1st baby on the way and MIL's smoking

katieclampet

S1976 wrote: »

Hi, as much as I agree with no smoking around babies or children of any age for that matter, I do think maybe your stressing to much over what might be. I don't allow smoking around my daughters, any family memebers who do smoke do so outdoors, I don't even have to ask. However, when we go shopping, when they go to school, when we go out in fact, anywhere, anyone of those strangers could have 'just' had a cigerette for all I know, and we all know how people love to coo in the buggy or pram over new born babies! As others have said if your MIL is likely to leave the baby with the cats or whatever, then simply never leave her alone with your baby,or your baby in her care, I would be more concerned over that to be truthful. When your little one goes to nursery for those two days you will never know if any of those other children or the carers even come from a smoking environment themselves, if they do the smell and some fumes may be on their clothes I'm afraid. I guess what I'm trying to say is we all want the best for our children but the more you stress over these things the bigger the problem becomes in your head. Chill and enjoy your pregnancy - remember stess itself isn't exactly healthy for the baby either Good luck.

I have to say, I pretty much agree with this.

katiex

delain

I think it's best to let your OH do the talking!

My ex smoked in the house when my DD1 was a baby and she had this horrendous cough, and he used to make out I was a really awful mum because I put my foot down when he was giving her almost a bottle of cough mixture every week and said 'No more cough medicine until this flat is smoke-free' Oddly enough, it took just two unmedicated, smokefree days for her persistent cough to vanish!

My point is that people who smoke just don't seem to understand how non-smokers feel about it,and they would rather blame you for being a bad mum for not using cough medicine/accuse you of being overprotective than face up to the truth that their dirty habit is bad for your baby!

We have extended family where the mum smokes like a chimney and I'd be worried about taking my new baby there when it's born if I didn't know OH would have a quiet word, and know they'd all smoke outside.

My OH has just given up smoking, he has smoked for over 20 years i think so I'm very proud of him for giving up :happyhear

Your MIL sounds like a bl00dy nightmare, good luck to you!

jellyhead

jemw wrote: »

Yes, my husband is alive and didn't die from her smoking - because she quit when pregnant and until he was a few years old.

Washing hands/face, brushing teeth, changing top sounds like great ideas, so we will just have to make sure she is aware of this.

If she quit when pregnant and when your husband was tiny then that's a good sign - maybe she's already aware of not smoking around the baby and is already planning to keep the smoke and chemicals to herself.

Perhaps your husband could mention it, and if she says she was already planning to wash her hands, not smoke near baby etc. then that's a worry you needn't have any longer

By the way if anyone thinks my comment about changing top and brushing teeth is over the top - my sister's 2 eldest children have severe asthma and spend a lot of time in hospital. Perhaps the midwife thought the new baby might have severe asthma, so if what she said is over the top maybe it only applies to children with breathing difficulties? She may even have been trying to protect the older children from his smoke a bit.

tiamai_d

Before she gets a cuddle you just say 'Have you washed your hands?'. Make it a question rather than a demand 'go wash your hands' and she will be more likely to wash them plus you are not being a neurotic mum cos you just asked a simple question. Make it out like it is obvious that after a cigarette you wash your hands, doesn't everyone? It's sensible?

Keep a spare blanket and put it over her shoulder first too, you know, in case baby is sick (really just to cover up your stinky clothes). And wash it once she is away.

I quit when pregnant with DS1, DH still smokes but not in the house. I was never convinced about smelling smoke or how it can affect you just by walking into a house until last week. I borrowed DH's car and I sneezed from the moment I was in it till about 2 hours after I came out. My eyes were dry and itchy, my throat was tight, I was wheezy etc. Plus it really did stink! He had been sitting in it the night before smoking a few cigs on his break and because it was so cold on the way home from work he had the windows up while smoking which is why it was so bad. Quite angry about it too, that was my car till we swapped so I could have the 7 seater for the kids! My poor car reeks!

vaio

mountainofdebt wrote: »

……..Also I would tell her that on no account is she to leave the baby unprotected with her cats around.......you don't hear of it so often these days but cats have been known to smoother babies - not maliciously - still does it matter ? (And I speak as a mother who had a fright when she found her cat lying next to my son in the cot - still scares me 17 years on as to what could have happened!)…….

