Am I being paranoid?

SugarSpun

I've been reading this thread with more and more horror.

Honestly, I'd be inclined to shake your OH - even if he doesn't believe that his mother means her actions the way that I and you and all the other readers think they do, the point he should be focussing on is that they hurt you, and his support would go some way towards mending that hurt. For him to take his mother's side is appallingly disrespectful and must be very upsetting for you.

My ex's mother was just like your MIL. She called me a sl*t, among worse things, kept telling me how much she hoped that her son would get a nice girlfriend to settle down with while he was working away and various other things. She was always extremely careful never to say things when he could hear, and would change her stream of poison mid-sentence if she heard him coming.

One day I just got peeved and suggested he leave the room, make loud going-upstairs noises and then creep down and listen. He did just that and heard her in full vitriolic flow - told her to stop it, but didn't have the nerve to keep standing up to her.

He's an ex now. My mother is in the process of trying to do a similar thing by letting me and my husband know that she doesn't like him. The thing I think she's forgotten is that I married him - we're a new family unit, and although I love my mother she is not the first on the list any more.

It sounds like you and your OH love each other, and it would be a shame for this to build up and sour your happiness. Talk to him openly and honestly, let him know he's not doing his bit and see what happens.

Oh, and I like the idea of letting her know that there's no hard feelings because you know she can't afford to take the whole family away. I'd also like the idea of booking some holiday time together, just you and OH, and either having a Naked Holiday at home or going to a cheap campsite or caravan park or something.

*Louise*

Just showed Hubby this thread, his reactions were:

- There is no WAY August is the cheapest month!!
- omg I would never go off and leave you behind
- no way is she being paranoid.


Spoken by a bloke :rotfl:

pinkshoes

Your OH may be a mummy's boy, but personally I think his lack of support for you is unacceptable, particularly when it seems quite clear that she's done this deliberately.

When you said you would try and get a week off in August, your MIL should have said there and then if she couldn't do a particular week, and it would have saved you the hassle of begging.

It's quite clear this is bugging you, so perhaps you should discuss this openly and honestly with your OH, so that you don't end up resenting him. Personally I think he should decline to go, as you can't come that week, and as he doesn't want you to miss out on having a holiday, the two of you will just have to go together.

If he was my OH, I would be FURIOUS he'd picked his mum over me!!

You could then just organise a holiday for the two of you still. It'll be more than £9.50, but worth it!

red_devil

summing up any mother in law etc who runs her childs partner/wife down for no reason does not care about their happiness?

You cannot care about your son or daughters happiness if you are prepared to run down the one they love.

Be prepared to lose if your partner is strong and loyal to you.

oh sister has been like this and she has lost out big time with her brother.

He has told her if you cared about my happiness you wouldnt be the way you are.

Strapped

At least while he is away you have a week to pack his stuff and change the locks.

*Louise*

Any update on this situation since you last posted LabLover??

clairibel

I have only just seen this thread and it sounds very similar to my MIL, but the only difference is my OH gets it nearly as much as me...she's basically a control freak and everything we do is never good enough and always belittled.

BUT i could not cope with this type of behaviour without the support of my hubbie because even with his support its very stressful, so i feel for you, in fact i think i would have walked without his support.

My MIL has been told many times to get a life and it has made no difference whatsoever, but maybe saying something directly to her firmly but calmly that you will not take this crap anymore.

I always believe that issue's that don't go away and peeve you off are trying to teach you something and maybe this is trying to get you to be strong and to stand up for yourself with OH and MIL...but sometimes nothing works apart from divorce :D sorry couldn't resist!!

Good luck whatever you decide to do xx

elfen

Does your OH have a backbone? Or is he used to being lorded over by his mother who hates the person he is spending his life with?

He really needs to grow a pair and tell his mother to butt her nose out, the interfering old slag.

elektra-2007

Well it sounds to me that you know the problem. for what ever reason she dosnt want you to come and dosent feel comfortable with you. id just let him go as you have a few days with your family then id look for a break together. there are cheap holidays out there, maybe consider camping or a youth hostel. I wouldnt let her see that she has got to you. Maybe next time dont rely on her for anything not even a few tokens i would buy them off ebay. Maybe your other half can see what she is doing but he may know somthing, maybe he knows his mum dosent like you but dosent want to confirm that to you.
She will only think worse of you if you stop him going or make him choose. Why not plan a few treats for yourself whilst he is away.
What spending money will he use on the holiday maybe you should think about what you would have taken as a couple and split it then you can treat yourself with that.
Maybe its time to think about your relationship with your other half and ask if you can put up with this forever, its been happening for so long its never gona stop and if you have children together could get worse.
I really hope you work it out good luck