1st baby on the way and MIL's smoking

Felicity

OP, I could have written your post myself!

My MIL smokes 60 a day and refuses to admit it is bad for her, baby or anything. She would never smoke in front of him but I was very concerned about the smoke on her clothes, hands, hair etc.

A friends baby of mine died of cot death a few years ago and yes, there was smoking in the family, and that always played on my mind.

I found it very difficult to discuss with the MIL so I just used some damage limitation and to be honest whilst my son was very young I was very hesitant about him being handled by her.

I am ashamed to say that prior to my pregnancy I was a smoker myself and after my sons birth I still fancied a cigarette every now and then. I would only smoke when my son was sleeping (and I knew he would be asleep for a few hours) and then I would shower, wash my hair and chuck all my clothes in the washing machine so I would be fresh again by the time he woke. Drastic, yes, but I love my son more than anything and if anything had happened to him wihlst a baby I would never have forgiven myself for smoking.

Crazy I know, one quick cig and all that work after!

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy, what a magical time for you, it is a shame you need to worry about things like this but your job is to protect your baby and dangers unfortunately come in all shapes and sizes, some nearer to home than you would wish x

Felicity

McKneff wrote: »

Another one here voting for you being over the top.
Stop worrying about it for now and seeing problems where there may not be any.

Your baby will ingest, in its life, far more toxic substances that some third hand smoke,

car fumes, toilet fumes, dust off the floor when crawling, dust in the air when your dusting, etc. etc.

Chill out and enjoy your pregnancy.
and think first how much you will upset your MIL, she has maybe plans re all this smoking lark that you dont know about.

In its life, yes, not whilst being a tiny baby. I know some people thing parents go over the top these days but come on, a tiny baby and smoke on clothes, hair, hands etc is not a good combination. Reading up on proven SIDS information could clarify the situation for anybody unsure.

I still smoke occasinally but I would never, ever smoke before handling a baby. It is just dangerous and it is proven.

OP, I havent read the whole thread but from your original post you sound very much like I was when pregnant and whilst my baby was very young. I just wondered if (not related to smoking) if you have invested in a baby breathing monitor?

Sorry to go OT but my little boy did stop breathing at a few weeks old and I believe that monitor saved this life. There are lots of arguments against but mainly that they can malfunction and cause you more stress, whilst this may be true, I didnt mind a little bit more stress in order to ensure my little boy was safe.

tandraig

Felicity wrote: »

In its life, yes, not whilst being a tiny baby. I know some people thing parents go over the top these days but come on, a tiny baby and smoke on clothes, hair, hands etc is not a good combination. Reading up on proven SIDS information could clarify the situation for anybody unsure.

I still smoke occasinally but I would never, ever smoke before handling a baby. It is just dangerous and it is proven.

OP, I havent read the whole thread but from your original post you sound very much like I was when pregnant and whilst my baby was very young. I just wondered if (not related to smoking) if you have invested in a baby breathing monitor?

Sorry to go OT but my little boy did stop breathing at a few weeks old and I believe that monitor saved this life. There are lots of arguments against but mainly that they can malfunction and cause you more stress, whilst this may be true, I didnt mind a little bit more stress in order to ensure my little boy was safe.

re the highlighted part!
there are worse things that babies are exposed to other than third hand cigarette smoke you know.................traffic fumes!!! babies buggies are just the right height for them to get the full dose! and unless its raining those allover plastic covers arent used.
traffic fumes are toxic and have been PROVED to cause harm - i remember seeing a news report on the levels of carbon monoxide, lead etc in children who lived in cities as opposed to country kids and the results were alarming!
perhaps the govt should think about introducing gas masks for those who have to walk heavy traffic areas - this has triggered countless asthma attacks in myself - whereas cigarette smoke doesnt.

jemw

Hi everyone

Thanks for all of your comments. I take on board that some of you think we are being OTT, but we simply cannot help the way we feel, and as most have you have put, this is our baby, so our rules.

Sorry if it wasn't clear in my previous post, it is hubby that would have a chat with his mom and not me. He is fully supportive of my concerns and has his own too, so it's not as if he's just agreeing with me for an easy life at all.

