need someone to talk to

captainscott996

i want to talk to him - i want to know why he snapped - i want to promise him that i will take care of the cats - i want to know why everything went so wrong - i want to know why he hurt me when he says he loves me

daniel_owen_uk

My fiancee was in a relationship like this with her ex, almost identical issues, neglect, making you feel bad, losing your friends.

Speak to Women's aid, they really helped and change the locks/get an injuction.

You aren't stuck with him, if you aren't happy (and let's face it who would be), then end it.

Person_one

captainscott996 wrote: »

when i spoke to police just before posting it didn't even sound as if he had been interviewed...

now that i have you guys on here i am more upset than before

a few years ago i had such high hopes - look where i am now.

a year ago me and a friend got drunk and i remember saying that i didn't feel like me anymore - i used to go out every weekend and have loads of friends.

since i have been with him i have hardly been out and the only time we went out as a couple was to tesco.

he didn't buy me a birthday present because he was made redundant. i had the day off (hoping to go to cinema or something) and he refused because he was ill. i bought myself some flowers from the supermarket.

god it sounds so depressing

Its over now. You will take the necessary steps to get him out of your life and then you will be totally free again. Do you feel a sense of relief at all?

So the last few years have been difficult, at least you didn't stay with him longer, the rest of your life can be so much different and better now than it would have been with him.

Pee

Bless. I do really feel for you. the end of a relationship is always really bad, and when it's pretty much out of the blue, it's going to be worse. At a time like this i think most people worry about inappropriate things and can't really think straight. Certainly that is what happens to me.

It sounds like, irrespective of the lack of money, he's not really been trying properly for a little while. The life you have with him does not sound like the life you used to lead or the life you want.

I really would not be surprised if you look back and see this as a really positive turning point in your life.

Lotus-eater

captainscott996 wrote: »

i want to talk to him - i want to know why he snapped - i want to promise him that i will take care of the cats - i want to know why everything went so wrong - i want to know why he hurt me when he says he loves me

Can you give us a password, so that when you come back in time with a similar thing happening again, but with a new name, we know it's you?

Sorry, you need someone in real life to talk some sense into you.

Person_one

captainscott996 wrote: »

i want to talk to him - i want to know why he snapped - i want to promise him that i will take care of the cats - i want to know why everything went so wrong - i want to know why he hurt me when he says he loves me

Of course you want to talk to him, he's been a big part of your life and probably the person you talk to the most about your problems, thoughts etc. This time though, he is the problem! Talking to him won't help anything, if you want to talk it out and work through your feelings you need someone else to do it with. Ask the police about victim support or confide in your family/friends.

Why do you think he cares about the cats when he cares so little about you? Of course you'll look after them but why do you need to make promises to him?

As for why he hurt you, will any answer be a good enough excuse? Of course not. He hurt you because he's an abusive a***ole.

captainscott996

right i dont want to eat it but i have made a pot noodle and a cup of tea

Pee

Whatever he says, even if it's that he is sorry and wants to try again and it will never happen again, and even if you believe that against the odds and I think this has a 1% chance of him keeping his word, do you want him back?

Do you want to sit at home and do nothing on many more weekend nights and birthdays?

bertiebots

Good . Now go back and read everyones comments again. Maybe re reading them might help you get one thing straight . No one is allowed to abuse you.
If you have some choccy biccys have those too x.

the_cat

Captainscott

If you were one of us, what would you advise?

Try to leave feelings to one side for a minute and look ahead at what your life will be like in 5, 10, 20 years time with this thug.

Do you have kids? If you do, then you need to consider their safety too. If not, could you really bring a child into a home where daddy is the sort to wave a gun around when things don't go his way?

Of course it will hurt now. Of course you will miss him, still want to talk to him etc. Doing something new is scary, even when what you have currently is cr+p.
You owe it to yourself to get him out.

Pick a friend in real life, or a family member (or even his mum?) and TELL them. Right now.

The only person who should be ashamed and hiding this is him. If it is out in the open he can't hide from what he has done. Only by facing the consequences can he get help. He certainly needs it.