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Great 'Best Cold Caller Rebukes' Hunt

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Comments

  • I find the best way to get rid of cold callers and to remain off their list re home improvements is to say that I am very interested in the offer and that I will get them the number of my landlord, they always put down the phone on me and I never hear from them again:T
  • TinaM
    TinaM Posts: 4 Newbie
    edited 10 March 2010 at 1:49PM
    If they ask for my fiance, I always say he's not in and if I can help, then they usually ask if they can speak to Mrs Smith, at which point I tell them no as she is dead.

    This isn't normally anything in their script to deal with this and they mumble some apology and disconnect. Now it's not a lie, my fiance mam is dead, and I'm sure she'll be having a good laugh along with me.

    I'm getting married later this year so will have to come up with something else from then on.
  • gezzs
    gezzs Posts: 35 Forumite
    Orlaith85 wrote: »
    Why does everyone get so annoyed at getting calls?

    They drive me mad because if I wanted windows/change of gas/electricity, etc I WOULD ASK. I don't like pushy, usually badly spoken english sales people trying to force their product.

    I've now registered with TPS which has stopped 99% of the calls. Only ones I've had since are the "Contratulations, you've wona holiday...." recording that I just hang up on (and sadly are not covered by TPS as they are international calls), and the completely stupid companies that dial phone numbers in increments until someone answers. They are usually told to 'go forth and urinate' quite bluntly.
  • Tittch
    Tittch Posts: 53 Forumite
    mrsfrench wrote: »
    I have a few tactics:

    Home Improvement calls usually elicit the response 'Oh, I work for Rival Company - can you give me a quick run down of your prices?'

    Foreign call centres are usually 'No, you can't speak to mrsfrench, she's not here and I'm just burgling the place'

    Occasionally a nice Indian chap tries to get me to take out a new mobile phone. I just explain to him that I have no friends to call, I have no family left, I don't go out, I don't speak to anyone - in fact he's the first person I've spoken to in MONTHS, would he be my friend........

    Classic! My father tells double glazing salesmen he loves the smell of rotting wood, whereas I try to sell them a menstrual cup. Sometimes it works...
    I'm free from tampons - another Mooncup Convert!

    I :heartsmilFreecycle

    I'm not going to have internet access from 24th July until 16th August.
    Have a lovely summer!
  • After TPS we rarely get cold calls from the UK, but still get them from call centres abroad.

    My favourite rebuke was one used on Seinfeld, I've used it a few times and it does work.

    When they call and ask what ever first question they ask, reply with

    "I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of something right now, please give me your home number and I'll call you back later when I have the time"

    They invariably say they can't do that. I've asked "why, you've just called me at home"

    Mostly they hang up on you, because they don't know what to say.

    Try it, but be polite, it's much more fun than shouting, and it may give them a laugh. They never call back.
  • leeroyh
    leeroyh Posts: 7 Forumite
    For the best ever recording of how to deal with telesales listen to
    The Murder Scene Call on the Bob and Tom Show, Tom Mabe

    On youtube.

    Absolutely brilliant and very funny.

    Sorry if this appears twice, the pc gremlins are at work.
  • I'm always a little perplexed why people go to such extremes when dealing with telephone (and door-to-door) cold callers. I don't like the intrusions but I know it's just a person trying to do a (miserable) job. So why be nasty to them?

    I always simply say "Thank you for calling, but I'm really not interested." That's normally enough. If they try again, I just politely repeat the line. I doubt if I've ever had to say it more than twice. They get the message, they get on with their job and I get off the phone quickly. No aggro, no lost tempers and the poor person trying to earn a living doesn't feel their life is completely c**p.
  • Sutclifs
    Sutclifs Posts: 5 Forumite
    My Dad and my Uncle run their own shop and get quite a few cold callers on the business line. My Uncle has real fun with it!

    One call went like this:

    Caller: Good Afternoon, I am calling on behalf of Zurich
    Uncle: What all of it?
    Caller: *pause and shuffle of papers* Good Afternoon, I am calling on behalf of Zurich

    At which point my Uncle then hung up... hilarious!

    Another time someone called from Carphone Warehouse and the conversation went as follows:

    Caller: Good Afternoon, I am calling on behalf of Carphone Warehouse...
    Uncle: *excitedly* oooh are you the ones that sponsor Big Brother
    Caller: Yes we are
    Uncle: HANGS UP

    LOL!

    Just wanted to add my two pence worth :)
    Want to be debt free by Christmas 2009! :D
  • scubatony
    scubatony Posts: 12 Forumite
    I have a plain and simple solution to these callers when I get them.

    Caller . . . . . . .Hello there I am calling from .......

    Me ...................YES
    Caller ........................do you have a few minutes
    Me..................... YES
    Caller................... They then go on with their chat ending in a question
    Me.............. YES
    Caller..................... You would like a new mobile phone
    Me.................... YES
    Caller ....................How would you like to pay for that
    Me ..................YES
    Caller ...................Sorry sir I did not hear your answer
    Me ..................YES
    Caller......................another question
    Me ................YES

    and so on and so on

    They get fed up and put the phone down
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    If I do not have any time and I want to have some fun,it goes like this

    Caller................... Good evening sir
    Me ................Hello
    Caller.............. Can I interest you in ...........
    Me ..............Well can I stop you there
    Caller ...............Why is that sir
    Me ..............Well tomorrow I will be in the Magistrates Court, I have been charged with aggravated assault on a double glazing salesman that came to the door, I have been warned by my solicitor to expect a jail term, because of his fees I will become bankrupt and because of this I have sold all my possessions so all i have now is a mattress on the floor,oh I forgot to add the bailiff came yesterday for the £987 Council Tax that I owe, which I couldn't pay,but if you want to ...............
    Caller. . . . . . . .click
  • Last October my boyfriend got a call from a debt management company claiming to be able to offer him an IVA at a price. As he lives in Scotland this is of no use to him at all. I pointed this out to the sales person who lied and said he could get an IVA in Scotland. That's when I stopped playing nice.

    I said I needed to put him on hold, went away and chatted to my boyfriend's flatmate for a bit. I came back a few minutes later and he was still there! Then I asked him if he wanted to speak to the hamster. He said yes so I put the phone by the sleeping hamster's cage and wandered off to talk to my boyfriend's flatmate again. I went back a few minutes later to discover he was still on the line. I told him the hamster didn't want to speak to him and hung up.
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