Am I being paranoid?

Fuzzy_Duck

LabLover wrote: »

Think other people have mentioned the £9.50 holiday? MIL had the tokens and didnt send them so thats that holiday ruined. Im really close to my mum and told her about it, cause I suspected MIL just wanted to take her own family away with her and not me. But my mum said if that was the case then she should have just said that instead of creating such a big fuss and going to lengths she has went to . My mum also pointed out that she accepts that me and my OH came as a pair and that if she really only wanted to spend time with me then she would just say so . I dunno I think you guys are right and I really need to stand up for myself , but no-one else sees what I see thats why I came on here today to ask if I was paranoid because I was starting to believe that maybe I was

Sadly some people are very calculating when it comes to this sort of thing. It sounds to me like she set all of this up deliberately. She may have thought it would be more obvious if she simply asked your son and made it clear you weren't invited, but by doing it this way your OH is none the wiser of how cruel she is being towards you.

Quite frankly she sounds like an absolute cow and it's probably better off you're not stuck with her for a week! Normally I too would agree that he can go on holiday alone with his mum as you do with your mum- however she has been so blatantly bit-chy she doesn't deserve it imo.

It's easier said than done but your OH needs to know how much she upsets you. Don't stoop to her level, but by all means confront her on this kind of behaviour. You don't have to be rude about it either. As a previous poster said it would be worth going to the travel agent and proving what she said was a lie. Maybe this will open up your OH's eyes.

Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in but you can't let her get away with it.

LabLover

Im not married but been living with OH for 6 years. To be fair we get one so well and have an amazing relationship, so much so that I have been able to tell him everything and let him know how I feel about this whole sorry situation. But either he doesnt want to hear anything bad about his mother or he really is dense but he chooses to believe its just been a long list of coincidences.I think (hope) if I remain dignified and dont make my OH chose between me or a holiday he will soon start to realise that his mother isnt as innocent as she makes out.

Person_one

LabLover wrote: »

Im not married but been living with OH for 6 years. To be fair we get one so well and have an amazing relationship, so much so that I have been able to tell him everything and let him know how I feel about this whole sorry situation. But either he doesnt want to hear anything bad about his mother or he really is dense but he chooses to believe its just been a long list of coincidences.I think (hope) if I remain dignified and dont make my OH chose between me or a holiday he will soon start to realise that his mother isnt as innocent as she makes out.

Erm, sorry to say it but if she's been treating you this way for 6 years and he hasn't seen it yet I don't think he'll have an epiphany over this holiday situation.

Have you considered going to relate or similar to talk about these issues with someone who is uninvolved and unbiased?

What kind of future will you have together if he always excuses his mother's behaviour and allows her to have so much influence over your life? What about if you have children, will she try to exert control over how you parent, will she want to have holidays with her son and grandchildren but leave their mother out? You need to find a way to resolve this now or it will be a constant thorn in your side forever.

pookienoodle

O.P your playing it all wrong,you need to be a bit sneaky too.
Take her to one side and tell her that you have guessed that she cannot afford to take the whole family on holiday as you know that her dates are not cheaper and that there are no hard feelings.
If she moans to your O.H deny all knowldege and say she must have been mistaken.
you may find her over inflated ego gives her a change of heart.
As for your O.H,my hubbie is the same with his mum,butter wouldn't melt as far as he is concerned......but I would rather have him than a man who didn't respect his mother so I just ignore her(and play her at her own game!)

LabLover

Perhaps , but all the other little things that she does werent on the same scale as this , so Ive been happy to sit back and allow my partner to convince me that Im just being silly but not this time.The more people I tell the more they confirm that she is being nasty and that I need to do something now. Thanks everyone for your replies
xx

LabLover

Pookienoodle , I had thought about having a sly dig at her when she says Im so sorry that you cant come then I could have said " I know its a shame your going the only month that I cant..... of all the months to pick"and then added " if you didnt want me to come you should have just said " and then do a little jokey laugh

reehsetin

I would definately go to a travel agents and prove her wrong

belfastgirl23

this really isn't a nice thing for her to do.

i think in your shoes I'd leave it and let it go but next year I would be making holiday plans without any reference to her. I'd also tell your DH that you are upset and that you have made all the compromises and that next year, she won't be fitting in with your (joint) holiday plans. And if she starts dropping hints I'd just say that seeing as it proved too hard to arrange last year, you just had to go ahead and sort it out...

long term it might actually work out ok, this is your 'out' from ever having to invite her on holiday again.

paddy's_mum

I know exactly what you mean about the little digs that hurt your feelings (as they're meant to) but which, when you relate them to someone else sound so innocent that they look at you as though perhaps a screw has worked loose.

My best one? My ex-husband's aunt, who out of the blue had the sensitivity to say to my face of his previous long-time girlfriend "Oh, we thought the world of Sally ..." I just pulled my hand out of my pocket, folded a couple of fingers and said "bang, bang - here's the gun I held to his head"!

In your place, I suspect that I'd be saying to the m-i-l, in front of OH "oh, that's okay. I quite understand. Really ..it's not a problem. I've booked a Club 18-30 (or the present day equivalent for ladies blatantly on the pull) fortnight for me and Sadie .... "

That's the moment at which your other half would truly be gutted :T

aliasojo

LabLover wrote: »

Pookienoodle , I had thought about having a sly dig at her when she says Im so sorry that you cant come then I could have said " I know its a shame your going the only month that I cant..... of all the months to pick"and then added " if you didnt want me to come you should have just said " and then do a little jokey laugh

I'd leave out the jokey laugh.

Actually, I'd leave out the joking full stop. If it were me, I'd either very calmly approach her one day and tell her how her actions seem designed to negate you and you'd like her to understand that you've had enough, or I'd play her at her own game and be sweetness and light in OH's eyes and be just as manipulative towards his Mother behind the scenes as she is being to you.

Two wrongs don't make a right but I do believe sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. Which one I'd do, would be down to just how sneaky and underhand this woman is.