Breaking up!

youluckypanda

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

should have kept your pants on.

I hope your soon to be ex and daughter find someone worthy of their love.

[FONT=&quot]This isn't helpful and adds little to the discussion. Mark, all I can say is get yourselves to a relationship councillor. Even if you're wife would still like to divorce, it’s better for all parties that you are able to work things out in a more amicable way. Lawyers’ letters are costly and surely it is better for your daughter that you are able to talk to each other. Communication is key, regardless of the outcome.[/FONT]

Mark_the_owl

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

you posted your query on an internet forum. My apologies if my comments aren't happy reading for you. But perhaps, if you had kept your pants on, then you wouldn't find yourself in this situation.

It's no good trying to do well by everyone once the horse has bolted so to speak.

Read the thread properly then.

Thanks

RAS

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

Yes.

I work full time and she works part time. If I move out what happens to the household bills and the mortgage? I don't want her to be in a situation where she can't make ends meet, but by the same token if I move out I'll need money for rent & utilities etc.

God it's such a mess!!

The stark reality is that generally the men in a break-up end up in a better financial position a couple of years down the line and the women worse off, given the standard pay-outs.

You need to pay 15% of your take home pay for your daughter. Your wife will get benefits to support her see www.entitledto.com to cover the bills, but she will find it a struggle.

Given the age of your daughter she probably need to look at working full-time.

The usual rule is that the hosue is sold when the youngest child leaves secondary education. Alternatively your wife would take ove the mortgage at that time.

If I was counselling your wife, i would suggest that she looks very hard a the situation when your daughter leaves secondary education/reaches 18, as she will lose her singel person's allowance, lose Child Benefit and possible WTC and maintainence as well. We get a lot of "single" mothers on here who come very unstuck when their youngest child reaches 18. She needs to prepare for it in advance.

Mark_the_owl

RAS wrote: »

The stark reality is that generally the men in a break-up end up in a better financial position a couple of years down the line and the women worse off, given the standard pay-outs.

You need to pay 15% of your take home pay for your daughter. Your wife will get benefits to support her see to cover the bills, but she will find it a struggle.

Given the age of your daughter she probably need to look at working full-time.

The usual rule is that the hosue is sold when the youngest child leaves secondary education. Alternatively your wife would take ove the mortgage at that time.

If I was counselling your wife, i would suggest that she looks very hard a the situation when your daughter leaves secondary education/reaches 18, as she will lose her singel person's allowance, lose Child Benefit and possible WTC and maintainence as well. We get a lot of "single" mothers on here who come very unstuck when their youngest child reaches 18. She needs to prepare for it in advance.

Thanks.

That's exactly the type of advice I was looking for. I don't want her to think I've misled her or anything like that, if in a few years time, everything blows up in her face.

She doesn't deserve that and that's why I want to make things as bearable as possible.

Michelin

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

should have kept your pants on.

I hope your soon to be ex and daughter find someone worthy of their love.

How very unhelpful and judgemental. Sometimes people on here amaze me.

Debt_Free_Chick

angelicmary85 wrote: »

It's it a joint mortgage then I believe you'll still have to pay half

Surprisingly, this is not the case ....

Both parties are still responsible for the whole repayment - the lender doesn't care how it's split.

When a party owns part of a property, but doesn't occupy it, then they can charge the other party rent. So Mark could charge his wife rent if she is occupying the whole of the property. In practice, her rent will cancel out his share of the mortgage repayment. See Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996.

On the other hand, Mark will still have an obligation to ensure that his child is housed, clothed & fed. Will post a reply to him separately

Debt_Free_Chick

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

Hi there, I'm looking for some advice please. My wife has told me that our marriage is over. I have to admit I'm the one at fault and want to do the right thing by her and our 14 year old daughter.

What are my legal obligations to them? I'm going to try to see Citizens Asdvice Bureau and I'm getting all sorts of un-needed advice from my family, as is she from her family and friends.

I really don't know where to turn, we have less than £2,000 in our savings account but our overdraft is almost £5,000. All I can see ahead is a life of struggle for all of us & I've tried to tell her this, but she's adamant I'm not going to be a part of her life!

Help please!!

Mark, I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been through my own breakup in the past few years and it's really not easy.

Try to remember that whilst you both try to sort out the practicalities, that your behaviour (both of you) is likely to reflect the hurt and anguish you feel. Expect a bumpy ride!

First off, you need a budget for running the household as things currently stand. You both need to trim that budget wherever possible.

Once you have that budget you could post it on the debt-free wannabe board for advice on where you can make savings.

Once you have that budget, you then need another one for you to rent a place of your own. Be realistic about what you can afford - you may need to "rent-a-room" as a lodger, rather than have your own place.

It's only when you have both budgets that you can see what is actually affordable/feasible.

Post back for further suggestions but get to work on those budgets!

Ivrytwr3

Michelin wrote: »

How very unhelpful and judgemental. Sometimes people on here amaze me.

The truth hurts and people have to live with the consequences of their actions.

Mark_the_owl

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

The truth hurts and people have to live with the consequences of their actions.

And yet you've still not read the thread, just responding to what you believe is true.

I take it someone "didn't keep their pants on" in your relationship?

eklynne

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

The truth hurts and people have to live with the consequences of their actions.

I think the OP is living with the consequences, and unlike some people is willing to step up to the mark by making sure his wife and kid are not left unstuck. Many many men don't. They just up and leave. OH blames himself already and is seeking solid advice from people, I doubt he cares what you think. Jog on.