need someone to talk to

captainscott996

violent argument last night with oh... have huge bruise on shoulder and cut lip. i called police as there were weapons in the house and i was concerned for my safety. he has been arrested and weapons taken away. an officer came round first thing and collected his medication. have not heard anything from the police since and have no-one to talk to.

oh has been very ill and then made redundant - i have been struggling to work and look after him and the house. i don't want to worry my mum as after a previous violent relationship i feel silly for letting it happen again.

Lotus-eater

Well you have to get out, I hope you realise that.

There are people on here that specialise in this, so you'll get some very good advice in a short while.

You haven't let it happen, some people are just like this.

bertiebots

First off you havent "let" this happen. I dont suppose you are bigger and stronger than your oh?.
I really dont know what to say other than you know you dont need to put up with violence, there is NEVER any justification for it and you deserve to feel safe . I hope you have the strength to deal with this and please look at some of the links on this board for professional help .
..Please dont make excuses for your oh...I hope you can find somewhere to go where you feel safe and supported . Take care of yourself first.

captainscott996

keep asking myself did i wind him up - did i push him too far.

he just snapped.

in a way i don't want him to be charged because i love him - silly i know...

sat at home on my own feeling really low.

dont feel like i can speak to friends until it is over and sorted out.

what if he goes to prison - what will i do with his stuff

wish the police would tell me something.

what do i do if his mum phones the house - i have to answer in case it is the police. will the police have told his parents or siblings?

PandorasJar

As Lotus said.
I know it's not so easy when you're there, because you'll see all the good things. But it's simple, he gets help, proper help, and turns up 100% of the time while you move out, once he's changed you go back... or you go.

If you don't look out for yourself, no-one else will. Get yourself out of there and go out with someone. Even if just popping down the local coffee shop with a cuppa by yourself for a bit. Staying there and dwelling on it won't help you. Call on your mum later and tell her you'd like to go out for lunch/visit her. It doesn't need to be about this, but it's often nice knowing there are other people around, even if she doesn't know about this particular incident.

And in response to your last post... If you pushed him too far he should've got out. There is no good reason for violence. If he loves you, like you love him... then he'll see someone about it.
Do you love him or the routine?
DO talk to your friends, that's what they're there for! Even if not about what happened, just to know they're there

I doubt he will go to prison on just this, and you're worrying too far ahead.

Get yourself out, doing something. Think about now, not what's and if's. After all, they may never happen.

Take care of yourself. Hugs
P

Bitsy_Beans

Like Lotus said you haven't let it happen again so please don't feel silly.
Do you have any friends nearby you can talk to (in addition to on here?).
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CMv3_tHv558CFZss3godOUjdgQ
Have a look on the Women's Aid website - may be of some help to you.

Lotus-eater

If his Mum or anyone else rings, you tell them the bloody truth, if you hide it now, it's storing up a whole load of problems for you.

Forget prison, decide if you are going to stay or go, now.

Pee

If it's a first offence, he is unlikley to be going to prison. If it's not a first offence, then prison would be the best place for him by the sounds of it.

It must be very hard with him being made redundant and you holding things together, but that isn't an excuse to be violent with you. If you had a previous violent relationship I expect you know that if you just hope that it won't happen again, it almost certainly will. You need to take charge and make him realise that this is a big deal, possibly a deal breaker.

Agree that you don't have to tell your mum to have some of her company, but do remember, you haven't done anything wrong.

Bitsy_Beans

captainscott996 wrote: »

keep asking myself did i wind him up - did i push him too far.

he just snapped.

in a way i don't want him to be charged because i love him - silly i know...

sat at home on my own feeling really low.

dont feel like i can speak to friends until it is over and sorted out.

what if he goes to prison - what will i do with his stuff

wish the police would tell me something.

what do i do if his mum phones the house - i have to answer in case it is the police. will the police have told his parents or siblings?

Tell them. He's hit you and you called the police - please don't sweep this under the carpet.
As for telling friends - you need their support - why wait til it's over and sorted out?
If he goes to prison his family can have his stuff can't they?

Sorry but even if you did wind him up that's no excuse to hit you (or anyone else for that matter). He is responsible for his own actions, not you.

captainscott996

i own the house so at least i dont have to leave. got to go to work tomorrow - i'm a temp so all of that will be new and a bit worrying - not going to look good turning up with a cut lip...

Person_one

captainscott996 wrote: »

keep asking myself did i wind him up - did i push him too far. No you didn't, a decent person isn't capable of this no matter how 'far' you push them.

he just snapped.

in a way i don't want him to be charged because i love him - silly i know...
Your feelings are your feelings and they aren't silly. Do you recognise though that he doesn't deserve your love, he clearly doesn't return it and that you need to move on despite how you feel?

sat at home on my own feeling really low.

dont feel like i can speak to friends until it is over and sorted out.
If your friends would be supportive, talk to them. If you are ever tempted to go back to him it will help to have 'gone public' because they will rightly be horrified and try to talk you out of it!

what if he goes to prison - what will i do with his stuff
Sell it, give it to his mum. Ask a solicitor or someone for advice if it comes to that, but don't worry about it now!


wish the police would tell me something.

what do i do if his mum phones the house - i have to answer in case it is the police. will the police have told his parents or siblings?
You tell his mum whatever you feel comfortable telling her. Don't feel you have to explain yourself.

What is your living situation because you obviously can't stay under the same roof as him now. Do you rent or own together?

I'm so sorry this was done to you, you did nothing to make it happen and you did not 'let it happen'