldnt want to impose on anyone anyway...

ceridwen

alyth wrote: »

I think sometimes people with children can feel imtimidated, if that's the right word, by those who don't have children, to the extent that they can use their children to prove that they've done something with their lives. It's a very brave person to stand up and admit that they wish they hadn't had children, but I have had a few people say that to me.

...and just what exactly do they feel they have "done with their lives" by having children? :confused smilie:

Anyone can have children (bar infertility problems of course) - it doesnt take a conscious decision to HAVE them. Someone could have 10 children - and I would still ask them "What have you DONE with your life?" and expect to hear something that they personally had done in response.

One thing I notice a lot is that it was the norm for people in my parents' generation to have two children (ie I'm in the Baby Boom generation). Nowadays - I see so many families with 3 or 4 children - even though the world/this country is a lot more overpopulated than it was even when I was born and I suspect that a lot of women are looking at the World of Work these days (and - no I dont mean just chavs!..) and deciding "That doesnt look very attractive to me - I'll have a career at Mummyhood and leave my husband and/or the State (ie the rest of us) to pay my 'wages' " ....:cool::think::silenced::silenced::silenced:

At least I'm not adding to the worlds overpopulation problem.

Zazen999

red_devil wrote: »

ive got a grown up son from a brief marriage when i was younger. I wouldnt change it for the world but with my current partner who i have been with for many years we dont have any children. We are very happy the way we are.

I do like babies and young children very much though!

So, you're not child free then? If you've had a child, that makes you a parent....not child-free.