Breaking up!

Mark_the_owl

Hi there, I'm looking for some advice please. My wife has told me that our marriage is over. I have to admit I'm the one at fault and want to do the right thing by her and our 14 year old daughter.

What are my legal obligations to them? I'm going to try to see Citizens Asdvice Bureau and I'm getting all sorts of un-needed advice from my family.

I really don't know where to turn, we have less than £2,000 in our savings account but our overdraft is almost £5,000. All I can see ahead is a life of struggle for all of us & I've tried to tell her this, but she's adamant I'm not going to be a part of her life!

Help please!!

neneromanova

You will need to pay the mother 15% of your wages for Child Maintenance until the child leaves education. I would use the £2k savings to pay some of the £5k overdraft off then that will be split 50/50. Do you own the house or rent?

Mark_the_owl

We own the house. Whoever moves out will need some money upfront towards renting. The whole thing is such a mess!

Mad_girl

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

We own the house. Whoever moves out will need some money upfront towards renting. The whole thing is such a mess!

Have you tried to work things out? Perhaps suggest to her that you go to Relate?

Mark_the_owl

Mad_girl wrote: »

Have you tried to work things out? Perhaps suggest to her that you go to Relate?

I'd love to work things out, but she's adamant I've killed all the love she had for me. I can understand that, we parted just before xmas and she took me back but she's realised she made a mistake.

I spent a lot of money at xmas (not that it matters now) and we have just had a trip to London, my family say she's taking me for a ride but I love her and I know she loves/loved me as I can see the hurt in her eyes.

I told her I wanted us to put the past behind us and really have a lovely future together, we'd got holidays booked and for the first time ever we were looking like we were going to save some money.

All I see now is both of us struggling to make ends meet, she's right when she says money's not everything but I've been in debt & don't want it again.

I'm so low I feel there's just no future.

Mad_girl

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

I'd love to work things out, but she's adamant I've killed all the love she had for me. I can understand that, we parted just before xmas and she took me back but she's realised she made a mistake.

I spent a lot of money at xmas (not that it matters now) and we have just had a trip to London, my family say she's taking me for a ride but I love her and I know she loves/loved me as I can see the hurt in her eyes.

I told her I wanted us to put the past behind us and really have a lovely future together, we'd got holidays booked and for the first time ever we were looking like we were going to save some money.

All I see now is both of us struggling to make ends meet, she's right when she says money's not everything but I've been in debt & don't want it again.

I'm so low I feel there's just no future.

Sorry to hear that Mark, perhaps she just needs a bit of time - I wish you the best of luck, throwing all those years away seems like a shame but sometimes when we get hurt we just cannot get over it.

I hope you manage to sort things out ((hugs))

Mark_the_owl

Mad_girl wrote: »

Sorry to hear that Mark, perhaps she just needs a bit of time - I wish you the best of luck, throwing all those years away seems like a shame but sometimes when we get hurt we just cannot get over it.

I hope you manage to sort things out ((hugs))

It's not me that needs the hugs it's her. I hate myself for what I've done.

moggylover

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

I'd love to work things out, but she's adamant I've killed all the love she had for me. I can understand that, we parted just before xmas and she took me back but she's realised she made a mistake.

I spent a lot of money at xmas (not that it matters now) and we have just had a trip to London, my family say she's taking me for a ride but I love her and I know she loves/loved me as I can see the hurt in her eyes.

I told her I wanted us to put the past behind us and really have a lovely future together, we'd got holidays booked and for the first time ever we were looking like we were going to save some money.

All I see now is both of us struggling to make ends meet, she's right when she says money's not everything but I've been in debt & don't want it again.

I'm so low I feel there's just no future.

Sometimes the pain is just so much that you have no choice but to call it a day! The debts will not cause the same kind of pain as staying does in that situation.

It may be that you can discuss ways of clearing the debt and saving to leave, but that depends upon what you have done to hurt her so much. I'm certain that it is not totally one-sided, because relationships never are, but only you will know exactly what you have done and really whether YOU could forgive and forget had you been on the receiving end.

Possibly this is not the right time to be asking her to consider Relate and trying: perhaps some real breathing space might help her to see another way, but sometimes when we love people and know we are not good for them we have to have the strength of character to walk away and try to dissipate the damage from that as much as possible.

Good luck.

neneromanova

From the way you say "what you've done" I'm guessing you did the dirty on her?

angelicmary85

neneromanova wrote: »

From the way you say "what you've done" I'm guessing you did the dirty on her?

I was thinking the same....

Mark_the_owl

neneromanova wrote: »

From the way you say "what you've done" I'm guessing you did the dirty on her?

I'm not sure what that adds to the debate, but yes. Hence the reason I want the opportunity to put things right.

Edit.

Can I just, for the record, state that "the dirty" did not constitute sex. I'm not sure why I'm defending myself here, I'm just looking for some advice.