1st baby on the way and MIL's smoking

Gingham_Ribbon

jemw wrote: »

Unfortunately for us, she absolutely point blank refuses to acknowledge that smoking is bad for her and the people around her. She has a major hang up whenever a smoking conversation is initiated and can actually come out with really nasty comments (such as, "I quit smoking and my babies still died" - she had a few miscarriages herself, and this was said when we were waiting to find out if our pregnancy was still viable).

I appreciate this sounds nasty and thoughtless to you, and perhaps it is. But perhaps it's also a woman in pain, who is reliving her worst nightmare while waiting to find out if her grandchild will be born safely.

Stopping smoking didn't save her babies so I can understand why she thinks smoking won't harm yours. Obviously, it's false logic, but one that has come from heartbreak.

I knew a woman who refused to take folic acid because she'd had 2 children without taking it, then a third was lost and the only thing she perceived as different was that she took folic acid.

Your baby, your call, but when you ask her to take care round your baby, try to be sensitive to what she's been through and how it has affected her reaction to all this. Picking up your baby occasionally after having a cigarette won't do your baby a great deal of damage. Offending granny so much that she feels shut out might.

Gingham_Ribbon

Also, I think the last paragraph of this article is the most important part of it.

"The most important step parents can take to protect their families from the dangers of cigarette smoke is to make their homes and cars smokefree."

tandraig

jemw wrote: »

which is one of the reasons why we chose the pushchair / pram that we did - the Stokke Xplory - keeps the child at a higher level further away (but not completely!) from traffic fumes and dogs, etc.

(I just have to mention, I am not highly neurotic - the height is an advantage to us for personal reasons, not just because of traffic fumes, etc)

jemw good for you that you are aware of the dangers of traffic fumes and have taken precautions.
I wasnt being snide was just trying to point out something that many new parents dont seem to be aware of......traffic fumes! only last week i was walking through a car park and a young mum i knew stopped to talk to me with her baby in buggy only the car we were behind was idling, i immediately said to move over a bit as the baby was right by the exhaust and she said ' oh that wont hurt'!!! being a bossy old bird i just grabbed the buggy and wheeled it away and the poor girl had a ten minute lecture on carbon monoxide and lead poisoning!!!
its just my view that unless you NEVER take your babies and kids into the high street or along a busy road then you cannot be sure that the levels of toxins in their blood arent too high - some 'experts' are now looking into this in relation to the rise in asthma (to me thats a no-brainer)!

Glamazon

jemw wrote: »

which is one of the reasons why we chose the pushchair / pram that we did - the Stokke Xplory - keeps the child at a higher level further away (but not completely!) from traffic fumes and dogs, etc.

(I just have to mention, I am not highly neurotic - the height is an advantage to us for personal reasons, not just because of traffic fumes, etc)

That pushchair is wicked I love it!

At the end of the day it's your baby and as long as OH lets MIL know the concerns in a very diplomatic way then I am sure she will respect your wishes.

Felicity

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I appreciate this sounds nasty and thoughtless to you, and perhaps it is. But perhaps it's also a woman in pain, who is reliving her worst nightmare while waiting to find out if her grandchild will be born safely.

Stopping smoking didn't save her babies so I can understand why she thinks smoking won't harm yours. Obviously, it's false logic, but one that has come from heartbreak.

I knew a woman who refused to take folic acid because she'd had 2 children without taking it, then a third was lost and the only thing she perceived as different was that she took folic acid.

Your baby, your call, but when you ask her to take care round your baby, try to be sensitive to what she's been through and how it has affected her reaction to all this. Picking up your baby occasionally after having a cigarette won't do your baby a great deal of damage. Offending granny so much that she feels shut out might.

One thing I picked up from this post ..... very important ....

YOUR BABY, YOUR CALL ... you are the parent, you choose.

You give your child the best start.

pigpen

jemw wrote: »

To Felicity - yes, we are planning on buying a breathing monitor - we had good recommendations for the Angel Care Baby Monitor and Pad - is this the type of thing you are referring to? We haven't purchased this yet, so would love to hear any recommendations / suggestions.

this is THE best I wouldn't even look at anything else.. yes it is £80 but it gives so much reassurance and does work.. it saved 2 of my babies lives on more than 1 occasion when they stopped breathing.. picking up and rubbing was enough to restart them but it was still scary.. I used it from them being about 4lb through the cot mattress too.. buy it!!!!

Gingham_Ribbon

Felicity wrote: »

One thing I picked up from this post ..... very important ....

YOUR BABY, YOUR CALL ... you are the parent, you choose.

You give your child the best start.

The best start isn't necessarily risking cutting out grandma because she smokes. I'm not saying don't ask her to wash her hands after smoking, but if it's not handled carefully it could prove very upsetting all round.

pigpen

delain wrote: »

I think it's best to let your OH do the talking!

My ex smoked in the house when my DD1 was a baby and she had this horrendous cough, and he used to make out I was a really awful mum because I put my foot down when he was giving her almost a bottle of cough mixture every week and said 'No more cough medicine until this flat is smoke-free' Oddly enough, it took just two unmedicated, smokefree days for her persistent cough to vanish!

Side effect of too much cough mixture is.. a cough.. she may have just been given too much cough mixture if both medicine and smoke were stopped at the same time it could have been either!

melancholly

tandraig wrote: »

only last week i was walking through a car park and a young mum i knew stopped to talk to me with her baby in buggy only the car we were behind was idling, i immediately said to move over a bit as the baby was right by the exhaust and she said ' oh that wont hurt'!!! being a bossy old bird i just grabbed the buggy and wheeled it away and the poor girl had a ten minute lecture on carbon monoxide and lead poisoning!!!

ok - i appreciate that car exhaust fumes are an avoidable risk (that is probably not considered as much as it should), but seriously, someone interfering like that with most mums would get a few short words and very little future contact! there's a way of making the point without going over the top - this would have crossed that line for me!

angelicmary85

shellsuit wrote: »

I don't think you're being OTT.

I had a baby last May.

We would go outside to smoke, come in, wash our hands and I'd have a pot of mints on the side too. That was the same for all visitors too and I didn't once hesitate to ask them to wash their hands and pop a mint.

I had a bottle of listerene!

We still do it now and the baby is now 9 months old.

I won't go anywhere with the baby where people smoke indoors, so I haven't seen my Nan since Christmas as she smokes.

I'm exactly the same...never taken my kids (oldest is 2) to a certain family members house as they won't smoke outside

We also haven't gone anywhere where they have a dog. That's OTT maybe, but I can't stand dogs (or cats!) and can't stand dogs that come and sniff around you.

If your MIL smokes, don't go there, it's really that simple. If she asks why, tell her. She can visit you anytime can't she, but why would you want to sit in her smokey home, let alone let the baby sit in it too.

I've been honest aswell, my family know that I won't allow smoking inside (we smoke outside) my home and I won't take the kids anywhere that there's smoking. I know sometimes it's unavoidable (someone passing in the street, standing in a shop doorway) but I won't take them anywhere that will see them sitting in a smokey atmosphere.

With regards to her coming to you, just ask her to wash her hands and pop a mint in her mouth before handling the baby. OK ideally it is half an hour after a fag you should handle a baby, but so long as she isn't right in the babies face and breathing all over him/her, the baby will be fine

Or, you could tell her that you don't want baby handled all the time and would she mind putting him/her down?!