Breaking up!

Mark_the_owl

Just to update this thread.

We are still living in the same house but "separated". I have written lots of poems and had a counselling session. My wife has seen how much I've changed in the 4 weeks since she told me but as things stand she's still not in love with me.

However we had a nice night out on Saturday when she told me there was a "glimmer" of hope, but unfortunately last night didn't go so well. We went into our local and she thought I came across as being a bit mouthy.

I think it was more nerves and stress of seeing our group of friends again, but have taken on board what she said. I've told her I'll wait as long as it takes for her and she's told me she's neither got nor is looking for someone else, so that's a positive sign.

We sit together on the sofa & hug and hold hands, something I didn't really do enough of when I had the chance!!

Anyway, I'm still praying for that miracle, thanks to everyone for their support so far.

Mark

Bufger

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

Just to update this thread.

We are still living in the same house but "separated". I have written lots of poems and had a counselling session. My wife has seen how much I've changed in the 4 weeks since she told me but as things stand she's still not in love with me.

However we had a nice night out on Saturday when she told me there was a "glimmer" of hope, but unfortunately last night didn't go so well. We went into our local and she thought I came across as being a bit mouthy.

I think it was more nerves and stress of seeing our group of friends again, but have taken on board what she said. I've told her I'll wait as long as it takes for her and she's told me she's neither got nor is looking for someone else, so that's a positive sign.

We sit together on the sofa & hug and hold hands, something I didn't really do enough of when I had the chance!!

Anyway, I'm still praying for that miracle, thanks to everyone for their support so far.

Mark

Good luck buddy. Can i just give some basic non financial advice on the basic organisms that are the male and female human beings:

• Keep your tail between your legs, even when you think you're out of the woods.
• Work out and get buff. Start dressing well, smelling nice and looking fitter and she'll start to notice you're making an effort. DONT do all of this and then go out with your mates etc, she'll start to get jealous about who you're seeing and where you're going and she may attempt to outdo you.

Look good and keep doing everything else you're already doing. Hopefully it will work out for you

And the other geezer/lass that started dissing him from page 1 - i think you should seriously consider what you're posting here. As you've been a member for a long time and will continue to post in the future you wouldnt want to walk around with a huge Troll label on your back.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

And bear in mind that sometimes refusing to leave, 'but I LOVE you', I'm so bad, I'm gonna end it, here's a poem, here's another poem, here's a bonecrushing grab that's a hug, I'm never going to give up on us, after all these years, etc -

is just smothering. And an unasked for hotel booking would just be another case of putting a person feeling smothered on the spot. It can become dangerously near passive-aggressive control.

Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valour.

NOVASTAR

Hey Mark

I know of a couple going through a similar scenario to you - they are having councelling and were recommended this book - " I love you - but i'm not in love with you" by Andrew Marshall.

It may be worth a shot as they think its good and certainly helping them deal with their feelings.

Good luck anyway - hope things work out for you

skintdragon

Hey Mark,

Just caught your thread and wanted to wish you and your family well. Keep at it; your efforts will hopefully pay off. You seem very determined to have everything back on track, and not many people would have the strength or energy to do this.

Keep us posted. take care. :A

Mark_the_owl

Thanks to both of the above posters, I'll definitely check out that book. She's staying at a friend's tonight for a bit of breathing space but we're gonna have lunch together tomorrow. Trying my hardest to let her have some space from me but it's rather difficult lol.

Thanks again

Tulip

:hello: Mark,

Good Luck to you,Hope you and your wife can work through everything together and be a lovely happy family again.


Katie

Michelin

Please try and let her have some space. Don't smother her or keep on telling her how much you love, what life could be like if you were together etc, etc; it will just put too much pressure her and she may just find it all too much and walk away. Meet as you are doing and just try and enjoy her company and get back what you used to have. It may still not work but being desperate will just turn her away.

She will know if you are the person she wants to be with without you declaring undying love every five minutes! I know it's hard because you think that you need to show her that you love her - smothering her won't do this.

Take it slowly - you have a glimmer of hope so just take it easy and see where things go.

I really do wish you all the best and hope that it work out for you both. You really are trying to make amends but it can so easily go wrong if you are not careful. Good luck - and just enjoy a nice lunch today!

Mark_the_owl

Right,

So here we are 8 weeks on. Still with that glimmer of hope, still going out at weekends as a couple and a family, but no nearer her moving out (which is what she said she wanted). I'm still sleeping on the sofa but she tells me she "can't" make a decision. One day she feels good, the next she feels bad.

I'm starting to think she's waiting for me to kick off so I'll give her the excuse she needs - which I categorically won't do. Her car insurance is due at the beginning of next month, I usually pay for it, but if she leaves she'll be responsible. Part of me wants to say it's your responsibility, but I care too much about her. My mum has told me her cancer has started to spread & my wife said as my wife she wanted to support me through this. That was on Wednesday, yesterday she told me she might be going out with her friends tonight (that will be 8 Friday's out of 9 when she's supposed to be saving up to leave me!).

Her mum has tried to reason with her, but unfortunately she clams up, she won't consider counselling either. She keeps saying she wants someone to tell her what her life will be like in 6 months, but no one can!

Sorry for the rant, I'll probably be ok in an hour, but I feel there's only me putting any effort into this.

Mark (a very depressed man)

:-(

jackieglasgow

Mark, I have a very close friend who is going through something similar, but they are living apart.They have been for almost a year now, he comes everyday for dinner, they do a couple date every week, and a family time at the weekend, and counselling, and while my friend is beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel, she still feels there is a long way to go. At first when she said she was chucking him out I thought it was a bad move, if she wanted to discuss repairing the relationship, but actually it seems to be just the right thing, and as time is going on, I can see that she is becoming stronger, and if they do decide to make it permanent, they can both say they tried their best to sort things out, and through the counselling etc., they should have a better relationship as parents. What surprises me most is that he is trying so hard, as he was the one to cheat. He has obviously realised what he wants, and is showing her through his words and actions that he is trying to repair things.

What I am trying to say is that maybe one of you should move out, but with clear rules. You never know, with some distance between you, you might be able to figure out if this relationship is ever going to be the right one for either of you.

Good luck, I hope whatever happens you find happiness.