I want to want children, anyone else the same?

globetraveller

Molly41 wrote: »

Our whole purpose is to reproduce.

What a ridiculous thing to say.
To the OP- I am in my 50s now and always thought that parenthood wasn't for me. I haven't felt that my whole life was a waste because I didn't reproduce.
Its not actually an easy decision as people round about you(but not immediate family or friends) do just assume that you will be having children and I have had pretty insenstive comments made to me a few times.
Some worries I had were if it might come to a time when my OH might change his mind and I hadn't; and whether I would get to an age where I would realise my chance had finally gone and I suddenly regretted it. Thankfully neither of these happened.
I do like children- I teach and love that part of my job. However, because of my job, I have come across parents who neglect their children and my heart goes out to those children.
To have or not have children is a huge decision to make( if you are lucky enough to have that choice). You really must follow what you want to do- not what others think you should do. Don't beat yourself about if you don't want any right now. Things might change but if they don't, life is still worth living:)

Air_Cooled_75

I never felt that I wanted kids, even after 14 years of marriage and being in my late 30's. Fast forward to today and I'm here with my 5 month old snoozing on my knee! We found out we were expecting a baby last Christmas and to say I was shocked is an understatement (hubby was chuffed though) and our friends and families were equally stunned!I always felt awkward with babies and I'll admit it took me a while to start to 'adapt' but now I can change a nappy like a pro and coo and pull silly faces with the best of them I even find other babies and little outfits cute...

Person_one

OP here, wow I can't believe this thread is back after so long!

To update, I'm no longer with the partner, as it turns out he'd have made a terrible father! I now live on my own very happily and have a new gorgeous nephew who I adore.

I still don't really want my own kids, but I may want to foster at some point in the future.

If there was a bit more gender equality in child rearing I may feel differently. A visit to Scandinavia was a real eye opener, we're seriously backward here in how we approach parenting.

DUKE

Some people just don't want kids (I'm one of them) & that's the way it is. I've had plenty of people telling me that I should have them over the years .... Some even suggested that I'd possibly had a termination or they say 'AAAWWW never mind there's always fertitlity treatment ....' I just had to explain that I was (didn't marry until I was 34 either which made folk even more suspicious of me) happily single, with no kids, no terminations, no sugar daddy, & I wasn't a lesbian, & I had no urges to do what my parents, granparents, & almost everyone else does. It's too late for me to have kids now & I do sometimes wonder ... but it was a choice that I made & that's that.

Oh & another thing that puzzled me was when people used to say that I must have kids as I'd need someone to look after me in my old age - you don't have kids for that reason do you? I've got 5 lovely nephews & 4 great nieces & that's enough for me.

Jewel_2

SandC wrote: »

Your own experiences can shape things dramatically. I still dont' feel the urge to have children but even if I had a change of heart now I think I would decide against it - as I will be 40 this year. My own mum was 40 when she had me and I always had the 'old' parents when I was a kid. I lost her at the age of 10 when she was 50 and I've just recently lost my dad after 8/9 traumatic years of his increasing loss of quality of life due to what a stroke does to you over the following years.

Some of my friends still have grandparents and I never had any and now don't have my parents (I have a wonderful stepmum though).

I don't care how healthy you feel, and granted medicine has come a long way, but the later you leave child birth the more likely you are to either pass away when they are still young or have to rely on them at an early age to look after you. I don't believe parents have children expecting them to look after them when they are still quite young but I may be wrong there!

Thanks for depressing me 40 isn't old to have a baby, everyone's been telling me that!!

Jewel_2

Threebabes wrote: »

Before I had my kids I was very awkward around babies and young kids. I didnt know how to interact with them or hold a baby. Its amazing how it changes when youve had your own.

Your still young, got plenty of time yet.

When I had mine, I didn't fall in love with babies. It's funny isn't it how we are all different, when she was first born, I wanted to run a mile. I liked her being 7/8. Now she's nearly 12 we're hitting a difficult age again lol!

Jewel_2

DUKE wrote: »

Some people just don't want kids (I'm one of them) & that's the way it is. I've had plenty of people telling me that I should have them over the years .... Some even suggested that I'd possibly had a termination or they say 'AAAWWW never mind there's always fertitlity treatment ....' I just had to explain that I was (didn't marry until I was 34 either which made folk even more suspicious of me) happily single, with no kids, no terminations, no sugar daddy, & I wasn't a lesbian, & I had no urges to do what my parents, granparents, & almost everyone else does. It's too late for me to have kids now & I do sometimes wonder ... but it was a choice that I made & that's that.

Oh & another thing that puzzled me was when people used to say that I must have kids as I'd need someone to look after me in my old age - you don't have kids for that reason do you? I've got 5 lovely nephews & 4 great nieces & that's enough for me.

Good for you! And how refreshing to hear. At the moment my sis in law and brother are going through this, they just don't want them, simples. Yet everyone thinks they're a bit strange. The other thing is how it's better to have two than one, three than two, four than three etc. And you have to have two girls and a boy, no two boys and a girl, or all close together, all far apart ... breast feed, bottle feed, don't feed on demand, feed on demand. Calpol, no calpol, sleeping in your bedroom, no don't! Dummies, no dummy, organic food, healthy food every day phew!!

And then - good at maths, good at sport, a little climber, fabulous at painting, quick out of nappies, talking early, a sleeper through the nighter, blue eyes, brown eyes, loads of hair, they sit up early, haven't they got a strong back, look at them rolling over, bla bla bla.

If I'm lucky enough to have another one in my forties, away goes the book - I will be in such a constant state of 'who cares' I will enjoy every minute!

kittendothroar

When I was 25/26 I had no maternal instincts whatsover or desire to produce offspring, infact was pretty terrified of the thought! However, I am now 28 and have completely changed my mind and really cannot wait to become a mum, its still a little scary but I feel so ready now. You are still young and liable to change your mind, don't put pressure on yourself and just enjoy life, you have plenty of time to decide later

wornoutmumoftwo

I always wanted children but never felt ready until I got to about 30. You'll know if/when you want children. INcidently I'm the oldest of all my friends by 6 years and they had their children 10 years before I did and I felt no pressure, just enjoying handing baby back.

lilac_rainbow

Person_one wrote: »

I suppose this is a pretty weird 'problem'. I'm in my mid twenties and my peers are all starting to settle down and make babies. I have never had any maternal instincts and am really awkward around babies and children, I've always assumed I would never have them.

But I kind of wish I did want them! I feel like I'm going to be left behind as everyone else enters a completely different world, I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and wonder if I'm depriving myself of the same relationship with my own adult children in the future.

If I could skip straight to a relatively self sufficient son or daughter in their late teens early twenties I think I would but I can't get past the thought of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, nappies, toddler tantrums, pretending to be interested in my little ponys or hot wheels, the school run, being a taxi service for years, dealing with stroppy teenagers, stopping them smoking doing drugs or getting pregnant and the never ending drudgery of laundry, cooking and cleaning that was my poor mum's life for so long. Not to mention the loss of identity and freedom.

Do other people not think about these things? Am I way way overthinking the whole thing?

Same here - and I have 2 :eek:

You've still got plenty of time ahead of you, you might change your mind, you might find yourself in a situation where the decision is forced upon you, you might be happy as you are until you're 75.

Haven't read all the posts yet but will in a sec, but I'm sure whatever path you follow will be the right one for you

Might be worth mentioning though that it's easier to get on with your own kids than it is other people's