Breaking up!

angelicmary85

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

I'm not sure what that adds to the debate, but yes. Hence the reason I want the opportunity to put things right.

Edit.

Can I just, for the record, state that "the dirty" did not constitute sex. I'm not sure why I'm defending myself here, I'm just looking for some advice.

I think it just needed clarifying as you'd mentioned 'what you'd done' a couple of times and it seemed like you were hinting at someone asking what had happened!

Mark_the_owl

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I think it just needed clarifying as you'd mentioned 'what you'd done' a couple of times and it seemed like you were hinting at someone asking what had happened!

Not at all. I guess it's my way of trying to take some responsibility and not be in denial.

piratefairy

I've been learning the hard way that sometimes there is no way to "sort a relationship out". If one half feels it's time to move on, you just have to deal with that the best you can.
Joint debts / making financial sense, is not a basis for a relationship, so there is no point trying to persuade her to stay together because it will be easier financially for the pair of you. Sorry if this comes across as harsh, it's not supposed to be.

neneromanova

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

I'm not sure what that adds to the debate, but yes. Hence the reason I want the opportunity to put things right.

Edit.

Can I just, for the record, state that "the dirty" did not constitute sex. I'm not sure why I'm defending myself here, I'm just looking for some advice.

It has everything to do with the debate as to whether it's worth trying to change her mind or just letting her go. Even if the dirty didn't include sex it just wouldn't matter, not to me anyway. The fact something did happen she probably feels like she could never trust you again. I think it's time to move out and give her some space. She might come round, but don't hold onto that hope. Start out like you will never get her back. If you don't get her back then you won't be any more hurt than you are now, but if you get her back, just think how much happier you will be.

Do you both work?

Mark_the_owl

neneromanova wrote: »

It has everything to do with the debate as to whether it's worth trying to change her mind or just letting her go. Even if the dirty didn't include sex it just wouldn't matter, not to me anyway. The fact something did happen she probably feels like she could never trust you again. I think it's time to move out and give her some space. She might come round, but don't hold onto that hope. Start out like you will never get her back. If you don't get her back then you won't be any more hurt than you are now, but if you get her back, just think how much happier you will be.

Do you both work?

Yes.

I work full time and she works part time. If I move out what happens to the household bills and the mortgage? I don't want her to be in a situation where she can't make ends meet, but by the same token if I move out I'll need money for rent & utilities etc.

God it's such a mess!!

neneromanova

She will more than likely claim benefits for bills and things. You can both pay the mortgage or sell the house, although if you go for a divorce she might be awarded to stay in the house until the daughter is either 17 or leaves school (can't remember which) and then the house will be sold. It probably better to talk to her and see how much the house is worth, sell up and both go your separate ways and only see your daughter.

angelicmary85

It's it a joint mortgage then I believe you'll still have to pay half but she should get a slight discount on the council tax as there will only be one adult in the house (single person's rebate?)

Ivrytwr3

should have kept your pants on.

I hope your soon to be ex and daughter find someone worthy of their love.

Mark_the_owl

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

should have kept your pants on.

I hope your soon to be ex and daughter find someone worthy of their love.

Thanks.

I suggest you learn to read before contributing further.

This thread was supposed to be about sorting out our finances, but it seems that it's degenerated into a free for all to have a go at me. That's fine if it makes people feel better, believe me you can't make me feel worse about our situation.

I just hope you're never in a similar situation looking for guidance. You may find some holier than thou people completely judging you without knowing the situation.

Have a good day.

Ivrytwr3

you posted your query on an internet forum. My apologies if my comments aren't happy reading for you. But perhaps, if you had kept your pants on, then you wouldn't find yourself in this situation.

It's no good trying to do well by everyone once the horse has bolted so to speak.