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I want to want children, anyone else the same?
Comments
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I NEVER wanted kids when I was growing up. Met my husband at 13/14, got married at 19, had a miscarriage (I was on pill) 4 months after we got hitched, then we decided (maybe in haste) that we wanted to try for another. I was pregnant within 6 weeks:eek::eek::eek:...DD was born 2 months premature and I spent most of my pregnancy in hospital...it was a nightmare!...I was very surprised at how protective I was with regards to "my" bump and baby.
I wouldn't call myself a maternal person, but when I had to have an emergency C-section, I made it very clear that the consultant was to save DD if he had to make a choice between me or her.
I have found motherhood very challenging at times as I always loved my career and to put that on hold for anyone was difficult for me. OH has always been a great dad and he worked from home when he could but we did use a nanny/nursery at times when needed and we did feel guilty about this, but we also had to pay the bills and my salary was higher, so it made more sense for me to work and I enjoyed my work more than OH did.
We never had anymore, although we have had several miscarriages due to my illness (which we didn't realize at the time) but we can't have anymore now anyway and sometimes now I feel very broody which has never happened in the past.
I became very ill 5 years ago and my health is very touch and go atm and have nearly died on a few occasions and I HAD to give up work a few years back now, so this option was taken away from me anyway.
Although I have found motherhood difficult, DD has always been priority and we have a great relationship (she is 16 this month!!)......she was born with severe vision problems (due to being prem) but we have always encouraged her to follow her heart and dreams and pushed her in certain areas when she has felt disheartened. We have had to make choices (some difficult) for her, but hand on heart, I think we have made good judgement choices. She got herself into grammar school, is in line for 13 GCSE's (she has 2 B's already and is Microsoft certified on 2 different things)......we are SO proud of her. She also got her place on a work experience that there were only 15 places with over 2,000 applicants across all London boroughs......and she did it! When I posted on here about advice on her placement, some people were judgmental and said I was being too pushy......but who else will encourage her and tell her she CAN do it if I don't????
OH & I didn't have great childhoods and hopefully we have done better for DD. All I ask of her is to be honest to herself and chase her dreams.
OP, I apologize for this being such a long post, but wanted you to know my story and that we never know what's round the corner with regards to life and our health.
Becoming a parent is not for everyone, but that doesn't mean you're not normal. I think most people if being totally honest would say they weren't ready when they had kids.
Whatever your decision, I wish you well OP. FYI, it sounds like you would be a well grounded parent with reality thinking and not a dreamer thinking all we be okay.
Take care.
PP
xxTo repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,requires brains!FEB GC/DIESEL £200/4 WEEKS0 -
I really don't see the appeal in having children and don't understand why people would want them. Unsurprisingly I don't wish to have them and can't see me changing my mind anytime soon.
If people want them though, good for them. People should always aim for what makes them happy.0 -
Having children is really over-rated but no-one is allowed to say that
there are enough ****ed up people in the world - do something contructive with your time instead of adding to the number of millions of adults trying desperately to recover from their miserable painful childhood
The other thing we're not allowed to say is that most people are really really inadequte and/or totally clueless parents - the law of averages suggests that you're probably one of them - but you never know until its too late0 -
The other thing we're not allowed to say is that most people are really really inadequte and/or totally clueless parents - the law of averages suggests that you're probably one of them - but you never know until its too late
Thats probably true, but I don't think it's fair to blame the parents in all cases where their child does something they shouldn't have done.0 -
I was out with a group of people on Saturday who I don't yet know all that well. Good thing was a couple of them were mighty surprised when I said I was 40, surprised again when I told them I was single (just what IS the big deal with that?) and silenced when I got the 'oh but you've got kids though yeah?' when my response was 'nope, no children'.
This reaction will always occur I've realised. *sigh*0 -
I was out with a group of people on Saturday who I don't yet know all that well. Good thing was a couple of them were mighty surprised when I said I was 40, surprised again when I told them I was single (just what IS the big deal with that?) and silenced when I got the 'oh but you've got kids though yeah?' when my response was 'nope, no children'.
This reaction will always occur I've realised. *sigh*
I know this so well - but the hardest thing to bear is the unavoidable reality that people with children assume a position of *superiority* over childless couples and especially single childless people - personally I think its a subconscious jealousy and resentment - but no matter what you will always end up following *their* schedule and falling in the with *their* needs regardless of your own - if you challenge it you look unkind and if you submit to it you look weak and are not respected - its a no-win situation
I keep my contact with families down to a minumum because of it - which is sad because I love kids - but I know too much of being treated like a second class citizen is bad for my self confidence - you start to BELIEVE you're inferior!!0 -
I know this so well - but the hardest thing to bear is the unavoidable reality that people with children assume a position of *superiority* over childless couples and especially single childless people - personally I think its a subconscious jealousy and resentment - but no matter what you will always end up following *their* schedule and falling in the with *their* needs regardless of your own - if you challenge it you look unkind and if you submit to it you look weak and are not respected - its a no-win situation
I keep my contact with families down to a minumum because of it - which is sad because I love kids - but I know too much of being treated like a second class citizen is bad for my self confidence - you start to BELIEVE you're inferior!!
i've never been treated as a second class citizen by people i know with children. some have even said there should be more people like me not having kids.Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves. - Lord Byron0 -
Friends and family have no problems whatsoever, never have had, but as in my experience above, it's acquaintances who seem unable to grasp the concept.
It's better, I find, not to get into a discussion about it.Move on, talk about something more interesting.
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I have a friend who never wanted marriage or children.
She met a man and married. For him she agreed that they should have 1 child (no more) and she now has a baby boy. The thing is she COMPLAINS constantly, it's non-stop... he crys to much, he won't sleep... etc etc!
I have 1 child and 5 miscarriages and I am sick of hearing it!!!
HOWEVER, my point is that if you don't want children, don't have them. You shouldn't have children for any other reason then you want them, and you want to love them, and you want to care for them. I would have give anything for sleepless nights and nappies! But that's me... if you don't want children you should never be pressured into having them. Because otherwise you are just going to make yourself and any subsequent children unhappy in the process.
I just believe that everyone should do what makes them happy in life.We spend money we don't have, on things that we don't need, to impress people we don't like. I don't and I'm happy!:dance: Mortgage Free Wannabe :dance:Overpayments Made: £5400 - Interest Saved: £11,550 - Months Saved: 240
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