Husband not invited to wedding, help!

frannyann

Kittie, the only reason I took issue with some if your views, was that they were phrased in a way which suggested that because my view is different, that in some way my relationship was 'less' committed than yours and that because I have different friends from my OH I was 'liberal', which could be interpretated as meaning 'loose in morals'. You clearly have a issue with Duchy which is nothing to do with me. You suggest then that because we are 'young' we don't have the understanding to have a strong relationship, well as I am almost 40, I will at least say thank you for the 'young' compliment. If it is yourself with ASD, then I understand why you may have missed why some of us reacted to such statements.

ETA: Also, the way you keep editing your posts, means that its hard to follow your points at times
You added this point after I posted

'You lot keep saying what if my OH has an affair, pops his clogs etc charming! What would it matter to you? It wouldn't really would it so why go on about it? Only you lot know why.'

I mentioned it, only because no-one expected my Dad to die at 55, and watching my own mother 'lost' without any close friends to help her through being a widow at not even 50 was hard to bear.

sulkisu

My goddaughter (aged 7) had to write about what she did during the summer holidays last year. This passage (copied exactly from her exercise book, minus the spelling mistakes) always makes me smile.


'I went to my mummys friends wedding. At weddings a man and a woman go to church because they love each other. The woman wears a very long dress. Then they kiss and get married. Then they have a big party and all their friends and family are there. They have food and wedding cake and coke and beer. They had CDs and everybody was dancing, even the old people were dancing but they were not very good. Everybody was happy and mummys friend was happy too. They are happy because they get lots of presents and because they go to Spain when its over. I am going to have my own wedding when I grow up, because when I grow up I can stay up after bedtime'.

If only weddings were always this simple. Then again, maybe they are and it's us grown ups that complicate things .

hayleythedaisy

Wow hasn't this thread gone mad!!!
I just wanted to say that this is a personal issue between OP and her husband, and although personally I wouldn't mind if OH and I went to an occassion once in a while seperately this is up to you as a couple. I can understand both why the bride is limiting her numbers and secondly why he is upset at not being invited.

tabskitten

hayleythedaisy wrote: »

Wow hasn't this thread gone mad!!!
I just wanted to say that this is a personal issue between OP and her husband, and although personally I wouldn't mind if OH and I went to an occassion once in a while seperately this is up to you as a couple. I can understand both why the bride is limiting her numbers and secondly why he is upset at not being invited.

if he himself is not a friend of the couple getting wed i do not think that he has any reason to take it personally- weddings are expensive so why should he expect them to pay for him to go it he doesn't really know them?!

PasturesNew

frannyann wrote: »

If it is yourself with ASD, then I understand why you may have missed why some of us reacted to such statements.

To be honest, I was reading through this thread and started to wonder if she was ASD before she even mentioned it ... there was something in her writing that seemed to indicate she might be, so I was reading more to see if I thought she was ... because I am ASD and I thought I recognised a "style"... although I had started from this page, not the beginning, so no idea where it all started

Mutter_2

What is ASD please? Googled it but thinks I mean Asda.

stw48

As an old married guy if I found myself in the situation where my wife was invited and I was not then I would have no problem with that whatsoever, in my opinion it is healthy to do things separately sometimes. My wife has one week away abroad with her best friend every year and I have a couple of short breaks away with my friends and that works for us.

Sometimes some people cannot understand that but it is a matter of trust.

marvin

jillymit wrote: »

Accept - Good friend, rubbish wife.
Decline - Good wife, rubbish friend. ( but I sooooo want to go!)
Help me someone.:(

Sorry no the fault lies squarly with the person doing the inviting.

I have had this argument a lot recently and my view is.

Invite should always include the couple if they are a couple and the one of the couple should always refuse an invite that does not include both.

One or other can always decline the offer but to not invite both is rude and dirsrespectful to the couple.

manda1205

Lots of people keep mentioning that people should dare to leave their OHs behind etc etc, this has nothing to do with me staying away from my OH for an evening, I have plenty of evenings away from him seeing girlfriends for drinks and movies and even weekends when we've gone to shows and stuff.
I would have no problems with this if it were a birthday party or a work get together. But this is a wedding, to me that is something special and IMO, if I had friends from work (which I do) I know them well enough that I also know their OHs(not so well obviously but they're not strangers), if you are not that close then why would you want them all day to your wedding?
IMO I just think if I cannot invite people +1 to my evening reception then I wouldnt invite them. Also everyone I have asked about this also agree's that you invite +1.
But then again maybe this just boils down to money, and yet again I always think if you cant afford it then you shouldnt be doing it. We've saved for a long while for our wedding, but thats so we can have it as we want and to not have to worry aboout not inviting people +1.
BTW I also have no idea what ASD is, could someone please explain as to why its appropriate?

seven-day-weekend

I personally think that if the OP was invited purely on the basis of being a work colleague, then it is perfectly OK to not invite her husband. Although if it was me I would rather not invite work colleagues at all .

Also, where do you draw the line? Do you have to invite everybody's children too?

I specifically did not invite a friend's husband to my tiny wedding over 38 years ago. He was a violent drunk and I did not want him there. I was honest and told her.....she completely agreed with me and came on her own. (Glad to say he soon became her ex-husband and she re-married a really nice chap).

So to get back to the post, I think the OP should go to the wedding.