Help for my mum please!!!!!

GemBlueTopaz1984

mum has always has low paying jobs she has worked her backside off with 3 part time jobs growing up so my dad could take an apprenticeship with the company on practically no wage, he still works for now as a director my mum pushing him to better himself he used to admit it himself he would have gotten nowhere without her. I don't need to hear his side, he has no excuse for cheating on my mum and lying to the family. so there is nothing he could say to even start to explain it, everyone thought my parent were happy my mum thought they were happy, they seemed happy and I spent alot of time with them. My dad was someone I looked up to wanted to impress with my intelligence make him laugh with my joke. Every one said we had the same sense of humour, the dad I grew up with who had morals and was disgusted with people who did this type of thing, that is the man i loved as my dad, he has changed since his dad died slowly over the last year he has lost his sense of humour not seemed as interested in our lives as he used to be he would spend alot of time at his dads grave, which was why it was totally believeable that he appeared to have a break down in jan, mum said that he told her over xmas that it had come to soon that he didn't feel like xmas should happen without his dad. So when he broke down and said he needed time to himself and promised mum this had nothing to do with her that he loved her and he was just going to get his head together he said the same to all of us. Even his mum was trying to push him to get councilling for his grief. He wasn't even gonna tell mum about the other women she had to ask him if there was someone else, which he couldn't deny cos he had already moved in with her before ringing my mum. My grandma can't believe it either she was calling my mum a liar until she found he had taken all his clothes from her house. She had rung my mum that morning before anyone knew to tell her that even though he seemed a little healthier looking then in recent days she told her she could put her finger on it but something was different about him that it wasn't her son when she looked at him and that was before anybody knew about it.

GemBlueTopaz1984

the reason we don't speak to the other sister (technically not a sister but a cousin who my parents took in from social services aged 3 and raised her as their own) isn't so much because she ran off with a 40 year old man she was 15 when is started as far as we were concered he was in ther wrong not her, She did a runner with him a couple of weeks before her 16th birthday so we got the police involved they came back and she told the police my parents beat her so she was afraid to come home and she wanted to be placed in the care of a friend family, my parent cried when the police officer told them this ever seen your parents heartbroken in floods of tears at something someone has said my parent never hit any of us I know cos I was the worst behave as a child. She told the police that because she knew if they sent her home my parent would do everything they could to keep them seperate. Needless to say she did a runner with him on her 16th birthday that is why we don't speak to her.

chesky369

How old are you Gem? This is probably an early experience of being badly let down by someone you love and you're naturally taking it very hard. You obviously loved - and still love - your dad very much indeed and are bewildered by how much he has hurt you.

But be very careful about how you react. Say, for instance, your dad came to his senses and your mum and he got back together. You might find it difficult if you had said things that could not be ignored.

BitterAndTwisted

Your tirades are sounding more and more like the ones of a person much younger than your user-name suggests you are.

Your tirades also sound to me like ones I would expect the injured party to have posted. You are not the injured party in this even though I accept and sympathise with the situation you now find yourself in. Please try and focus on what you can do to support your mother and spend less time justifying why you are so angry with your father. This is not your marriage which is in jeopardy, you are not party to it and are therefore not party to their private and intimate affairs which have led up to your parents' separation. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story.

fsdss

op.

can i just state that i think you're right to protect your mother and in particular her financial interest.

from my oh's experience his father left his wife (his mother) after 25yrs for the younger secretary who had been his secret love for a few years. before the split he was a high wage earner and lived in a house probably worth 3 million in value now, she did not work, however, full time mother and housekeeper (big house BTW).
when he left he went bankrupt, the secretary became rich, (he married her btw) and now my 75yr old MIL is working nights in an old peoples home to pay the mortage (£27k), the secretary is living a life of riley on his generous pension as he died a few years ago, her children from her first marriage, received a £500k inheritance each. my oh and his siblings never even got a photo.

there was never any indication that he was leading this double life whilst married to my mil, and up until his death he spoke about her affectionally, and when at family do's - would hug her.

i would go to a solicitor with your mother, to protect your mothers financial future.

chesky369

fsds - I think your mother in law must have been badly advised, since she could have obtained rights to his pension as part of the divorce settlement, even if he was bankrupt - pensions aren't included in assets for creditors.

Craftyscholar

GemBlueTopaz1984 wrote: »

Every one said we had the same sense of humour, the dad I grew up with who had morals and was disgusted with people who did this type of thing, that is the man i loved as my dad, he has changed since his dad died slowly over the last year he has lost his sense of humour not seemed as interested in our lives as he used to be he would spend alot of time at his dads grave, which was why it was totally believeable that he appeared to have a break down in jan, mum said that he told her over xmas that it had come to soon that he didn't feel like xmas should happen without his dad. Even his mum was trying to push him to get councilling for his grief. She had rung my mum that morning before anyone knew to tell her that even though he seemed a little healthier looking then in recent days she told her she could put her finger on it but something was different about him that it wasn't her son when she looked at him and that was before anybody knew about it.

It really looks as if there is more to this than a 'normal' mid-life crisis.

However, like many young girls, I adored my father and would have been as shocked as you if he had behaved so out-of-character. A few decades on and I am no longer so surprised when human beings turn out to be fallible and stupid.

tandraig

I am not absolutely sure about this - but doesnt the father have to provide a home (usually the family one he left) for his children until they reach either a certain age or finish full time education?
your mum needs to see a solicitor ASAP! as she is earning around 10k she may not be entitled to legal aid but she should certainly be entitled to a free set time consultation.

katieclampet

As someone who has been in a similar situation I would strongly advise that your mum gets legal advice. At least she will know exactly where she stands, from a practical point of view.

katiex

Mee

My mum's solicitor protected her interest in the house by adding a 'restriction A' so that they became tenants in common - which meant that he was restricted to 50% share of the property and couldn't sale without her say so.... See http://www1.landregistry.gov.uk/assets/library/documents/public_guide_018.pdf and http://www1.landregistry.gov.uk/education_chapter_pages_repository/pres_leases_new/stan_restrict/