I thought the cat smothering babies story was an old wives tale but then Google found this…..
http://theskid.co.uk/index.php/2009/07/baby-smothers-cat/

not withstanding that I’d be more concerned about the hygiene issues with a tiny baby & cats so keep them separate until say the baby was a toddler at which point the cat (unless it’s a manx) will probably avoid the child anyway for tail pulling reasons.

On the smoking bit I think you are over reacting, I have assorted grandkids and don’t smoke in the same room but equally don’t hand wash etc and they have all grown up into disgusting healthy asthma free specimens (apart from the latest one but she can’t walk or talk yet) despite all having parents who seemed to double in size once they left home.

I might be biased but think that grandparents who don’t feed children crap and run them ragged outdoors at every opportunity are more important than the possibility of third hand smoke but right or wrong at the end of the day it’s your baby so you make the rules

viktory

jemw wrote: »

Washing hands/face, brushing teeth, changing top sounds like great ideas, so we will just have to make sure she is aware of this.

They are ridiculous lengths to ask anyone to go and shows just how hysterical this country is becoming. Can none of you see how stupid it will be to ask this of someone? Hand washing is a sensible precaution around small babies, but the rest.....*shakes head*.

Having said that, it is your baby so you do make the rules. If you want to ask someone to go to those lengths, then do so.

Do make sure baby wears a face mask when you are walking out and about in traffic, won't you?

Glamazon

I can see where the OP is coming from - you get so much drummed into you about what is safe and what isn't that it can get overwhelming.
It's her first baby, it's natural to worry about these things. You get leaflet upon leaflet from MW's about what you 'should and shouldn't do' but after awhile common sense prevails - it's that period before that when everything seems unsafe and worrying!

I was worried when MIL held my son as it smelt like she had about half a bottle of perfume on - I worried he wouldn't be able to breathe because it was catching in my throat! Obviously he's fine but it doesn't stop you worrying!

I think a change of top is a bit OTT but a polite 'Oh pop this Muslin over your shoulder as he's been a bit sicky today' won't hurt.

Errata

Unfortunately things aren't as simple as asking a smoker to wash their hands, face, suck a mint before they get close to a new born baby. If a smoker breathes into a clean white handkerchief an hour after they've had a cigarette a brown deposit will be left on it. That's what they will constantly be breathing out when they are near a baby.

easilydistracted

The advice given by hopsitals is to have a coat you put on to smoke and take it off when holding baby and to wash hands. There are an awful lot of harmful chemicals that can get onto skin and clothing when smoking. Can Dad not have a chat with him Mum? Seems a shame you feel you have to discuss it all yourself

Molly41

viktory wrote: »

They are ridiculous lengths to ask anyone to go and shows just how hysterical this country is becoming. Can none of you see how stupid it will be to ask this of someone? Hand washing is a sensible precaution around small babies, but the rest.....*shakes head*.

Having said that, it is your baby so you do make the rules. If you want to ask someone to go to those lengths, then do so.

Do make sure baby wears a face mask when you are walking out and about in traffic, won't you?

Some people just dont get it? Do they? Smoking is dangerous for your health - it has been proved. You choose to do it you run the risk. What is not fair is to put that risk onto an innocent babe. It is well known that a smoker is emitting toxic substances twenty minutes after smoking. They breathe that into the face of a baby who they are cuddling close up. That is not fair on the baby. Babies of smoking household increase the risk of having a cot death because second hand smoke is very dangerous. Its ok for you to choose to smoke but never for your baby and that is why we midwives spend hours trying to get that message across. There is no argument to be had about exposing babies and children to smoke - it is dangerous to their health and that is that!