Husband not invited to wedding, help!

Skint_Lynne

My DH was once invited to a wedding and he was told not to bring me along. This was the wedding of a good friend of his, who admittedly I did not know very well.

The reason I was not to go? His ex girlfriend was going and the couple did not want her to feel uncomfortable. I was nothing to do with them splitting up and at that point, I think it was around 3 years since they parted company.

He did not tell me any of this before the wedding, he said he was working down that way that weekend, no point in me travelling down blah blah. I fell for it. He spilled his guts after I got suspicious and caught him out.

I was furious, if the tables were turned, I would have told my friend to stick her invite. This incident happened years ago, but I still think about it sometimes. I blamed DH for this entirely as I felt he was going behind my back and putting his friend's feelings before mine. I know it was the guy's wedding but DH was spineless for going to it under these circumstances. 'Don't bring your long term girlfriend to our wedding because your crazy ex-girlfriend will be there, we don't want to hurt her feelings, even though your girlfriend has nothing to do with your splitting up. Oh, okay then, I will lie to my girlfriend to spare your feelings, therfore creating the barney from hell.

OP's situation is very different, all work colleagues are to go along on their own, so I don't see the harm in that. It just depends on the circumstances I guess.

seven-day-weekend

Just want to reply to Kittie and to say I totally agree with and respect her attitude to her marriage and partner, it is nice to see someone who cares so much. I also don't like 'girlie' nights and would not spend a night away from my husband to have one .

Having said that, I have been married for 38 years and we have spent nights apart. We have friends all over the country and occasionally one or the other will take ourselves off for a couple of nights visiting, without the other (usually because the other one doesn't want to come). Once I spent three days with friends as I was going to be their daughter's godmother, my husband did not go, can't remember why now. He occasionally goes to visit another set of friends for a 'big boy's toys' weekend, boating and biking. This would not interest me in the slightest, the host's wife is usually at work (she is a Dr and works long hours), so usually I don't go. This summer I am going up north for a few days to see one set of friends whilst my hubby is seeing another set down south and doing some climbing.

I do understand kittie's predicament in that they don't see each other much during the week and in that case I would not want to give my weekend up to go to a work colleague's wedding, I'd rather spend it with my husband.

There is no need to live in each other's pockets even though you are married, although the person we spend most time with is each other because that is how we want it.

That's my take anyway.

jillymit

Well this subject has obviously stirred up some strong feelings.

Thank you so much everyone for your opinions, for and against going and the rights and wrongs of inviting singles, couples and children to weddings.
I've tried to thank everyone at least once.

To clarify - I work with the bride, not everyone from work has been invited only 'closer' work colleagues. It's a whole day invite.
No ones other half has been invited to day or evening.
We do have a DS living at home but he's 11 and would hate having to go to a strangers wedding so I wouldn't have taken him even if we were all invited.

I felt a bit embarrassed but did ask the bride (in private) if it would be possible for DH to attend the evening as I thought he might take issue with the fact he hadn't been asked. She said as it stands at the moment she couldn't manage it ( or words to that effect) but might nearer the time depending on replies, so it must be a number problem.
I have told him that I really don't think that it's personal and after thinking about it he has apologised for upsetting me and making it such a bit deal but he still thinks it's odd not to invite us as a couple.

He really isn't a control freak just a bit more old fashioned than me. He did say "Go have a lovely time, stay over, do what you want" and then "sorry I know you don't need me to say that, but you know what I mean" :rotfl:
so maybe he would like to have a bit more control but.........that's not going to be happening any time soon ha ha!
So....
I would have been surprised but delighted if DH was invited to the whole day with me.
I would have been delighted if DH and I had been invited to the evening reception.
I know the bride and I feel the invite was sent in the hope that I would come and witness her big day and as numbers were a bit tight and having to draw the line some where she felt that us girls as work could attend as a group without any of our partners. Yes, there are a couple who don't have partners and one who would rather leave him at home so this may have been a factor she considered.
I am going to go with the other girls, I am going to stay over and have a really good time celebrating my friends big day.

Thanks again. :T

snapping_crocodile

Hope you have a lovely time :T:D

Herbiecat

How gobsamcked were you Jillymit when you saw the hornets nest you'd stirred up lol?

Hope you have a great time, i'm with your hubby and think its strange he can't even go to the evening do but I suppose I can understand the bride and groom must be very tight on numbers.

Have a fab day and night xxx

kittiej

Aww thanks for getting back to us jilly.

I'm glad you have come to a decision that is right for you lol.

Have a great time :beer:

seven-day-weekend

Have a good time and bring your husband a piece of cake back!

jillymit

Herbiecat wrote: »

How gobsamcked were you Jillymit when you saw the hornets nest you'd stirred up lol?

Hope you have a great time, i'm with your hubby and think its strange he can't even go to the evening do but I suppose I can understand the bride and groom must be very tight on numbers.

Have a fab day and night xxx

Blimey, yes a right can of worms. You wait until she says he can come after all and I decide not to tell him (joke!)

I must admit that I found it a bit strange too but thinking about it longer and how if she said yes to me it would have to be yes to all and there are a couple of partners of others who I might not be so keen to attend if it were my day IYKWIM

snapping_crocodile

jillymit wrote: »

Blimey, yes a right can of worms. You wait until she says he can come after all and I decide not to tell him (joke!)

there are a couple of partners of others who I might not be so keen to attend if it were my day IYKWIM

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

laura2481

I also have a dilemma about inviting partners.

I am inviting work colleagues to the evening, including their partners as I have met them all on several occasions and for works do's etc except for one girls current OH who I seriously dislike. At the last do I attended where he also went he was rude and obnoxious to both myself and another colleague and was rude,aggressive and made racist comments towards the waiting staff where we were having a meal. This is a gentleman I seriously do not want anywhere near my wedding. Especially as my family won't take any nonsense like that and it could turn bad... but I do want my colleague to come as we get on really well and I like her. But I'm not looking forward to the 'Why isn't XX invited?' question. Hopefully, they will not be together by the time the wedding comes around (because he also treats her badly too and cheats on her) It's a tough one