Just found out my 12 year relationship been a lie

reallydontknowwhattodo

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Barneysmom

The last 12 years haven't been wasted. When we love someone and we are in along term relationship, we can sometimes forget how much we love our partners. Life gets in the way the mundane stuff kind of takes over and sometimes you can feel that's ll there is.
He loves you, he just forgot he loves you.
You two have a lot going for you, a lot to stay together for, but maybe you both need some romancing, take it back to basics, walk in the park and share a bag of chips, go out for a romantic meal, have a dirty weekend together.


When he gets home, run a nice bath have a bottle of wine waiting and have a good old snog.

But don't chuck it all away, work at it and make life a bit more fun for you both xxxxx

savingmummy

Oh that must of been very gut wrenching reading that!
I think you need a LONG chat and discuss exactly how he has been feeling and why!

He is upset because his been found out no doubt, you need to know why he sudden realises he does love you - took you finding an email to realise he does love you?! Who is this `girl`?

MrsBartolozzi

Didn't want to read and run. I don't have anything constructive to say, sorry but have some (dodgy):grouphug: hugs.
I would put the kettle on and have a few deep breaths, maybe try to think about what you want from the relationship before you speak to him again, and I'm sure you'll get lots of advice along soon.

DaveLy

The "I don't love her, don't think I ever have" was for his girly friend he is interested in at the moment. It's a good way to get her into bed without her feeling too guilty

He no doubt does love you, but like most men, they can get a bit bored of normal life and fancy something a bit more exciting.

Gemsgalore

Who was this woman he was saying all this to and has he met her?

debs2327

hello didnt want to read and run xx although ive not got any real advice but it sounds like you both need to have time to think about the real reason you`l be staying together 12 yrs is a long time for a relationship , but 12 yrs is also a very long time to be cheating for , xx have a long chat and think both on your own and with him , all my love to you hope it all works out xx

paddy's_mum

I too would be wanting to know just who is this person that he feels he can trust with his deepest thoughts, fears and feelings when he has clearly been unable or unwilling to be truthful with you.

There's a profound dishonesty in talking about you like that. If that's how he truly felt, it's time he became a man and found some courage.

How hurtful and damaging. I do hope the two of you can sort it out and heal the wound.

Paws

Most people have doubts when they're in a LTR, even if they don't admit them, I think it's perfectly normal.:)

I do think I'd be very hurt if my partner had been doing the same as yours, and would hope that they'd talk to me about it rather than a random. I suppose sometimes not knowing who we're talking too, or them being outside of it the situation can help you see clearly.

What I would be afraid of, and what you haven't indictaed is who this person is and is there some deceit there on your partner's part or not? Is there any question of infidelity? Just I'd want to clear that up straight away so you can move on and not be doubting what's going/gone on between them. (if anything!)

If you want the kids, the marriage then I think you owe it to yourself to bring them the matter up, better to be honest and lose him now while you're still fertile then 5 or 10 years down the line when you're not so much. (and he still is!)

I know it hurts now, but that just shows you're human, we cope and bounce back harder, ok? :T

aliadds

Sounds as though he had some doubts but the thought he may lose you, made him realise exactly how much he does love you.
Discuss this calmly with him and then move forward. Try and keep some fun and romance in your life. This could be a turning point from where marriage and children will be the next step!
We all make mistakes and have doubts sometimes in our lives. If you can overcome them your relationship will be a stronger one!
Sending you a big power hug!:)

McKneff

DaveLy wrote: »

The "I don't love her, don't think I ever have" was for his girly friend he is interested in at the moment. It's a good way to get her into bed without her feeling too guilty

He no doubt does love you, but like most men, they can get a bit bored of normal life and fancy something a bit more exciting.

Thats exactly what i was thinking, maybe he was just starting to pave the way without thinking about the consequences. Now of course the consequences are all too clear to see and he's panicing.