I want to want children, anyone else the same?

ninky_2

SandC wrote: »

Interestingly, both my brother and sis in law think that if they hadn't had my nephew they would probably not have gone the distance with each other. As they had a child together they worked through issues when it would have been easier just to walk away if they didn't have a child to consider in all of it.

i'm sure this happens. but not really a good reason to have kids is it? to keep your relationship together?

SandC

It wasn't ninky, it was a total surprise - she was only 18 (19 when she gave birth) and he 10 years older.

postingalwaysposting

Hi all, I have been reading with interest and thought I would pop my opinion 'out there'. I am also in my mid twenties, single and childfree by choice. I have never wanted children of my own, and thats a lot more different than 'I dont want children'.

I decided very young ie sub 8years old that I would never have my own biological children. I even shocked my mother and told her at only 11years old that if she ever wanted biological grandchildren she was looking at the wrong daughter. This as you can imagine caused a huge rift in my household but my opinion has never ever changed. However if my opinion does change in latter years then I am fine with that But I think it would be a very rare occurrence :rotfl:

That doesn't mean I dont feel maternal and that I don't want to adopt/foster. I believe I could do a jolly good job of raising/guiding a child to the point where I can't see myself without a child in my life somewhere down the line. The point is I don't want any biological children and if I ever found out I was pregnant I would go against my (lapsed) faith and terminate the pregnacy. Now deciding to be 'childfree' is one thing however trying to explain to people you want to be 'bio-childfree' is something completly different.

Person_one, I agree with your last post, just take it years/days at a time. You may change your mind but at the moment to make yourself 'want' children you have years yet. Don't have children 'now' and regret it, best to leave it a few years and be secure in your decision. But whatever anyone says online/in real life there is one person you have to answer to ~ yourself! Please don't let the opinions/actions of other influence your decision :A

Dormouse

I thought this would be an interesting read, but it turned out to be a parent-slagging thread.

Anyway, what do I know, I'll just drag away my severely damaged body and my non-existent brain, back to my boring and unfulfilled life, which will ultimately result in a divorce. :eek::rotfl:

SandC

It isn't dormouse, most of us are all for freedom of choice for whatever reason!

postalwaysposting, have you not had people thinking that your reasons are fear of childbirth from everyone? Lol, I always say to that if any old chav can deal with it then I'm sure I could!

I know where you are coming from, in that as a stepchild myself I would not mind having step children, strangely enough. I don't know why, I don't wish to foster or adopt and I don't have a problem with babies.

It's a complicated issue isn't it?

mummy_Jay

OP - I don't think you really know until your actually faced with it.

I didn't know I wanted kids until I had an accident when both pill & condom failed, then I lost it. That was the point I knew I wanted to be a mum, funny thing was knowing I wanted to be a mum made me live life to the fuller, I did all the extreme sport, travel etc and loved every moment.

8 years on the pill failed again and result was my DS, all the scary stuff just becomes what you do, you don't think about it. I use to think the idea of changing a nappy or cleaning up sick would make me physically throw up but it doesn't. Mothering instinct you didn't know you had kicks in and you cope. As for the extreme sports I find myself feeding my enthusiam for life to my child.

But at the end of the day, thats me, you might feel completely different, I just don't think you really know how you feel until the moment your are actually faced with it.

postingalwaysposting

SandC wrote: »

It isn't dormouse, most of us are all for freedom of choice for whatever reason!

postalwaysposting, have you not had people thinking that your reasons are fear of childbirth from everyone? Lol, I always say to that if any old chav can deal with it then I'm sure I could!

I know where you are coming from, in that as a stepchild myself I would not mind having step children, strangely enough. I don't know why, I don't wish to foster or adopt and I don't have a problem with babies.

It's a complicated issue isn't it?

Its certainly a complex issue but I think there comes a point where people just have to respect peoples decisions. You could tell me anything and I still wont consider having my own children :rotfl: I still get odd coments made towards me but I just brush them off, its obvious to me that they have the problem as I am secure with myself that my decision is right for me.

I certainly do not fear childbirth. I have actually stated that if needed and with a lot of consideration if my sister couldnt carry a child I would for her. However it still would be her/her partners embro... Hence nothing to do with me. Of course me and the embro/baby will be sharing the same blood supply/body for 9months but to me thats the same as me giving blood now. The huge difference being its not my own biological child :j

Person_one

Dormouse wrote: »

I thought this would be an interesting read, but it turned out to be a parent-slagging thread.

Anyway, what do I know, I'll just drag away my severely damaged body and my non-existent brain, back to my boring and unfulfilled life, which will ultimately result in a divorce. :eek::rotfl:

I don't think its been parent slagging at all actually. I started the thread after seeing how happy having children had made other people! The only people who have been 'slagged' are those who judge or criticize others for making choices they don't agree with.

Curious_George_2

Dormouse wrote: »

I thought this would be an interesting read, but it turned out to be a parent-slagging thread.

Anyway, what do I know, I'll just drag away my severely damaged body and my non-existent brain, back to my boring and unfulfilled life, which will ultimately result in a divorce. :eek::rotfl:

it did start to feel a little anti parent in the middle there but i think thats because if you choose not to have children then your made to defend your decision at every turn, to the point where people will just assume you "cant" instead of "wont"

as far as im concerned if you can support them all you can have as many kids as you like (gotta love them duggars)
but if you dont want any then thats fine too and its none of anybody elses business which way you chose to go.

euronorris

Agreed postingalwaysposting.

Respect for others decisions is required. I think some people find it hard to understand as they are so passionate about the subject themselves and loves kids etc etc. So, instead, they try and change your mind, thinking that you will be missing out. Not always intentionally though, I don't think. Just a subconcious reaction.

I find people do the same with food. They cannot understand why you don't like something they love. I've had people try to convince me to 'just try' cheese when I'm allergic to the stuff. It's not as if trying it again will make the allergy disappear! lol