I want to want children, anyone else the same?

Person_one

Our whole purpose is to reproduce.

I think this kind of attitude is really unhelpful. It does annoy me the way that society in general see people (well, women) who don't want children as odd, unnatural and selfish. I'm sorry, but who ever had a child out of selflessness? "Darling we could give a child a lovely home, I know we don't like babies but it would be wrong not to have one". People have babies because they want them! Both decisions are equally selfish IMO.

I know the point earlier on about women not achieving their potential was well meant and I fully understand it and feel the same way sometimes, I think it can also sound a bit like putting on pressure on women that if they don't reproduce they have to justify that decision by achieving great things! Its perfectly ok to not have children and then work at Asda all your life and spend your evenings playing xbox if that's what you want! If I didn't have children I would work in a job that I feel is worthwhile and a valid contribution but no great shakes really.

I suppose I'll what most people on here advise which is to calm down a bit and go with the flow! If I never want children then I never have them and that will be ok, if I do it will be ok too, I have plenty of time in case that happens! I thought about what my reaction to an accidental pregnancy would be and it was "OMG get it out!" so I'm clearly not in the right frame of mind right now!

I found this article interesting:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/feb/08/motherhood-children-babies2

It would be good to see some cold hard facts and figures from the other side too but I'm not sure what they would be!

mrcow

Haribo & SandC it's far too early to be talking such sense!

catkins

[QUOTE=If_everybody_stopped_having_children,_who_do_you_think_will_keep_the_economy_going,_staff_the_essential_services_etc,_and_generally_keep_the_world_turning?????_Perhaps_you_should_be_grateful_to_those_of_us_willing_to_sacrifice_"_ourselves"_for_the_greater_good.:rotfl:_And_when_can_I_expect_my_medal_for_my_extreme_"self-sacrifice"_?[/QUOTE]

If everyone keeps having children, especially if they have large families how is there going to be enough jobs, housing, food etc etc etc? Why do people not get overpopulation? It's no good banging on about recycling, using the car less etc if the population continues to rise. I think childfree couples should get the benefits not people with children

catkins

Molly41 wrote: »

Our whole purpose is to reproduce. Its what mammals do! .

What rubbish! We cannot just go on and on having children because it is irresponsible, especially to have more than 2. The world is OVERPOPULATED - why can people not see that?

catkins

I do not have children although I like children very much. Myself and my husband decided for many reasons not to have them, not least the fact that the world is overpopulated and we do not want to add to that.

I have been married over 30 years and am in my mid 50's. I can honestly say I have never ever regretted not having children (most of my family and friends told me I would!) but I have met many woman (and men) who do regret having children. I know which group I would rather be in.

DKLS

Molly41 wrote: »

Our whole purpose is to reproduce. Its what mammals do!

It certainly isnt my whole purpose, as a mammal at the top of the food chain I have the ability to make an informed decision whether I want to have children or not and from the age of ten, I have never wanted children and I am lucky enough to have met a woman whom I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she is equally strong in her child free status and desires.

Fuzzy_Duck

catkins wrote: »

What rubbish! We cannot just go on and on having children because it is irresponsible, especially to have more than 2. The world is OVERPOPULATED - why can people not see that?

I agree with this point of view. We are so overpopulated it's important that some people don't reproduce. Plus there are a lot of people who have children who don't deserve them; it's a privilage not a right. It's awful how people who don't want kids often get criticised for it. Some people simply don't have a maternal urge, or don't have kids because the time was never right.

I know this isn't a view shared by all but I think it's a bit irresponsible to have more than 2 or 3 kids the way we are now, especially when contraception means you don't have to have 7/8 kids which used to be quite common.

Anyway, to the OP I have similar feelings. I just can't get on with babies, though I am good with toddlers. My mother keeps telling me I'll feel different with my own baby but at the moment such feelings don't bother me. I am in my early twenties and wouldn't consider having kids until my late twenties or early thirties. It is strange when all your friends are doing something you're not but the way I see it you can enjoy a few more years of your life without having to settle down and look after children 24/7

If you do decide kids aren't for you, don't let people bully you into it. If you do want babies you'll know it, and if that feeling never comes then consider all the positives of not having children. There are pros and cons for both choices.

catkins

I have been thinking about friends, family, colleagues etc, whether they have children, how long they have been married and whether they have been married before. Interestingly the figures are:

Couples with children and still married : 5

Couples with children (1 partner at least on 2nd marriage) : 8

Couples with children (1 partner at least on 3rd marriage) : 4

Couples without children and still married (no divorces) : 8

A lot of divorced people I know say that having children contributed greatly to the marriage failing.

It's interesting also that I know no couples without children who have been divorced before. I am only counting couples who have been married at least 10 years

Edinburghlass_2

ceridwen wrote: »

Maybe something useful for the World?

Yep - I'm serious.

There have been several times where I've been thinking "What a promising young woman" about some woman I have met and wondering just what way she is going to "make her mark on the world" - as she's clearly got so much going for her. Then she's decided to have a child - and I've thought "Oh no....she could have done SO much...and helped out the World as a whole so much and now she probably never will - or, at the very least, she will achieve so much less than she is capable of" and felt disappointed that everyone else has lost so much to "mummyhood" from such a capable young woman.

That doesnt seem to happen nearly as much to men - one can look at a promising young man and know he probably will achieve his potential still - even if he has children.

Perhaps that very same young person's offspring will go on to "help the World" because you know even parents and their children have their place in the "World".

Probably just as well you didn't have children as you seem to have so much anger in you regarding children and their mothers.

onlyroz

Who says that a woman with children won't reach their full potential? I've got two children and I still hold down a professional career. (Or does that make me evil in some other way )