Some of the suggestions, re throwing a muslin / blanket on her shoulder to act as a barrier are really good, and the very reason why I came on and asked for advice in the first instance. I also think it may be something hubby can address on an ad hoc basis if we can smell the ciggarettes on her, rather than making a huge deal out of it before the baby is even here.

To Felicity - yes, we are planning on buying a breathing monitor - we had good recommendations for the Angel Care Baby Monitor and Pad - is this the type of thing you are referring to? We haven't purchased this yet, so would love to hear any recommendations / suggestions.

Felicity

tandraig wrote: »

re the highlighted part!
there are worse things that babies are exposed to other than third hand cigarette smoke you know.................traffic fumes!!! babies buggies are just the right height for them to get the full dose! and unless its raining those allover plastic covers arent used.
traffic fumes are toxic and have been PROVED to cause harm - i remember seeing a news report on the levels of carbon monoxide, lead etc in children who lived in cities as opposed to country kids and the results were alarming!
perhaps the govt should think about introducing gas masks for those who have to walk heavy traffic areas - this has triggered countless asthma attacks in myself - whereas cigarette smoke doesnt.

Whilst I accept your point:-

a/ I would never have taken my baby out in an area with high traffic fumes, it would just never have happened.

b/ OK so because a baby is exposed to SOME toxins (which may be unavoidable for some parents) should we just say, bring the rest on!!!! Some things are avoidable surely?

Parenting is about protecting children, well in my mind it is anyway.

jemw

Oh, and the other thing I wanted to say was that I know the baby / toddler / child will come across many other chemicals / fumes in his or her lifetime - but if there is anything we can do to minimise this, then we will. Having rules about visitors smoking around the baby is something that we can actively do. I know we will never be able to elimiate this completely and I would be stupid and naiive to think that this was the case - but surely every little helps!

jemw

tandraig wrote: »

re the highlighted part!
there are worse things that babies are exposed to other than third hand cigarette smoke you know.................traffic fumes!!! babies buggies are just the right height for them to get the full dose! and unless its raining those allover plastic covers arent used.
traffic fumes are toxic and have been PROVED to cause harm - i remember seeing a news report on the levels of carbon monoxide, lead etc in children who lived in cities as opposed to country kids and the results were alarming!
perhaps the govt should think about introducing gas masks for those who have to walk heavy traffic areas - this has triggered countless asthma attacks in myself - whereas cigarette smoke doesnt.

which is one of the reasons why we chose the pushchair / pram that we did - the Stokke Xplory - keeps the child at a higher level further away (but not completely!) from traffic fumes and dogs, etc.

(I just have to mention, I am not highly neurotic - the height is an advantage to us for personal reasons, not just because of traffic fumes, etc)

csh_2

jemw wrote: »

To Felicity - yes, we are planning on buying a breathing monitor - we had good recommendations for the Angel Care Baby Monitor and Pad - is this the type of thing you are referring to? We haven't purchased this yet, so would love to hear any recommendations / suggestions.

I've got the Tommee Tippee breathing monitor and never had any probs like alarm going off or anything.

shellsuit

I don't think you're being OTT.

I had a baby last May.

We would go outside to smoke, come in, wash our hands and I'd have a pot of mints on the side too. That was the same for all visitors too and I didn't once hesitate to ask them to wash their hands and pop a mint.

We still do it now and the baby is now 9 months old.

I won't go anywhere with the baby where people smoke indoors, so I haven't seen my Nan since Christmas as she smokes.

We also haven't gone anywhere where they have a dog. That's OTT maybe, but I can't stand dogs (or cats!) and can't stand dogs that come and sniff around you.

If your MIL smokes, don't go there, it's really that simple. If she asks why, tell her. She can visit you anytime can't she, but why would you want to sit in her smokey home, let alone let the baby sit in it too.

With regards to her coming to you, just ask her to wash her hands and pop a mint in her mouth before handling the baby. OK ideally it is half an hour after a fag you should handle a baby, but so long as she isn't right in the babies face and breathing all over him/her, the baby will be fine

tenmah

I don't understand why people on this forum think it is their right to mock or sneer at people when they don't agree with what they are saying?

It is not for you to tell the OP to stop worrying or that she is being OTT when it is clearly something that bothers her.

She came on here asking advice on how to control the situation, not for people to tell her she is wrong in what she is thinking.