I want to want children, anyone else the same?

frannyann

Seriously?!? The swear filter cuts out M.A.F.I.A??? Why??

Money_maker

Threebabes wrote: »

Before I had my kids I was very awkward around babies and young kids. I didnt know how to interact with them or hold a baby. Its amazing how it changes when youve had your own.

Your still young, got plenty of time yet.

True. Before I had mine, everything I had ever held had fur or feathers!

But instinct kicks in.

Odette

Maybe you should look into the Child Free movement.
I dont like children and never had any maternal instincts and I never want kids. Its something me, and alot of people like me are quite proud of.

Though I am starting to wonder now what Im gonna do while all my friends go sprog

alyth

I'm with Odette - I belong to a couple of child free groups on line, I've never wanted children, I can't stand being around them, none of my friends have any (you tend to find that like sticks with like, by that I mean that if you have children you tend to socialise with other parents) and to be honest it's never been an issue for me. I'm 40 this year and planning on being sterilised, I'm now single and have too much to do with my life than settle down with a guy and kids!

I am so lucky that I don't have kids, I'm able to follow my dreams, go to uni, work hard, spend my evenings doing what I want.

Go with the flow and with what your instincts tell you -if you wake up in 10 years time wanting a child then do it - only you can make that decision. On one child free board I am a member of we get people dipping in and out occasionally, questioning whether they're making the right decision, they don't get shouted down for wanting to be parents, only you can ever ever make that decision.

And for the record, there are also a few parents who dip into our board (it's very small, only about 60 members!) who say that they wish they had never had their children - takes a lot of courage to say that, my brother is one who said that he wished he's only had one and not another one.

Fire_Fox

I've never wanted children. I asked my GP to sterilise me at 18, I am now 37 and still child free. I have never liked babies and not particularly impressed by the vast majority of children either, I am godmother to a child I saw born and just once since (long story)! There have been wobbles like the OP is having where I have wanted to want kids rather than my biological clock kicking in - but deep down I know it isn't for me.

Churchmouse

ceridwen wrote: »

(hmmm...toddles off thinking "THE single biggest thing I have done to help the Environment actually is that I havent had any children". Further thoughts as I toddle off are "I remember those statistics that proved that any woman who has had 4 or more children has almost certainly suffered permanent damage to her body - and so have a lot of women who had less children than that").

I'd be really interested to read this evidence as someone who has had 4 children. Please may we have a link? I always thought the gap between children was of great importance ??? A gap of about a year being very bad ? Luckily my minimum gap was 17 months

If everybody stopped having children, who do you think will keep the economy going, staff the essential services etc, and generally keep the world turning????? Perhaps you should be grateful to those of us willing to sacrifice " ourselves" for the greater good.:rotfl: And when can I expect my medal for my extreme "self-sacrifice" ?

Dee123_2

pigpen wrote: »

Society has a different view of you as a parent as well.. you are suddenly 'an adult'.. as a non-parent you are deemed irresponsible/selfish/unstable etc.. as a parent you become part of a whole new level of society, like you have somehow 'come of age'..

One in four people won't be having any children. That's an awful lot of unstable people. Did you ever consider that women who's body clock doesn't kick in might be the more stable ones as they are not being overwhelmed by hormones telling them to do something?

ceridwen

Belnahua wrote: »

However it would've been nice to tell your husband you changed your mind, and not gone off and found someone else behind his back!

But I'm in Peru having a holiday of a lifetime, met many interesting people around the UK, having a great time. So thanks for the opportunity!

Now - that I think counts as riposte of the year on MSE...:rotfl::rotfl:(presumably you are the husband concerned...)

Have a good holiday...

ceridwen

Odette wrote: »

Maybe you should look into the Child Free movement.
I dont like children and never had any maternal instincts and I never want kids. Its something me, and alot of people like me are quite proud of.

Though I am starting to wonder now what Im gonna do while all my friends go sprog

Maybe something useful for the World?

Yep - I'm serious.

There have been several times where I've been thinking "What a promising young woman" about some woman I have met and wondering just what way she is going to "make her mark on the world" - as she's clearly got so much going for her. Then she's decided to have a child - and I've thought "Oh no....she could have done SO much...and helped out the World as a whole so much and now she probably never will - or, at the very least, she will achieve so much less than she is capable of" and felt disappointed that everyone else has lost so much to "mummyhood" from such a capable young woman.

That doesnt seem to happen nearly as much to men - one can look at a promising young man and know he probably will achieve his potential still - even if he has children.

ceridwen

Dee123 wrote: »

One in four people won't be having any children. That's an awful lot of unstable people. Did you ever consider that women who's body clock doesn't kick in might be the more stable ones as they are not being overwhelmed by hormones telling them to do something?

Actually - that is a very valid point - and I certainly believe its ridiculous to even contemplate letting one's hormones dictate ones actions. When I was younger they dictated me going out with some very unsuitable men - but at least once each "unsuitable man" episode was over with (because my rational mind had kicked in again thank goodness:)) - then that was the end of it and no "hangover" over the rest of my life because of a few weeks/months of hormonal madness. In hindsight - I really begrudge just how much of my life got "blown" by hormones taking over temporarily from my better judgement. Just think how much else I could have done/achieved....:(:cry:

- but at least I never let hormones "get the upper hand" to the extent of permanently changing my life to one I myself didnt really want.

I think there must be ways for women to figure out whether any wish for children is really their own wish - or just the hormones talking. Maybe they've always wanted children (even when they were a child themselves) and ended up mothering any siblings they had and any other child they came across perhaps? My best friend certainly really did want children very strongly right from the get-go and decided to have them the second she got married (I joke that she didnt waste much time - the first one was born exactly 9 months later...)