We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
I want to want children, anyone else the same?
Comments
-
Well, I think it does. Find me a single, childless person with a job who is able to receive any benefits of any kind other than a 25% discount on council tax? A parent instantly receives government assistance in the form of child benefit and many receive cash or childcare through tax credits. And before you say that single, childless people also receive tax credits, yes they do but last time I checked by the time you get past around £13.5k salary you will receive nothing. .
But then again I can find you plenty of childless single people in their 30 and 40's still living at home off mum & dad, how is that much different, when it comes to be self-sufficient. Tax credits are only relevant to about 28K, so there are plenty of parents out there who earn enough not to recieve this or chose not to apply for it. It all comes down to the individuals personal circumstances. I can't deny every child does get child benefit but that doesn't mean every parent needs it.I will not have had to spend money on funding university, paying for weddings, gifting deposits for a house, even buying or contributing towards the first car. I will not have to bail out a youngster who has gone overboard on their credit cards or even fork out for the ridiculous costs of mobile phone usage for kids who don't really need to have a phone but have to because to deprive them of what everyone else has got you risk them being ostracised by their peers, or worse full on bullying....
So you have an issue with teaching children to save for the future? But it sounds like you belive parents should finiancial support their children through out life well in to their adulthood, rather than letting them grow up and be self sufficient, why should a parent pay towards weddings, cars and houses, if these are the things they want they are no longer a child they are an adult and should be paying for them themselves.I'm just saying that we contribute in leaps and bounds towards our own areas and nationally just as parents do because we are pretty much left to our own devices to live our lives.
Read it back it comes more across that you think any one who is a parent is out with there begging bowl wanting hand outs. Just cos someone has the responsibilities of a child, it does mean they can't be self-sufficient.0 -
Person_one wrote: »For the record, I haven't felt bullied by anybody, although I wasn't terribly happy about the comment from the midwife who thought that reproducing was the point of existing. I didn't realised we'd solved that particular mystery yet!
Its great to hear opinions and experiences from all sides of the issue. Its quite telling that mums feel they are sometimes looked down on for their choice and child free women feel they are judged for theirs. Maybe it just goes to show we can never win one way or the other and we should just be happy knowing we made the right choice for ourselves and our own lives.
(Which sounds great, now I just wish I knew what the right choice was. Oh well, plenty of time for that!)
In my early twenties I had the same kind of emotions about no partic desire to be a mother, and also dreading the mess and daily grind, and thinking just not for me. Then i had a couple of bad smear results, and suddenly the most important thing to me was the ability to have kids. It kind of shocked me. But I guess that although i'd not yet made a conscious descision that I did want children, I had made a subsconscious decision that I didn't not want the ability to have them. If that makes sense.
It is a crap bit of our society that women just don't support other women very well, and instead tend to judge rather than understand. Re the working/non working mum debate, from my experience there is no right and wrong. It's just what works best for you at that particular time, and most families switch sides at least a couple of times whilst their kids are growing up. I think the thing that generates all the judgement is actually guilt that "you" are doing the wrong thing.
What I would say is that pregnancy is 9months for a reason. And that at the start of your pregnancy you are filled with dread and fear even if its all completely planned, but during the time you are pregnant your body, mind and soul does a lot of readjustment. And very few women have the same priorities after the baby's born as before. I guess that's mother nature kicking in to ensure the survival of our species!
Anyway. Do what you feel is right. Don't beat yourself up over what you do and don't feel. And don't make any decisions, because you simply don't have to.0 -
But then again I can find you plenty of childless single people in their 30 and 40's still living at home off mum & dad, how is that much different, when it comes to be self-sufficient. Tax credits are only relevant to about 28K, so there are plenty of parents out there who earn enough not to recieve this or chose not to apply for it. It all comes down to the individuals personal circumstances. I can't deny every child does get child benefit but that doesn't mean every parent needs it.
So you have an issue with teaching children to save for the future? But it sounds like you belive parents should finiancial support their children through out life well in to their adulthood, rather than letting them grow up and be self sufficient, why should a parent pay towards weddings, cars and houses, if these are the things they want they are no longer a child they are an adult and should be paying for them themselves.
Read it back it comes more across that you think any one who is a parent is out with there begging bowl wanting hand outs. Just cos someone has the responsibilities of a child, it does mean they can't be self-sufficient.
Why would I have an issue with teaching kids to save for the future when I did just that myself? IF I were a parent I would want to help them out in those ways (okay maybe not the phone but I probably begrudgingly would anyway!), but I'm not and I won't be. I was just saying all that money spent on that is my own to be self sufficient with. Aren't you going to pay for your kids for any of that stuff?
I was simply saying that the single and childless are very self sufficient and I stand by that - this is not I daresay totally to do with children I grant you, it's also about being on your own.0 -
just wanted to say that although i'm pretty sure i'm not going to have my own kids i do appreciate other people's children. and i hope i can keep my friendships with my friends who do have children - not all in conventional ways, i have a couple of lesbian mum friends. i do like having children in my life. i very much enjoy being an auntie for example. i just don't want the responsiblity of my own.
the one sort of parents that really annoy me though are those who say i don't like children but i like my own. to me that is the most selfish attitude. sorry to those who have said that here. but i can't understand it.Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves. - Lord Byron0 -
I will not have to bail out a youngster who has gone overboard on their credit cards or even fork out for the ridiculous costs of mobile phone usage for kids who don't really need to have a phone but have to because to deprive them of what everyone else has got you risk them being ostracised by their peers, or worse full on bullying...
