Breaking up!

Mark_the_owl

rachel6188 wrote: »

Mark, I have got no advice just respect for you. You are aware of the mistakes you have made and are genuinely trying to sort it out. It honestly shocks me at how nasty people can be. I really hope your marriage can be saved but if not i wish you the best of luck in the future. take care rach x

The last thing I deserve is respect. I understand where you're coming from, but I'm trying to unravel an unholy mess that I made.

It's probably going to be a futile exercise and some people will be pleased, but I'd give my right arm to be with the woman and child I love in a happy environment.

She's worth a million of me & probably realises she has the chance to do better, but while I've ever got breath in my body I'll fight to keep her.

mackemdave

Mark....Dont give up trying....I went through a split a few years ago...even though it was my decision to split and no one else was involved(no kids involved either) it was still very distressing....Your wife needs to know what lies ahead and that wont be an easy time for her aswell as you and your child...GOOD LUCK.

Gemsgalore

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

The last thing I deserve is respect. I understand where you're coming from, but I'm trying to unravel an unholy mess that I made.

It's probably going to be a futile exercise and some people will be pleased, but I'd give my right arm to be with the woman and child I love in a happy environment.

She's worth a million of me & probably realises she has the chance to do better, but while I've ever got breath in my body I'll fight to keep her.

Mark, you seem to love your wife very much so I'm curious to know why you cheated? I know you said there was no sex involved, (to women an emotional connection is sometimes more of a betrayal) but what on earth made you do it?

Not criticizing you here, just wondering what tempted you away from someone you care for so much?

Mark_the_owl

Gemsgalore wrote: »

Mark, you seem to love your wife very much so I'm curious to know why you cheated? I know you said there was no sex involved, (to women an emotional connection is sometimes more of a betrayal) but what on earth made you do it?

Not criticizing you here, just wondering what tempted you away from someone you care for so much?

I've thought about this a lot and I think it's something to do with a lack of respect of what the boundaries are, and wanting to push things. To put it into it's most basic context, I was probably being naughty and seeing how much I could get away with.

I would get it into my head that my wife didn't care for me and would seek affection elsewhere, but I could never have taken the ultimate step. I realise I've betrayed her and the hurt in her eyes is soul destroying.

daska

Have you seen your GP? It sounds as if being referred for some counselling might be a good idea, if only so you don't repeat the pattern if you get another opportunity.

Mark_the_owl

daska wrote: »

Have you seen your GP? It sounds as if being referred for some counselling might be a good idea, if only so you don't repeat the pattern if you get another opportunity.

It's on my list of things to do. I know I have "issues" but the most important one right now is trying to get our lives on some sort of even keel.

Maybe I haven't got much longer to try, but until it's cast in stone I'm concentrating 100% on this.

Thanks for your constructive criticism though.

daska

I think you should consider putting it higher up on your list.

As a wife who's husband has consistently underestimated how much I care for him to the point that I can't cope with his jealousy of my EX partners/boyfriends any more, I find it very frustrating that he 'wants to make it work' but won't change the pattern of his behaviour.

BitterAndTwisted

My thoughts exactly Suze, which was why it has been suggested on this thread more than once.

Mark, you are not down there at the bottom of an abyss but you may be standing on the lip of it. There may be a way of crossing it rather than falling down into the depths.

In your shoes I would make an appointment with Relate very urgently and make no secret of where I was going and why. There still might be the remotest chance of saving this heartbreaking situation and if it does not you will know that you've done everything in your power to save yourself and your marriage. Seeing someone else walking through fire just for the sake of your heart is a very, very powerful message indeed. But you do need to really mean it.

RAS

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Mark, you are not down there at the bottom of an abyss but you may be standing on the lip of it. There may be a way of crossing it rather than falling down into the depths.

On the other hand if you walk backwards far enough, you might just find yourself on the other side of the abyss.

If that sounds strange, check out the work of David Groves. He saved at least one marriage doing just that.

Michelin

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

How on earth am i bitter and twisted? My only concern is for the wife and daughter he has recklessley abandoned.

Perhaps you can all pop round to Mark's house and tell his family that you all are supporting him because he is such a wonderful guy??

If the wife or daughter was on here telling you THEIR version of the story i'm not sure you would be happy with the pedestal you appear to have placed Saint Mark on.

For goodness sake!! He hasn't 'abandoned' them!! He doesn't want to leave them; he wants to make it work with his wife. Yes he did something awful (and let's hope you are whiter than white) for which he is very sorry and if there is any chance that he can make this work with his wife, he will take it. I find him pretty honest - which doesn't always happen in these cases where the one who has 'done the dirty' always seems to have a million excuses as to why they did what they did.

Give him a break and as I said before, do you actually have any financial advice to give him as he asked at the very beginning?