Husband not invited to wedding, help!

kittiej

It wasn't intended to sound like marriage break-ups, but that's what's happening, OK then what about part? the b2b wants to part other couples.

Thank you mrcow for acknowledging that we are all different, I respect that, even though we more than likely don't agree on this thread lol.

I'm sorry to hear about your job floss, if I were in the position of not being able to invite friends plus their husbands then I would stick to close family only, but again that's just me.

Also I have just read your post above and you have told me something I had never thought of before, I never realised my views, and what I believe is right are so extreme, they are normal to me. I can't see what is wrong with considering the other person?

snapping_crocodile

kittiej wrote: »

I will spend my life with my OH, I could well leave my job and any work colleagues tomorrow. There's no contest. It makes me wonder if everyone else are not as committed to their OH's as they think. It would be disrespectful for me to go off to a wedding when my OH had not been invited too. Now if he decided he didn't want to go then that would be his choice, but to be excluded because there's no room is a bit much. If that isn't bad enough, to rub the salt in further by staying overnight to have a girls night out is awful.

As another poster has said I fully accept that other people have points of view different to mine, but that doesn't make either of them wrong. However that part of your post above is quite offensive! You may well be spending the rest of your life with your OH, which by the way everyone else hopes they will be too, buyt it doesn't make anyone any less committed just because they go out and socialise with people without their OH/with people their OH doesn't know. From your post it does not sound like either you or your OH have friends that are not common friends?

To look at it a different way though, you may very well leave work tomorrow but I would like to think that those people in work that I felt were truly my friends would just not cut contact because you didn't work there any more. Likewise if the worst happened and you split with your OH, if you have all your eggs in one basket, and and no friends, who will you turn to for support?

It is very healthy in a relationship to socialise outside your couple, so please dont suggest those of us who do this are any less committed :eek:

floss2

kittiej wrote: »

...I'm sorry to hear about your job floss...

My job is not in jeopardy, my salary has been reduced by the local government single status pay review, same principles as NHS agenda for change but applied to councils.

Even if I hadn't had the cut in my income, I would not be inviting unknown partners to my wedding.

superfran_uk

manda1205 wrote: »

Im quite shocked TBH, if I was invited to a wedding with out my "soon to be husband" I wouldnt go just out of principle. If I didnt have enough money to not envite peoples partners then I wouldnt invite them at all, or Id rethink my budget/venue so that I could invite everyone Id wanted to with their partners.
Sorry, thats just the way I see it.

Why should they invite your other half? Particularly if they don't know/don't like him? When was the last time you spent £100 on a relative stranger?!

I'm specifically only inviting my friends and not their partners - and it's mostly because of capacity but also cost - if they don't want to come because of that then great, that's one more space! I have only one friend who has made noise about it and to be honest even if it was free I wouldn't want her idiot of a boyfriend there - he'd only get drunk and annoy people.

Seriously... Can you not spend a night away from each other?!

kittiej

Why would you want to spend the night away from your husband or wife?

That is perfectly true croc, we don't have outside friends if you like. We know the same people as we work for the same company etc. I just don't get the whole girls night away thing. I get my views from the girls in work who aren't happily married and who enjoy being away from their spouses. My closest colleague wouldn't dream of being away from her husband unless it was for work purposes.

I would never want to spend a night apart from my OH so I can't understand that part of the OP's post.

superfran_uk

kittiej wrote: »

Why would you want to spend the night away from your husband or wife?

That is perfectly true croc, we don't have outside friends if you like. We know the same people as we work for the same company etc. I just don't get the whole girls night away thing. I get my views from the girls in work who aren't happily married and who enjoy being away from their spouses. My closest colleague wouldn't dream of being away from her husband unless it was for work purposes.

I would never want to spend a night apart from my OH so I can't understand that part of the OP's post.

Wow?? Not a single night? Frightening!

I love my fiance to bits and during the week we tend to stay in together, but we are still in contact with all our of old friends and often see them at weekends... In fact the impression I'm getting is that you have maybe, sadly, sacrificed your old friendships - which may explain why you'd be happy for the friends you do have to bring strangers to your wedding!! We still have a lot of friends - lets say about 50 who we'd like to be at our evening do (maybe 30 for the day) - to double that would be insane; we wouldn't be able to afford it or cram them all in!

What would happen were you to split up (it happens)?! Or heaven forbid, that the worst were to happen...Who would you go to? Who would be there to support you?! You need your friends!

Toothfairy4

kittiej wrote: »

Why would you want to spend the night away from your husband or wife?

That is perfectly true croc, we don't have outside friends if you like. We know the same people as we work for the same company etc. I just don't get the whole girls night away thing. I get my views from the girls in work who aren't happily married and who enjoy being away from their spouses. My closest colleague wouldn't dream of being away from her husband unless it was for work purposes.

I would never want to spend a night apart from my OH so I can't understand that part of the OP's post.

I'm sorry but spending time apart is a HEALTHY part of any relationship, just because me and my OH are a couple it doesn't mean that we don't enjoy still spending time with our respective friends, as well as spending time with mutual friends together. It strikes me as a rather old-fashioned viewpoint that once married a man and woman should never spend a moment apart.

snapping_crocodile

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

I'm sorry but spending time apart is a HEALTHY part of any relationship, just because me and my OH are a couple it doesn't mean that we don't enjoy still spending time with our respective friends, as well as spending time with mutual friends together. It strikes me as a rather old-fashioned viewpoint that once married a man and woman should never spend a moment apart.

Totally agreed. Spending all day everyday together can be quite suffocating. What do you have to talk about if you only have shared experiences? Just remember you are still 2 seperate people, not 1!....and thinking that way does not make you any less committed

superfran_uk

...Also the less full-on relationships tend to last longer in my experience! Everyone knows someone who's disappeared off of the face of the planet only to re-emerge a year or five later, needing a shoulder to cry on!

kittiej

I didn't have any sacrifices to make as I moved 300 miles to be here. It's clicking now, you must all have friends that you've known for years etc so why don't you know their OH's as well?

I don't mind the husbands of those I have invited to attend, why would I when they are married? It would be bad mannered of me not to. If they don't wish to come then they can say no. It doesn't bother me really. I just wanted it to be us and 2 witnesses but OH didn't so I have respected his wishes.

Every wedding I've ever been to has had husbands as well as wives, I don't see what is so odd about that?

Ah yes but you're forgetting that we share very little time together, I expect that while some of you are sat discussing things with your partners mine is in bed and I won't see him for a while yet, on a Saturday night too

I don't need friends, they aren't a necessity in my life. What I need is more time to be with my lovely OH. See now it is wrong that I never want to spend a night apart from my OH. You are a liberal lot I must say.