I want to want children, anyone else the same?

Person_one

red_devil wrote: »

yes but every time you make love you are accepting the fact that it might happen!

True I suppose, but I don't really fancy being celibate forever just in case!

Luckily there are now ways for women to stop pregnancy after the event if contraception lets you down. If you're a man its more of a gamble I suppose!

SandC

red_devil wrote: »

yes but every time you make love you are accepting the fact that it might happen!

Agree. If you really do not want to get pregnant you won't.

weezl74

Person_one wrote: »

... I can't get past the thought of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, nappies, ... pretending to be interested in my little ponys or hot wheels,

Hi there. I was petrified of all of the above, and no, I don't think you're overthinking it I think it's really responsible to think it all through before doing something so massive.

Pregnancy and child birth and breastfeeding differ a lot from woman to woman, but generally those who go into it with reasonable expectations and as prepared as they can be come off best.

I personally needed to do a lot of research about labour in order to be able to get pregnant. This is what made it possible for me, along with learning a lot from other women about home births.

nappies, they can smell a bit, but after the first few weeks it's a 2-3 times a day job that takes minutes.

pretending to be interested in... That's a good point. At the moment my relationship with my son is new and exciting and so I love the books he likes because I love seeing him enjoy things.

Even when he's older I think there'll be some of that, but even if not, I think it's just like any loving relationship, you listen because you love them not because you particularly care about the topic

HTH

xxx

savingmummy

I`m 28 always wanted babies and had a real tough time getting my 2 LO`s due to infertility.
I think a majority of women feel the same tbh and often they get their `moment` later on when they are settled or done their career etc.

My neighbour is 52 and has no children, she never got the `oh i want a family` moment!! She is happy and loves life. I am surrounded my childless people
I am the only one out of my close circuit of friends to be married and have children so it isn`t unusual. All my friends feel the same and they are late twenties/early thirties.

amalis

I am 28 y.o. and I dont want children. Never wante, albeit I am in a stable marriage for 8 years and my hubby wants children.
I am just asking him to give me a time to want them on my own.
All I want to say, girls, is that you can never plan your life and thinks of pros and cons of having babies in late 30s (eg. it is easier/harder to get back to your work, it is beteer/worse to have young parents).
For examples, my grandmam had my mum when she was 20. Great age and according to majority it is easier to have younger and in better health parents. Yeah, my mum is now 65 and already for 10 years she is tied to the bed of my sick grandmum. She hates her life. Parents wi.ll get sick at some point and we will not be happy that it happened whatewer age we are. Maybe, just maybe, it all would be easier if my mum was younger..

onlyroz

Well I was never considered to be the maternal type, but it really is different when it's your own. My son was only the second baby I'd ever held - yes it was scary at first, but wonderful at the same time.

You shouldn't feel pressured into having children you don't really want, but at the same time it's impossible to fully understand what it means to have a child until you've got your own bundle nestled in your arms.

red_devil

life's hard it seems to get harder when children come along?

ninky_2

i like children and babies and i'm pretty good with them. i can understand why people want children. but i'm almost 100 percent certain it's not for me. i had a planned pregnancy a while ago when i'd convinced myself that children were a good idea. i felt quite depressed and anxious during it (and i'm usually an optimistic and positive person)and it ending in miscarriage at 3 months. i don't think children are for everyone.

Katie-Kat-Kins

I really think you should chill out and let things take their course.

My husband and I are also in our thirties and have no desire to have children, and I think we're pretty unusual in our circle of friends...... but that is who we are, no point trying to change!

You may find that you do suddenly have that broody thing kick in, or your partner might. At that stage you may decide to go ahead and have children. But that might never happen to you, and why worry if it doesn't as long as you enjoy your life and your relationship, who cares if it isn't the same as your friend's lives.

If you genuinely feel like you are missing out but don't want a baby you could consider fostering older children, there are plenty in need of homes and it would be an amazing generous thing to do. You could even adopt. Or you might find it perfectly fullfilling to be an amazing auntie/godmother/etc.

I have an eight year old nephew who I love very much, a three month old cousin and my best friend has a one year old. They haven't yet changed my mind! I would literally do anything for my nephew, and have already promised my sister that if anything happened to her I'd look after my nephew but I wouldn't have my own.

I feel a little sad that my parents won't have another grandchild, and that my in-laws will never be grandparents etc but that isn't a reason to have a baby.

To be honest, you may find all your friends settle down with children, but that won't destroy your friendships, they will just evolve, you will enjoy their children, they will enjoy having a friend with a non-kiddy orientated life. You will also find friends that are in your situation.

Relax and live your life and stop over thinking it!

boliston

Person_one wrote: »

I suppose this is a pretty weird 'problem'. I'm in my mid twenties and my peers are all starting to settle down and make babies. I have never had any maternal instincts and am really awkward around babies and children, I've always assumed I would never have them.....

I'd say follow your instincts and just accept that you are not going to be a baby factory!

I'm mid 40's and see no need to add to the country's overpopulation problem, and both of my sisters are in their 40's and not had children and I've never even pictured my self as having kids. I tend to see only advantages such as lower housing costs, lower holiday costs, lower grocery costs, and have yet to see any disadvantage with not having little sprogs!