Great 'Best Cold Caller Rebukes' Hunt

analyst_2

This resurrected thread seems to have largely exhausted telephone cold caller rebukes but, in a somewhat related manner, what about Jehovah's Witnesses?

Since the missus has banned me from arguing politics and religion with friends (Ok, ex-friends now, but what the heck) I do find that welcoming smile of the Jehovah's Witnesses on the doorstep a veritable godsend (did you see what I did there?)

Surely they are fair game for a bit of engagement?
There is something particularly gratifying about every time they make that awkward shuffle and conversation closer and you re-engage them yet again with a new angle just when they thought a safe exit was on the horizon.

It seems to become more desperate as they realise all their colleagues have moved on and disappeared right off the street leaving them stranded . . . but surely god will save them if he is half as good as they claim him to be?

OK so maybe I've got time to waste, but other people play golf.

worried_jim

A bit off topic but...

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER:

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really !!!!ed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this !!!!!!!!!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal !!!!!! workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for !!!! sakes. I just want to go and park my !!!! on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a !!!! whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last !!!!ing people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another !!!!ing copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the !!!!in' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some !!!!!! to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic !!!!in' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally !!!!ed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN !!!!!!!` PAKISTAN!