Husband not invited to wedding, help!

kittiej

Oh shell, I'm lucky if I get to see him for an hour a day at the minute, so it's not day in day out constantly by his side.

My street is small, 12 houses, and I haven't always worked full time, anyway the neighbours say we're doing this n that etc. Don't you know your neighbours?

If he had an affair then I'd kick him out, then my life continues, minus the hour I spend with him lol. Why does everyone think I'm spending vast amounts of time with my OH?

aliasojo

OP, had you thought about sitting your OH down and talking seriously to him about how pulled you feel? Maybe if he understood just how upset you are over the whole thing, he might be more considerate towards you and less concerned about himself?

If not, then my vote is to say tough, he's a big boy and he'll get over it.

frannyann

kittiej wrote: »

I didn't have any sacrifices to make as I moved 300 miles to be here. It's clicking now, you must all have friends that you've known for years etc so why don't you know their OH's as well?

I don't mind the husbands of those I have invited to attend, why would I when they are married? It would be bad mannered of me not to. If they don't wish to come then they can say no. It doesn't bother me really. I just wanted it to be us and 2 witnesses but OH didn't so I have respected his wishes.

Every wedding I've ever been to has had husbands as well as wives, I don't see what is so odd about that?

Ah yes but you're forgetting that we share very little time together, I expect that while some of you are sat discussing things with your partners mine is in bed and I won't see him for a while yet, on a Saturday night too

I don't need friends, they aren't a necessity in my life. What I need is more time to be with my lovely OH. See now it is wrong that I never want to spend a night apart from my OH. You are a liberal lot I must say.

This is not intended to be any type of personal attack. My OH also works shifts, so I understand your feelings. However OH and I both have separate freinds (as well as mutual ones) when he is working, its these freinds I can have catch up and a good gossip, this means OH doesn't feel worried about me feeling loney without him, and gives us something 'different' to talk about. He goes night fishing with mates, who I know to say 'hello' to, no more. Having different interests enriches our relationship rather than harms it. As to 'being liberal' what a strange phrase?? Is liberal allowing my OH to have an interesting social life??
I strongly suggest you build female friendships, as you could end up like my mum did 10 years ago, when my Dad died suddenly at 55, and she realised her whole life had been him and she had no-one to turn to.

snapping_crocodile

kittiej wrote: »

Not the friendships, the spending all their time with their OH's! I'm too busy to be a nosey neighbour, I work full time for a start.

What an odd thing to think. I just don't think you like anything or anyone that's different to you, that's how it's coming across. Hmm

It doesn't come across like that at all. Lots of women work full time nowadays but still have good friendships, and socialise with them. Like I said earlier I can appreicate that other people have different opinions which do not make either party right or wrong, but what you seem to be doing is personally attacking people's comments, and it comes across as slightly offensive. As frannyann said you already seem a bit lonely, looking into your posts in the fact that you barely see your OH for an hour a day and dont socialise much, so if lord forbid anything happened to your relationship or your OH, would you have anyone to support you?

morwenna

Eek :eek::eek:

I am planning to invite only the people's OH's that I have met and socialised with before. Our wedding isn't a day & night do - it's everyone to everything, so for the actual ceremony we have 100 people - we could have more later, (it's a different room) but they would then miss the main part of the food. For us, it's all about the actual ceremony and those people we would like to witness it. Strangers? I don't think so really...

I really hope some of the comments on here aren't the way people really universally think..

OP, I think I would go, your DH can meet up with afterwards after all

Abbafan1972

I don't think my DH would mind if I got invited to wedding etc on my own. He would quite happily let me go without kicking up a fuss, plus I wouldn't need to get a babysitter either.

Someone from our social club had their 50th birthday there and while we were both invited, DH knows them more than I do, so I happily let him go alone. Plus I wouldn't have been able to get a sitter anyway.

gill_81uk

I invited my work colleagues to my wedding (day and eve) with no partners. We are a close group of women (mixed ages) who work in a shop and never take partners along on works dos etc so partners don't know each other. Not one of them had a problem with no partners being invited and they all came and had a fab time. There's no way I could have afforded to invite their partners as well but really wanted them to be there.

Similarly two friends from a previous job were also invited and they specifically asked me not to invite their partners as they don't each other or me, and they'd prefer to make a girly night of it!

kittiej

morwenna it's the night do he's not able to go to, well I'm sure that's what the OP said, then they want to stay out for the night.

btw if anything happens to my OH (God forbid), then I will manage perfectly well on my own. It's not a big deal and it wouldn't be the first time.

I spend all day having to talk to people, even gossip and my OH does a completely different job to me so we have loads to talk about when I see him.

It's not a crime to not want to have friends, or is it?

Obviously MSE dictates that you must have girl friends when I really don't want any. I'm not lonely by any stretch of my imagination because obviously I don't fit into anyone elses idea of being usual, and why would I want to? There that's the end to it, I am not the only one to have said they don't think it's right to go to a function without your spouse but I am the one taking the flack, but hey life goes on and I'm not that disheartened by it.

Did OP ever get back to us about what she intends to do or no?

snapping_crocodile

kittiej wrote: »

btw if anything happens to my OH (God forbid), then I will manage perfectly well on my own. It's not a big deal and it wouldn't be the first time.


It's not a crime to not want to have friends, or is it?

Obviously MSE dictates that you must have girl friends when I really don't want any. I'm not lonely by any stretch of my imagination because obviously I don't fit into anyone elses idea of being usual, and why would I want to? There that's the end to it, I am not the only one to have said they don't think it's right to go to a function without your spouse but I am the one taking the flack, but hey life goes on and I'm not that disheartened by it.

You live your life in whichever way makes you happy. However I believe the only thing you have received flack for is not your differing opinion to the majority here, after all that is what a good discussion relies upon. The flack, as you put it, has been directed towards some of the comments you have made which have come across as quite offensive

kittiej

I beg to differ on that one.

From the very first post I made I had duchy come along and make personal comments.

From someone supposedly knowing all about ASD she's a hypocrite, but that's me attacking her now.

But no, it was because I dared to differ.

from thenon I've been a nosey neighbour, a lonely person, been asked to justify why I want to spend every single night with the same person, been told I really should have friends.

So I don't agree, all you're bothered about is one comment re commitment and from the so called would be friends that I could have if I wanted to this is where I draw experience from. The going out, spending time away from their husbands, now one wants a divorce because her husband wanted her to go out with him once in a while. So if that's not your life then there's nothing to worry about is there?

You lot keep saying what if my OH has an affair, pops his clogs etc charming! What would it matter to you? It wouldn't really would it so why go on about it? Only you lot know why.

I am happy thanks