Just found out my 12 year relationship been a lie

C_Mababejive

Hmm..the noose tightens...

Sometimes we are so afraid of squaring up to some difficult questions/situations that we push them to the backs of our minds and hope they go away,only for them to return and haunt us later....

Lilacblue

Erm, why did I tell you that there are lots of decent men out there? I don't actually believe that myself!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Gemsgalore

Lilac's post is the reason I haven't made any comment other than to enquire who the woman is. I don't feel I can advise you on anything until you know who this woman is and if he has met her....as this could change everything.

Lilacblue

jamespir wrote: »

sorry but thats go to b the biggest load of bull ever you dont stay with somone for 12 years if you dont love them

thanks for the laugh though

Oh James, you were as 'helpful' as this when I was going through it at Christmas!!

belfastgirl23

For me the big issue isn't what he was saying but who he was saying it to. If he'd been saying that to his dad or his brother or even his mum it would hurt but I would understand that he was maybe going through some kind of crisis and trying to air something with a person he trusted. And I guess I would think that his close friends or family would want the best for him and would be trying to help.

But it's not an old friend, it's a woman you've never heard of. And that's where the alarm bells start ringing really loudly. So he's close enough to her to bare his soul and you haven't heard her name before? Why is that do you think? I know there wasn't anything in the content to make you think there's something physical going on but to me either he was up to something or he was thinking about it. And the difference between these two is her availability. If it was an innocent friendship you'd know about her, even if it was just recognising her name in passing.

In your shoes I'd pretty much start digging and see what else I could find. Which is horrible. but if he is up to something he won't tell the truth willingly. Has he been away from home more than expected? Can you see his bank and credit card statements? Anything there you wouldn't expect?

Also I'd google her and see what I could find out too...though it might be painful. People sometimes put more on their facebook pages than you'd expect.

Lilacblue's way is good if you can do it (I don't think I'd have the nerve though, hats off to her!).

Lots of luck though, it's a horrible horrible thing to have happened to you.

jamespir

Lilacblue wrote: »

Oh James, you were as 'helpful' as this when I was going through it at Christmas!!

sorry im just pointing out the obvious

Any

jamespir wrote: »

sorry im just pointing out the obvious

Complete and utter c**p.
I know large number of people (my own mother included) who don't/didn't leave because they had it all good and would only leave for something better.

Lot of people are scared to be alone.

Gemsgalore

Any wrote: »

Lot of people are scared to be alone.

.....yip, and the ones like that only leave when they have found someone else, and have another warm bed ready to hop into!

Mupette

Erm, reading his emails, surprised your not checking the mobile next.

things will happen if they are to happen, what you have done is to force him to make a decision quick, he may of been planning to sleep with the girl, or leave you, or not, only time would of told.

He may have left you and then realised that actually he really does love you, and that would of made your relationship stronger, but now you will not have trust with this man, arguments everytime he emails / texts someone becuase you will now be suspicious.

reallydontknowwhattodo

Belfastgirl23 - thats part of the reason im pretty sure that nothing has happened up to yet, as i pay his credit card bill using my online banking (so i know there has been no strange things on it.) hes not been going out/working late etc either. There has been no indication that anything at all was going on until i saw the email. Hes always home from work on time, no sudden late evenings.

If im wrong and he is in fact cheating than i wish he had the guts to just tell me.

What i dont get if he is cheating though, is why now i know (?) that he doesnt love me, why is he trying so hard to get me to stay with him? Now that bit doesnt make sense.

I agree that sometimes in relationships you confide things in friends etc, that you wouldnt really want your partner to hear you say, but i would never say that i didnt love him and never had, no matter how annoyed i was. Could understand it abit more if we had been arguing lots, as he may just be in a bad mood and saying things he didnt mean, but we havent argued at all recently and everythings seemed fine.

Thanks again for all your kind words and replies.