Help for my mum please!!!!!

smartpicture

gingin wrote: »

Your mum should surely be entitled to a good settlement. They are married, your Dad earns 100k plus and there is a child in full time education, so maintenance will be paid. They must have some decent savings and a pension if he was earning that much? Your Mum will be entitled to her share of that too?.So part time job (£500?), plus money from sister (£225), plus maintenance (I dunno,£800 - £1,000 a month?), plus child benefit (£80) means your Mum will have, at a guess £1800 a month without increasing her hours at work. Is that do-able to live on?

This could be a short-term solution, but the problem is that the youngest child is what, 15? And most of the payments listed will stop when she leaves full-time education (not including Uni), so it may not last very long. Your mum is certainly going to have to look at going back to full-time work before long, so you could start encouraging her in this direction.

gingin_2

smartpicture wrote: »

This could be a short-term solution, but the problem is that the youngest child is what, 15? And most of the payments listed will stop when she leaves full-time education (not including Uni), so it may not last very long. Your mum is certainly going to have to look at going back to full-time work before long, so you could start encouraging her in this direction.

You're right but this only came out in the wash yesterday, so at least on that money Mum doesn't have to immediately worry about what to do with the house. She will need a good amount of time just to get over the shock of what has happened and adapt to a new life. 2-3 years of solid payments from the father will give her that time without the financial pressure and when youngest moves on she might not need or want a large house to herself.

floss2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

...and who are you to think that you could get through life without pain, regret or shame. In the end, perhaps it is those things that are the most use to you.

From South Riding by Winifred Holtby.

Ooh, I haven't read that book for years!!

RAS wrote: »

I knew someone who used to get very upset when his biscuit broke, even though he was about to eat it. We could not put his biscuit back together again however much we wanted to.

You biscuit is broken, neither we, you or your parents can put it together again but it will still taste OK, if you try it.

This is so very very true (and it made me cry )

gingin wrote: »

.... 2-3 years of solid payments from the father will give her that time without the financial pressure and when youngest moves on she might not need or want a large house to herself.

Also, it gives a time scale for the daughter & grandaughter to make their plans for a home of their own too.

OP, have you thought about counselling for yourself, to help you come to terms with this situation? You seem to have quite a bit of anger & some bitterness about the whole sequence of events?

tandraig

jeez gemblue - I posted then only now have i come back and read right through.
oh dear - posters have been harsh havent they? I didnt comment on the bitterness in your original post as I thought you were just venting your anger and frustration. and i still think so.
gem, your dad says he loves your mother but isnt in love with her? hmmmm, maybe when the newness wears off this other relationship he will realise something - that being 'in love' can be confused with many other things. and that the just love is the truer one.
hun, I realise you are angry, frustrated, feel betrayed let down etc. but if there is to be a reconciliation for your parents - I dont see it happening unless you kids step back and let your parents deal with it. it may not happen, but unless you let go of these feelings you will have lost your dad and your mum may not like you badmouthing him either, she may have a better idea of whats going on in his head than you do!
in the meantime can I suggest you find her a good family law solicitor then take a back seat, and please hun, can you find it in yourself to contact your dad and meet him and TALK to him......then LISTEN..........to what he is saying! you may find he is more in pain than your mum is - hard though it may be for you to believe.

sazzybum

Hope you're feeling a bit better today Gem. Remember encourage your mother to see a solicitor as soon as possible.

seven-day-weekend

I'm not condoning your father's behanviour in any way at all, it is very wrong. But maybe it is all to do with his grief and eventually he may come to his senses? And maybe he will want your mum to forgive him and take him back? And maybe she will want to?

If you have not spoken to him or be prepared to forgive him this is going to be virtually impossible.

You can be on friendly terms with him whilst still making your feeligs known . I think it is very wrong to cut him off completely.

Sermon over.

If the house is in joint names, afaik he can't make her sell it until your youngest sister has finished full-time education. He will also have to pay maintenance for her until then.

I agree with others that your mother needs to see a lawyer asap.

(Edited to add: I know a man who did a similar thing. He was also the kind, caring family man who was always laughing and joking. He came to his senses after a few months, he and his wife rebuilt their marriage and now, years later, he still can't explain why it happened, just says that he 'was not in his right mind'. Please try to make room for your dad in your life).