Now this i agree with. Children demand and expect so much these days its scary?
Where do parents find all the money from for all their mobiles and designer clothes etc and alot of parents are scared to say no.:footie:0 -
I was simply saying that the single and childless are very self sufficient and I stand by that - this is not I daresay totally to do with children I grant you, it's also about being on your own.
But not all of them are?? I know plenty of single, childless people. Some are extremely self sufficient, some middling, and some not at all. DH and I have had to bail out (financially) his older single sister on many occasions. She can't do the simplest DIY, can't make a decision to save her life, but is thought quite the career woman :rotfl:She didn't want children (although she likes them) because she hates vomit and poop. So you could say I had her two for her as she's had a lot of pleasure from mine.
On another tack raised during this thread, is it really helpful to those of us that have more than two children, to insult us, our intelligence and to insinuate our dreadful harming of the planet? I don't judge anybody for wanting or not wanting children. I wish people only had children because they really, really wanted them, then perhaps I could have my 4 without criticism.
I'd like to ask those who feel they are benefitting the world because they don't want/have children, would the world have been better if your parents had thought the same? A hard one I think you'll agree? It really would be better if a little more tolerance was exercised by all.
Edited to add, OP give yourself time. You'll either come to want children or not, whatever works for you is right for you. Just the same as any other facet of life.You never get a second chance to make a first impression.0 -
But we are all benefitting the world in our own way, hopefully. Just because I feel I am doing my bit by not having children, others are doing their bit by having them. I
wrote one sentence that seems to have irked others, it was not my intention to do so but I'll stick up for myself when challenged.0 -
Churchmouse wrote: »
I'd like to ask those who feel they are benefitting the world because they don't want/have children, would the world have been better if your parents had thought the same? A hard one I think you'll agree? It really would be better if a little more tolerance was exercised by all.
SandC, I hope you didn't think the above question was directed to you. I couldn't agree more that we all benefit the world in our own way, irrespective of whether or not we happen to have children. I suppose I'm directing the question at those who certainly appear to feel themselves superior because they have opted out of having children.
Just a little further thought that has entered my head.......... I wonder how many of our great scientists, inventors, doctors, researchers etc were third or subsequent children?You never get a second chance to make a first impression.0 -
One last thought here is that there is a thread here somewheres on MSE - entitled something like "Pregnancy's best kept secrets". (I think its on the Health and Beauty Board??)
For anyone contemplating having children - I really do think it would be a most instructive read. I read my way through about 2/3 pages of it once before thinking "gawd - I didnt realise it was THAT bad.....:eek: and I thought pregnancy and childbirth were pretty damn awful...but I didnt know the half of it judging by the tales some women on here are telling". The phrase "misery loves company" was definitely coming to mind about those women who try to persuade other women to join them in having children.....:cool:
To me - if I had wanted and had children - then I would have laid it on the line exactly how it had all been for me to any friends who were considering having children. But I really did wonder if a bit of a "veil is drawn" normally about everything thats involved normally by most women...
*************************************
And I really do feel its necessary to clarify that the contributions I see women making to the world arent just restricted to doing well in a career (as opposed to working in a supermarket for instance). I have hardly had a "sparkling career" myself - but I HAVE contributed rather a lot over some years that I would simply not have had the time/energy to do if I had been tied up with childcare issues. Paid work is not the only work that has value in society - in fact I would say it comes bottom of the list of likely "valuable" work in society for most of us...
I, for one, am pretty proud of some of the voluntary work I have done over many years. As someone with only limited time and energy available - I do know for a fact that I certainly wouldnt have done half of it if I had had a family. I can only speak for myself here - other people may have a lot more energy/determination than I have myself and might have managed as much even with children to bring up. But I know - of a certainty - that I myself definitely wouldnt have managed to do what I did if I had had other responsibilities - I'm just not that energetic/determined...
By the time I had done "family duties"/been with husband/had the time to myself that I personally require at regular intervals - there honestly wouldnt have been anything left of me for anything else (no matter how much I wanted to). I think there are probably quite a few women in a similar position - and it really does boil down to competing priorities for many of us - because we arent Superwoman (darn it....)0 -
can I just say - as a mum of three and nan to six - the three kids were my choice - I HAVE worked part-time temporary jobs, done various open uni courses, college courses, qualified in reiki and this was my choice in life. other women chose to pursue their career with or without partners or children - and that is THIER choice. I feel I have contributed in my own way to society (especially as my kids are sober responsible adults) - but, if another person feels that for whatever reason they dont want to have children or get hitched up or work for NASA or charity, then that is their choice and its not up to me to call them on it! I do NOT judge people by how many kids they have or whether their job is 'worthwhile' I hope i judge people by how they treat other people. and yes i do get annoyed, impatient, cross and sometimes downright homicidal! am only human after all. but all this talk of 'reaching potential' and 'could have made something of themselves' is annoying me! by whose standards are you judging?0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards