need someone to talk to

xmaslolly76

Hi Op

All i can say is the same as everyone else get out of the relationship now!

As for the gun was only an air pistol they can be as dangerous as a normal gun up close and personal especially some of the modern gas powered ones so personally i do hope he gets done for posession of a fire arm.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU DID NOT ASK FOR IT AND HE SHOULD CONTROL HIMSELF EVEN IF YOU WOUND HIM UP!!!!

Goodluck and lots of hugs x

yoni_one

I haven't read through all the replies but I have noticed others suggest you contact Women's Aid to access local support. I work for Women's Aid and I agree with them.

Women's Aid support women and children regardless of whether they choose to stay in the relationship or not and we understand why it can be harder to leave than it is to stay.

You sound pretty bewildered by what happened and also you sound ashamed to find yourself in this position. You are bewildered because someone you love, who tells you that they love you is treating you badly. It doesn't seem to add up does it? Your feeling of shame is because you are blaming yourself in some way for the way he treated you.

Really, no matter how wound up he felt, he could have dealt with it in any number of ways, most people do not resort to hurting their partner but he dealt with it by being violent towards you, and you are in no way to blame for the way he chooses to behave towards you.

Have a look around the Women's Aid website and if you need any help finding your local service please pm me and I will try and help you find it.

You do not have to leave your partner and / or move in to a refuge to get support.

If you would rather not speak to someone at Women's Aid there is always the Samaritans who will listen to anyone who needs to talk - tel 08457 90 90 90 http://www.samaritans.org/ or alternatively contact your local Victim Support office - http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/Contact%20us

There is help out there, we can't make him change his behaviour be we can support you as a victim of domestic violence and abuse.

Please take care and keep yourself safe.

captainscott996

thank you to everyone for your replies.

in the end the police phoned and said they were releasing him on bail and that he must not come near me or contact me.

i agreed to let him collect belongings and told my mum and went to her house while he did this.

i stayed at my mums last night and managed to get to my new temp job on time today.

went to mums after work and had dinner with them. now back home and feeling really quite miserable.

have told my friend who lives round the corner and will hopefully see her over the weekend. have also cancelled the milk.

i keep worrying about money as am not full time at the moment but i guess i can't do everything at once. least i cancelled the milk.

i am worried about my phone and internet as they are in his name. if he stops paying or cancels. as he is not allowed to talk to me how are we going to sort stuff like this out???? i don't want to get him in more trouble by contacting him - even at his mums house....

bertiebots

Thanks for letting us know you are ok. Try not to worry about the money situation at the moment and do not try to contact him!. Just keep safe and take care. Anything that involves sorting your affairs should be dont via a 3rd party . Have you taken advice from any of the charitys etc mentioned. I am sure they can help you resolve your concerns. Talking to someone asap will prevent you worrying for days on end about what is going to happen. They are there to help you so take advantage of the services available .
Well done for getting this far btw!

Butterfly_Brain

Bless you I am so glad you told your Mum.
Don't worry too much about money it will sort itself out in the end - go to CAB and see if there is anything that they can suggest to help.
Hugs and kisses to you xxxx

Nixer

You don't need to talk to him about the phone or internet - in fact you don't need to talk to him ever again. You're in control. Just deal directly with the phone or internet provider.

No point asking him why he did it. He's not going to have any insight into his own behaviour and all you need to understand is that he is a violent moron who need not take up any more of your valuable time.

Whilst you didn't let this happen, there are pretty much always signs that you are with a nasty piece of work - him trying to cut you off from all your friends and so on. Don't beat yourself up about it, but once you are over this (and you will get over it unless you do something dumb like take him back) be a bit more wary in a new relationship and the first hint of a guy treating you badly, bail. So many women on this forum seem to put up with a lot of rubbish behaviour from partners, and I think it's mostly cos they either have no self esteem or they were brought up in a dysfunctional household and think relationships are all about pain and mind games and that you just have to put up with it. It makes me really sad.

Good luck, and I second the post about having chocolate biscuits.

Someone upthread said he wouldn't get jail for a first offence, but if he's been threatening her with an air pistol does that still hold true?

captainscott996

have just had a chat with mum. have agreed with her that i will write a list about stuff like tv license that i really must phone up about - i can do this on monday as will not be at work.

will also get in contact with womens aid or similar as i know i will feel worse when i am home on my own and everyone else is at work.

my temp job went well today - they are lovely people - i haven't told them what happened as i didn't want to get upset - i had to sort of make out that i am still with him as the agency have always been asked to make people aware that i may have to dash off or go to hospital appointments. so when they asked i just talked briefly about hospital appts and operations and changed the subject to cats. i know that i will tell them eventually (i hope to be there for a few months) and i am sure that they will understand.

i know that i will be ok at work - keeping busy is the best thing (and there is a mountain of filing so if i need to hide i can go and do that). going to work and holding everything together has to be my main priority right now.

my friend said that even if i cant afford to go out then she can come over with a bottle of wine (i haven't really known her that long as lost touch with other mates when i stopped going out) so i thought that was nice.

i have suffered from depression in the past and i am worried about that happening again. spoke to mum about this and have agreed that i will eat at their house several times a week and help out with some jobs on my days off.

i may even phone the doctors on monday and get an appt arranged for my day off on friday. probably best to make them aware - have had counselling through surgery before and had to wait ages for first appt. at least if i am on the list and i don't need to speak to anyone someone else could have my appt.

starting to think rationally now - writing it down helps.

Wol2

Can't read and run....

a) When you;re at home on your own...come here and post on your thread
b) Two and a half years ago my third "unhealthy" relationship ended but this week following 27 months of psychotherapy ...the pennies dropped. I finally realised I have not done anything wrong....it is NOT MY FAULT.....even though I may have to date been seen to "poorly pick" my partners
c) If you are worried about what your mum may think - don;t tell her..trust your gut instincts..she may not be the right person to support you properly at this time in ivew of your current situation so if necessary, find someone who can - it may be a referral to a counsellor from your GP
d) please please talk to Women;s Aid......they can help you with the financial and emotional stuf you are going through
e) no matter how much you want answers to explain his behaviour...at this moment in time ask yourself whether this is because you are seeking answers to give you a reason to stay. There are NO reasonable answers for his behaviour and you need to come to terms with the fact that you MUST extricate yourself from this relationship NOW.
f) Please do not waste the opportunity to "exit" that has presented itself following the horrifying events you have described....you are worth so so much more than the life you currently have with this man...and I pray that with the right support, some time soon...you will actually believe it.

Massive hugs to you.....my thoughts are with you

xxxx

bertiebots

captainscott996 wrote: »

have just had a chat with mum. have agreed with her that i will write a list about stuff like tv license that i really must phone up about - i can do this on monday as will not be at work.

will also get in contact with womens aid or similar as i know i will feel worse when i am home on my own and everyone else is at work.

my temp job went well today - they are lovely people - i haven't told them what happened as i didn't want to get upset - i had to sort of make out that i am still with him as the agency have always been asked to make people aware that i may have to dash off or go to hospital appointments. so when they asked i just talked briefly about hospital appts and operations and changed the subject to cats. i know that i will tell them eventually (i hope to be there for a few months) and i am sure that they will understand.

i know that i will be ok at work - keeping busy is the best thing (and there is a mountain of filing so if i need to hide i can go and do that). going to work and holding everything together has to be my main priority right now.

my friend said that even if i cant afford to go out then she can come over with a bottle of wine (i haven't really known her that long as lost touch with other mates when i stopped going out) so i thought that was nice.

i have suffered from depression in the past and i am worried about that happening again. spoke to mum about this and have agreed that i will eat at their house several times a week and help out with some jobs on my days off.

i may even phone the doctors on monday and get an appt arranged for my day off on friday. probably best to make them aware - have had counselling through surgery before and had to wait ages for first appt. at least if i am on the list and i don't need to speak to anyone someone else could have my appt.

starting to think rationally now - writing it down helps.

WOW....this is so fantastic . You sound so different in this post to your previous ones. I am sat here with a big grin on my face . You are starting to look after you , keep going because you are doing really well! Keep talking to people and get that friend round with the bottle of wine, your mum sounds lovely and keeping yourself busy is a really good idea:T

RAS

Well done.

Once you start to look after yorself, things will improve.

You may also want to talk to Woman's Aid, ask the Police if they have a DV Officer (they should have) and find out how to go about getting an induction.